exposing the dark side of adoption
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tina's blog


by tina on Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Hiya, hope some of you remember me! Ive not been around due to my daughter beeing ill. She is much better now so im back!

There are so many new names I feel like an uninvited guest at a party haha

love tina


by tina on Tuesday, 03 June 2008

Cause for celebration (not very Granny like I know haha)!

Sacha came home today!!! she is doing well and revelling in Logan. Logan is as lovely as ever and getting bigger by the day. Sacha is going to be assessed for a heart and lung transplant in the next few weeks but we are trying not to think too much about it. Like Sach said there is too much living to be done to be wasting it on worrying

Pics say it all

by tina on Saturday, 19 April 2008

Sacha is now off the ventilator, she still has a bit of a way to go but is improving daily. Here is Sacha finally getting to meet her 2week old son Logan yesterday.

mixed emotions

by tina on Tuesday, 15 April 2008

I have probably spent over an hour just trying to start this blog.  I have so many emotions going around my head right now and came to the conclusion that they are my emotions and it is my head so I'l spare you all my ramblings. Sacha is showing signs of improvement according to test results. Improvement can only be a good thing. Logan is so perfect but it doesnt feel quite right celebrating him. Every pleasure he gives feels like a betrayal if that makes sense. Even taking him out in the pram feels like Im stealing precious first memories from my Sacha. She is going to be a brilliant mum to Logan, I just know she is.

Meet Logan

So excited

by tina on Wednesday, 02 April 2008

I haven't been around much lately but for a very good reason. My daughter is 8 days over due with my first grandchild! God it makes me sound old. I don't feel old enough to be a mum let alone a Nan but I'm so excited! She is going to be started off on Thursday so I will soon be holding my grandson.

I can't describe how I feel. It probably sounds very self absorbed but for the first time in my life I have a sense of belonging and roots. I know that must sound strange, I haven't quite worked out myself yet why it feels the way it does. Up till now it's just been me and my kids. Until I discovered my family almost 3 years ago the kids family started and ended with me and their Dad. Their Dad was brought up in care and the only information he has from care records is that his mum died when he was 5 and his dad was deported back to Persia the same year. I feel like I'm becoming apart of a family tree! I started off as a stick and grew three twigs (that's how it felt) and all of a sudden the addition of a new baby has blew away my vision of sticks and twigs and replaced it with a vision of a real healthy tree! Yeh, I know, I sound mad, but god it feels good! The best thing is my daughters son will never ever have to feel like he has no roots.

You can be sure I will be back with more mad thoughts and excited rambles within the next few days!

by tina on Sunday, 16 March 2008

Inspectors for the child protection arena are always careful to never blame anyone for bad work.. Ofsted though deserves around of applaus for showing just how badly CAFCASS do their work.

An inspection of service provision by the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass)

to children and families in the East Midlands.

The key findings:

inspectors found serious and significant deficits in the service it delivers to children, young people and families
involved in family proceedings, particularly in private law.

Inspectors found an unacceptable number of instances where they could not be assured that a child’s safety or welfare was being safeguarded. Some cases were of such concern that inspectors had to ask Cafcass to take immediate action to satisfy itself that children were indeed safe.

an unacceptable number of case files and case plans to be of an inadequate standard. Many case files did not provide evidence that planning and intervention were proportionate to the child’s needs. Inspectors concluded that too great a number of practitioners concentrate on writing down what has happened rather than concentrating on the very important task of analysing and evaluating information.

by tina on Sunday, 16 March 2008

"I wouldn't say it is anybody's fault," he told a journalist. "There were a number of factors that led to [the failure to identify JR as a child at risk]. Some of them were to do with systems the agencies were operated [sic], and also, we must remember that within these organizations there are individual human beings and where their core role, the day job, isn't primarily concerned with protecting children, and is concerned with providing support or treatment to children…and, in some cases, adults, and it's human nature to be optimistic about situations where there's nothing definite to go on."

These were the words of Chris Few, independent chairman of the LSCB Following publication of a review of "Child JR Born September 2005 Died November 2005" by Northamptonshire's Local Safeguarding Children Board.

Of the 30 or more 'professionals' that came into contact with the baby during the last 10 days of her short life every one managed to absolve themselves of any blame. 'Optimism' is obviously the new word for 'forget her, she'll be alright'.

Not one photograph exsists of Jessica Randell in life. No one ever bothered to take one. Her 54 days of life consisted of continual sexual and physical abuse by her father. 20 or so fractures, new and old, blood clots, bleeding and bruises, cuts and abrasions, all corrupted her under-weight frame. Any physical signs where invisible through the glow of optimism it would seem.

A paediatrician contacted a GP and health visitor because of "welfare concerns". A child protection nurse was told that social worker involvement would "compromise" the health visitor's relationship with the parents. Oh forever the optimist! Yet another innocent babe failed by Social Services.

open letter

by tina on Thursday, 07 February 2008

We don't know each other, are paths have probably never even crossed but I have some things I want to say. Why, your probably asking. Well I was once the child your child is today. Maybe I just want you to hear the things I wish my adoptive parents had heard. I don't know, all I do know though is I care enough to say what a child cant.

Adoption hurts. It hurts real bad and it is a lonely hurt. How does a child who hurting for the loss of  their mum and the life they cannot have find away to tell you, you the mum and dad who they love, and who loves them, how can they do it. They cant and they don't, and do you know why? fear of hurting you. So you see we cry inside and we pretend we have no interest in our past and that we learn to smile when you tell us how happy and special it was the day you got us, for you adoption day was all those things and more. For the child it was the day they lost what should have been but couldn't be. The day they stopped being who they where. Does that make sense. A day of grief.

There are no simple answers when it comes to helping your adopted child grieve. We all face grief at some point in our lives, how best we cope with it very much depends on the support around us. It is automatic to want to heal the pain of grief in our child. As an adoptive parent you will want to provide that same love and understanding to your adopted child. This is where your needs and wants may well differ from what your child wants and needs.

When you adopt a child undoubtedly, you want to feel the child is truly yours. In every way equal, No different from if you had given birth to them. You want them to feel the same. It is not the same and you may well have to go through a grief process of your own to come to terms with that.

The grief process can be broken down into stages. Typically Shock, disbelief, sadness, extreme sense of loss and bewilderment. Understanding, acceptance and ultimately moving on. What order the process takes is not important nor does it have a time span. Arriving at the point of acceptance and moving on is the point at which we heal.


by tina on Saturday, 02 February 2008

I cant remember any other human being annoying me the way Gerry Mccann does. Now I know I shouldn't get personal but you know what I feel it's personal. A personal insult to my intelligence. Just where do they get off and what next.

A specialist in image age enhancement supplied a photo likeness of how Maddie would have changed over time. Not an easy task I'm sure.. That picture update must have been used on every Blog and news report about Maddie, except that is... the Mccanns sites. If I am right they have never give thanks or acknowledged the photo of their daughter.

Now under their own steam and at their command they have produced their own version of photo (another waste of pissing money) too be honest looking at the photo you could be excused for thinking its a hoax, but oh no it's real

by tina on Saturday, 02 February 2008

They may have got their own way (for now)... but at least they were forced to follow the law.

Baby 'snatched' from mother minutes after birth is ordered BACK into foster care.

A mother who had her baby son taken illegally by social workers wept yesterday as a court ordered he should be put in care after all.

The 18-year-old, who cannot be identified for legal reasons, broke down in tears and had to be supported by two relatives as she received the devastating news.

It has been a three-day rollercoaster for the young mother. Her son, known as Baby G for legal reasons,was snatched from her in hospital by social services two hours after birth.