Christmas, and a story of adoption (revisited)

Recently, I revisited the story of the Dead Baby Scam.... it's  part of adoption history that few may know about... a practice that has made many a doctor/lawyer more wealthy and it was a practice used to assist infertile couples wishing their suffering for a child would end.  Yes, Virginia, there is a very merry happy ending in many an infant adoption story.  (I'll reserve my praise to God, my thanks to Mary, my appreciation for Joseph and all an adoptive father can do to and for his adopted child(ren), for a later time.)

I sit at my computer on the day many of us in America celebrate Christmas... the increasingly commercial ritual-tradition that celebrates the birth of baby Jesus, and family.  We're to believe Mary got pregnant through immaculate conception.  Even as a child, 'immaculate conception' was a difficult story to believe.  I wanted to believe what the priests in my church were telling me.  I wanted to trust what it was the nuns/lay people in my school were teaching me, but I have to admit, I always was a very stubborn girl who just so happened to have been adopted into a large, traditional Catholic family.  You see, in my mind, it was God who came, gave Mary His child, then went --leaving mom-to-be and unborn baby on their own, (thank you). 

As luck/fate would have it, this father-leaving sequence is a common theme seen through-out the history of child placement.  Why, just the other day I read a piece about Australian/adoption... a modern-day piece that tells an old story about young, scared, (unwed) pregnant women, and the struggles (and suffering) they went through before, during, and after birth. I encourage people, regardless of religious beliefs and convictions, to read the story,  'Your son is gone. He's with his adoptive parents'.  It was written by Marissa Calligeros and posted in the Brisbane Times.  It begins:

"The room was blacked out. There were no windows and just one door.

"They tied my hands and feet to the bed. I was in agony. I was screaming out in pain.

"Then there was silence.

"No one would have known a baby had been born. But I did."

The story of a baby's birth adoption continues, painting a picture for all to visualize as they read.  "The young women were drugged, tethered to beds, and never allowed to see their babies".   The author used the phrase 'baby farm' to describe the way women and babies were treated by various God-fearing religious folk, doing charity work for the good of society, and of course, the poor.  [For more on the historical treatment of poor, unmarried, pregnant women, please read  Bastardy and Baby Farms] 

True, some mothers of that era did finally meet the child they had lost.   Maybe the child was raised in the same town, the same country.  Hell, let's try to assume that baby was kept on the same continent.  If that child was lucky, that child was loved, cared for, and not harmed by enemies or strangers.  Unfortunately, in many cases, those out-sourced  babies were eventually called "orphans" and used as slaves, and re-named child migrants.  Imagine being the mother who wanted so much more for herself and her baby... imagine going to your grave never knowing what happened to the live-baby you know you birthed... the baby God had once given... the baby that was taken away, and sent or sold to complete strangers because you were deemed 'unworthy', 'not good enough', and 'unfit'.   God forbid the unworthy "sinner" be given assistance.

I'd like to revisit an original story of Christmas, family, and adoption, as it was written by  Elizabeth Foss .  She wrote:

A strong man heard the call of a God to take into his heart and home a baby that was not his biological child. Against the raised eyebrows of those around him, but because he dearly loved his wife and the God they served

As I always understood the leading events to the Christmas story, Joseph had to be convinced - by an angel-  to marry the already knocked-up Mary.  See, Mary was used by God knows who, soiling her good reputation and rendering her unfit virgin-bride material.  So, in essence, an angel had to make Joseph believe God wanted him to make Mary his legal wife, because it was the right God-pleasing thing to do.  After all, how in the world would Mary, and her bastard baby, Jesus, have been received by local society?  [And surely, there would be a future-reward after X amount of years of devoted service....]  Nevertheless, in Foss' story of adoption, she continues to explain how a woman's pain can inspire others into action.  She writes:

 Adoptive moms assure me that adoption is rarely ever a man's idea. And it is almost always an idea born of a woman's pain. The sorrowful heart of a mother meets the sorrowful heart of a child and together they begin a new life. But how do they get to "together?" They become a family through the courageous actions of a man who sees the pain of his wife and listens to her as she tells him about the pain of the child. Rarely, do these women beg and plead. Rather, like Mary, they trust God. They pour out their hearts in prayer and God convicts their husbands. The program director for a Catholic adoption agency assures me that this is not the case of weak, badgered men who cave to whining women. Rather, they are tender, brave men who recognize a mutual need and hear a distinct call.

Tender brave men, catering to the needs of women and children.  That's how an adoption director describes Adoptive Fathers.  Sure, ok.  I too would like to believe an adoptive parent would never hurt a child put in his/her care.  Here's the bad news for an adoption agency:  Had the father of Mary's baby stayed, or had Mary's own family helped her somehow, maybe an AP like tender, brave Joseph would not have been called and required to help raise and teach and financially support Jesus for 12 long years. [Where did Joesph go, anyone know?]

So let's look at the role of sorrowful mother-wanna-bes in Adoptionland.  Over and over again, I read pieces written by, and for, the infertile.  In fact, just today, this little piece came in:  Grieving the loss of two babies, Midway couple find joy in adoption.  Yes, just like the perfect Christmas miracle, a prayerful couple got the call the call they were waiting for...(feel free to go read the details).  Of course, if there isn't a small local news article, or an updated blog post for the faithful (but-still-unable to conceive) to read, those who still need reason to hope for a baby can always turn to the ad-filled, pages at Adoption.con.  [As the side-bar menu on each page indicates, the religious-faith separation is done for you.]   I supposed stories of infant adoption are supposed to encourage others to seek places like Gladney or Bethany, two agencies with great success-numbers and nice six-figure non-profit salaries, to boot.  [BTW, Bethany has yet to claim it's 2009 Demons in Adoption Award....]

Sure, gone are the days of barbaric treatment in highly successful Maternity Homes.  The tethers and drugs have been replaced with temporary housing, shopping sprees, and promises of a much better future.  Hell, at some modern-day maternity homes, an in-ground pool is even available to help relax the confined and unmarried-in-waiting.  Let us not forget the simple fact that remains the same and unchanged:  maternity homes and affiliated adoption agencies work hard to ease the pain felt by a woman's need.

As more and more people, are being encouraged to consider the adoption-option, as more and more singles or couples are very anxiously waiting for the gift of life they paid-for, (and are still expecting to receive), as more and more people choose to go into the private adoption agency business, and as rules related to sexual activity/history are becoming more lenient, one ought to question if infant adoption, as it has always has and continues to be practiced, is indeed,God's Plan.  (I for one am hoping God is getting really royally pissed how modern-day 'widows' and 'orphans' are being created and treated by those profiting within the adoption industry.)

Personally, I believe in most cases, infant adoption is little more than a practice that puts selfish desires first.  Infant adoption, as a niche, allows far too many greedy self-serving individuals to play God, lie and cheat,  and then claim it's all good, because it's done with God's help and  in Jesus' name.  Yes,  I speak, write and think as an adoptee, relinquished at birth... then sold to foreigners who should not have turned to an adoption agency because the still-suffering wife had a hysterectomy.

With that, in the spirit of an angry adoptee, I'd like readers to see the latest abused adoptee case-story that made PPL pages.   Published Dec 22, 2010....  Four girls adopted by Henrique Cruz, were sexually abused for more than six years, (before they were all 14), by their home-studied adoptive father.

The Cruz couple adopted the four girls, who were blood sisters, and their little brother, but it was unknown if the children were adopted from the foster care system.

Paul Zimmerman, regional spokesman for the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services, said the process to adopt a child from foster care in Texas comes with extensive background checks.

“It’s a pretty extensive process when it comes to screening,” he said.

Zimmerman noted the process included mandatory classes by adoptive parents as well as a home study, which in total could take as long as six months.

The state also requires a six-month check after the adoption has taken place just to “double check” that the situation is working out. However, the state doesn’t have any legal bounds for monitoring a family after the first six-month period has passed.

The loving, 'chosen' Adoptive father did not have a prior criminal history in the county the divorced man is currently living.   He had only six months to prove to an adoption agency/family service he would make a good, loving, protective dad. 

God knows what this sexual predator did, or where he went, before he got married and agreed to adopt "his" five children... 4 girls, one boy.  A point worth noting:  the child abuse did not start within the first six months post adoption.  It took years for "daddy" to act and make his unmonitored move.

While many posts, blogs and news articles are celebrating the story of adoption this Christmas-season, I like to remind readers, for these abused and "orphaned" children, unmonitored adoption is no gift or blessing.