I seem to live my life in loop mode of aroller coaster
. I know when the ride is leveling because I can feel it. The nose dive. Not even an inkling. I go from perfectly scatty (which is normal for me) to a blubbering wreck in a split second. It happens every few months, no warning, then after a few days (maybe longer) I suddenly feelOK
again and am ready to fight the world.I'm
just coming into straight run again now and feelingOK
. I tend to avoid the world (not thatI'm
much of a mixer) whenI'm
in blubber loop but afriend
caught me offguard
last week. According to her I could well be bi-polar if not then I amdefinitely
suffering severe depression! I am NOT either. I told her I knew what my problem was and as soon as I could get my head around things I would be rid of the roller coaster. No, she knew better, I needed strong antidepressants. I gave up and just let her think what she wanted. Iwasn't
about to explain to her about my adoption discoveries.
Discovering two years ago that my adoptionwasn'tkosher
and that everything I had ever known had been lies blew my head and I think it would to anyone. I need to find away of dealing with that and learn to live without the constant worry that I am mad or people will guess I am (trust me when you have it drummed into you from as young as and get sent to hospital for being delusional (delusions that turned out to be memories) trying to avoid people and praying theydon't
think your weird becomes second nature. So I know my problem just got to find a fix. It made me think though, how many people travel the roller coaster with good reason only to be classed as depressed or god forbid something worse. Depression is adebilitating
illness and thankfully can be treated with the right medication. There must be a fair few riding theroller coaster
of depression with medication paying the one way ticket.