exposing the dark side of adoption
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In the book, "Journey of the Adopted Self", Betty Jean Lifton describes "betwixt and between" as being the secret- experience many adoptees keep and feel.  What is real?  What is fantasy?  What is the truth as it exists in each adoption-story?  These are themes lots of adopted authors like to explore... and these are the sort of themes lots of people "touched by adoption" like to discuss in all sorts of open and closed adoption groups and forums. 

Even under the best (?) of circumstances, the adopted child is left to ask all sorts of questions about his/her final placement.  I know in my case, most questions revolved around two simple themes: "Why did my first-parents not want me?" and "Who approved/chose my Aparents for me?"

Rare is it that adoption-friendly groups discuss the deeper darker questions like, "Were you stolen and sold through a corrupt adoption agency?"  "Was either of your adoptive parents violent or mentally unstable?"  or "Did any of your so-called siblings/relatives do really horrible horrific things to you because you were not 'part of the family'?"  Rare is it that the angry adoptee is allowed to voice his/her opinion for any real length of time because over and over again people want to believe adoption saves lives and keeps children out of bad foster care.

I was reading the latest update on Masha Allen, and my heart and spirit fell knowing all this poor child has been put through.  As if being abused by her first mother wasn't bad enough.... as if being adopted by a child-porn lovin' pedophile wasn't really bad, too.... but to have delay after delay plague her legal case....  seriously...WTF is wrong with people?!?  Has the legal-justice system really gone completely insane with it's morally bankrupt ways???

It sickens me how lawsuits against agencies/agents get delayed or dismissed with just a mere "stern talking to" and a few minor fines and fees that need to be paid.

It sickens me how those badly placed and those horribly treated have to wait decades (lifetimes it seems) to gain even the slightest bit of moral victory.

It sickens me how The Powers That Be seem to favor those who play the game, delay the dates, and follow the rules.  It's as if these PTB's seem to savor the idea that very brave adoptees, (and/or parents), are forced to quietly live in a suspended state of purgatory, because the longer people remain quiet, the longer people can get away with the unspeakable.  

For those waiting for "the final judgement", there is no "betwixt or between"... there's only different levels of hell.  A hell that could very well have been prevented.

It saddens me that people forget (or fail to see) there have been so many who have been "saved" (through foster/adoption services), only to be put in more harm's way because of the greedy, negligent ways of those working within private adoption services and agencies. 

More and more people are learning the truth behind many-an-adoption-story.  More and more victims of adoption fraud/corruption are waiting to hear what decision-makers have to say about money-hungry adoption agencies (and their busy minions workers).  More and more victims of bad-adoptions are forced to wait, and patiently wait their turn to have their final say.  More and more victims of abuse and neglect wonder if they too should come forward and make claims against caseworkers/agencies.  More and more parents are learning the adoption agencies they liked, trusted and used are responsible for all sorts of very serious problems.

I read the stories posted within our child trafficking pages, and I read emails and updates sent to me, privately, and it all sickens and saddens me.  Then, last night I read news about Masha Allen's court case, and I'm still sitting, wondering...will any sense of justice be won for the brave souls who go to court?  Will any of the voices retelling the victim's stories be loud and strong enough to illicit serious child placement reform?  Is there any judge, law-maker or politician in this world who SEES and HEARS just how bad things have always been and continue to be for the "unwanted children" in this world?!?   Will any of the many  many living victims, (who have been abused post placement ), ever see laws changed so child safety can and will in fact become the NEW most important issue within the child protecting community? 

[Are people beginning to finally understand why so many (who have been "touched" by bad child-placement services) turn to alcohol, drugs, and death as their formal escape from a living hell?!]

So this is where I stop and seriously ask -- ARE there any legal eagles or local heroes working for the sake of the adopted and forgotten, or is this waiting-game for "something better" (real reform) a state of purgatory many of us will have to forever face, without any help?  In other words, who in this world is seriously working towards adoption reform so long-term safety in child placement takes first, second and third priority?  Anyone?

by Kerry on Wednesday, 25 March 2009