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Failed Adoption v. Disrupted Adoption (Yes, there is a world of difference)


Recently, I was asked my opinion regarding "failed adoption", the mother of all PAP adoption issues.

Me being me, I figured the person meant the situation in which the AP's fail the adopted child, like seen in the Torry Hanson case, and many just like that one.


The person meant the situation in which the adoptive couple is denied the chance to parent, through adoption, like seen in the 2009 celebrity adoption story, Alex Kingston's Adoption Struggle.  [Alex, for those who do not know, was quite popular back when she starred in NBC's medical-drama, "ER"  She was the English doctor-chick, Dr Corday, who had all sorts of personal problems, thanks to her new-life in the USA...]

"The first time, the birth mother disappeared with the baby. By the time she came back to us, we weren't allowed t[sic] adopt him any more for legal reasons - the mother had moved to a different stat [sic].

"The second time, we were adopting from a wonderful lady in Texas. I went to the scans with her and we were in the hospital for 48 hours when she gave birth - then she decided she wanted to keep the baby and it was devastating."

Despite their bad experiences, the former 'ER' star hasn't ruled out launching another bid to take on the care of a child in future.

She added to You magazine: "I would try again in a heartbeat but my husband won't. Maybe he'll change his mind but at the moment he can't.

"I think people think celebrities get babies really easily, like Angelina Jolie, but they don't hear about the ones who aren't successful because we don't like talking about it, it's too painful."

[From Female First, May 5, 2009 ]

 HMM. Infertility, infant adoption, IVF... "failed adoption".  My thoughts? My thoughts can be found throughout the pages of PPL, however, it just so happens recent posts have been coming from the UK, and the topic has been IVF, and adoption.  [See:  Babies are not the only children worth adopting and the comment Supporting the Suppliers, which follows ]

I think failure in adoption as it is experienced by a PAP and later, by an adoptee, are two very different things.

On that note....I'd like to learn what others think about "failed adoptions", and if we adoptees should feel bad for PAP's denied the chance to parent another mother's newborn. ( Given the studies on maternal separation and the effects of stress (stress hormones) on a newborn, I'm not convinced infant adoption, as it's promoted by many private adoption agencies is in a newborn's best-interest...)

I'm inclined to believe as difficult as it may be for a PAP to face a "failed" adoption, it can't come close to the pain and rejection an adoptee feels when the promise of a better life (through adoption) is broken.

In fact, when looking at some of our Abuse Cases, I wish many of those APs were denied an adoption-plan, in the first place.

by Kerry on Thursday, 28 April 2011