Pound Pup Legacy

Found a red flag among the many Christian adoption blogs calling for others to heed the call to adopt.  

Adoption Ministry of YWAM - Ethiopia is a Christian agency establishing Widows and Orphans Homes in Ethiopia. The heart of our ministry is to find loving Christian families in the U.S. to nurture, love and disciple children in forever homes and to minister to those in Ethiopia who are without hope.

I admit it, every time I see an article that includes with the word "adoption", I take a look.  

Today's find-worth-a-response was titled, "‘Real Housewife’ on adoption, insecurity".  I don't know who the actress/author is; I don't know the show in which she stars; I simply know her adoption-story, and I understand many of her noted adoption issues because the origins are similar to my own. 

I was reading a recent piece written by Sherrie Eldridge titled, What Often Melts Adoptee Anger at Birth Parents?  Answer?  A simple apology for the pain caused by the decision to put the child up for adoption. 

I see it

feel it

smell it

taste it... it's presence is known

On the tip on my tongue, on the back of my throat

lick, taste, swallow, choke

Down, down, down it goes... destination:  home

It warms

it fuels

it burns... (stop, just for a minute)

fire, ice....liquid

no. stone.

How do I treat Anger, my pet?

I feed it

starve it

roll naked with it, too

kick it, beat it, leave it alone

ignore it, dismiss it, pretend it doesn't exist

The man who impregnated the woman who birthed me, aka my bio-father, was better without me.

My birth-mother, aka, first mom, was better without me.

My Aparents, aka my saviors, were better without me and the reminders I could bring, once I confessed  my childhood (adoptive family) experiences, (the rapes, the molestations, the beatings).

<HUGE BIG BREATH>

My life... it has been an unwanted burden.  A burden others could do without.... all burdens put upon me.

<deep, deep, deeper cleansing breath>

It seems from now on, those criticizing the adoption industry need to embrace the phrasology used by those adoption advocates who prefer to use Positive Adoption Language when they write/speak.  Away with child trafficking or illegal adoptions... they look very bad and are not the sort of phrases AP's will want to use.

My soon-to-be sixteen year old daughter asked for a hug yesterday.

Hugging is not easy for me, especially if the person who wants to be hugged is as tall/taller than me.

I remember having to hug as a child -- it always felt forced... like something I did NOT want to do.

I don't know if I'm supposed to be grabbing (wrestling) or bracing (protecting).

I don't know how to react when there's a forced invasion of my personal space. 

The more I read about the ten Baptists, waiting for word in Haiti, the more I think about Scott and Karen Banks.  The Banks thought they too were providing better lives for poor children.   In fact, they chose to make it their business to take poor children, from poor parents, and sell those Samoan children to those willing (and able) to pay the tens of thousands of dollars necessary to obtain a so-called orphaned child.

I try not to do it... I try not to look, knowing how it will trigger me.

I try not to read about infertile women looking for babies, but I did it today, because I'm a masochist, and it seems like today is a good day for pain.

Today's find involves yet another infertile blogger, advising others how to find a baby.  Yes, Virginia, there are many like you, wanting to know oh-so-desperately, "what needs to happen so a baby can be delivered, ASAP?"

Just last night, I proudly announced to my family, "You know what?  I'm not taking Motrin like I used to!"

While my kids had no idea what I was talking about, I really thought my observation was significant, and in turn, I felt really proud of myself.