Kerry's blog

Animal instincts, attachment, bonding, and feeling scared

Lately, I have been exchanging emails with an Amother and an adult adoptee, and as strange as it may sound, while each has very different stories related to very different phases in life, both seem to be sharing the same problem: they don't know what to do when the walls go up, and the barriers surround.

I find myself in the precarious position of knowing some of the whys, the hows and the what-not-to-do's when it comes to learning how to bridge the gap from scared little bear, to caring and capable warm human being.

Mother's Day: What are we celebating?

Last year, I wrote Adapting to Mother's Day, After Adoption,  a piece that introduces readers to the heartbreak some must endure when one person's loss becomes some other person's gain, thanks to illegal unethical adoption practices - found throughout Adoptionland.  I reached the conclusion that children kidnapped and forced into an adoption plan should not be expected to celebrate Mother's Day.  Given all that can transpire between and through the hands of corrupt doctors, lawyers, judges, and a

Narcissistic behavior in the adoptee's relationships

I've decided to go public with some personal information about myself because the topic I've been discussing in private has touched many aspects of my life, including PPL.

I'm going through some difficult times in a few personal relationships.  This is not new for me; maintaining a close (loving?) relationship has always been difficult for me.  But long breaks, caused by normal every day events, like work or school, have made me keenly awareness of an odd inability in me, a characteristic I'd like to change.

"Who else but a true Christian would take a stranger into their home??"

This is the rhetorical question I read on page 26 of Erin Siegal's book, Finding Fernanda.  This question was asked by a real (non-fictional) mother.  I found myself unable to read much further, as the answer to this question made me wonder how many times religion was used to excuse corrupt behavior.

Abandonment After Adoption

Today marks my 43rd year, and as birthdays go for the adoptee, it's a bitter-sweet day.

I'm not one who likes to celebrate the day my mother agreed to send me away.  And yet, I am able to acknowledge my life has meaning and has brought much happiness and comfort to many others.  [Therefore I do recognize my life is not a waste; it does have worth.]

Desperate in Adoptionland

I read the final verdict given to Hot Sauce Mom.  [See:  Alaska's 'Hot Sauce' Mom Sentenced to 3 Years of Probation, Fine, for Child Abuse ]

Anyone notice how "desperate" has become a very over-used word by adopters in Adoptionland?

Adoption, paper pregnancies, and the anti-abortion message

Over the years, I have had the pleasure of experiencing a meeting-with-the-minds with a few really awesome (and very honest) Amoms.  Among the topics we discuss is the 'paper pregnancy', as exhibited in blogs that help explain what a paper pregnancy means.  As one blogger puts it, paper pregnancy is the technical term for one who is wading through the mountains of nightmarish paperwork required to bring home a precious

Barbie, as advertised in Adoptionland

Not too long ago I discovered a sales-pitch found only in Adoptionland, and I openly admit, I find this pitch incredibly offensive, for reasons I will gladly explain later, if asked.  For now, I wish to re-showcase the marketing tool used by a hotel in China and the toy company, Mattel.  There is an exclusive give-away given only to adopters who choose to adopt from and stay in China.  What's the "free" give-away?  A white Barbie Doll, named,

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