Being Different

There are certain Life Events that trigger Adoption Issues.  Ordinary, Normal, Every-Day, Run-of-the-mill Events that affect adoptees in ways that are the same (to one another) but Different to Normal People.

Having to explain this to a Normal Person is like having to explain color to a blind person, or sound to a deaf person.  It's based on Feelings.  Internalized Feelings that often times defy words and logic... to the Outsider.

I recall College being one such Life Altering Event.  My mind reels in memory.  Those were the best and worst years of my life.  Years I would NEVER want to re-live... and yet am cursed by the choices I made.  Go figure.

I also recall in Nursing School during our Psych Rotation learning about various mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia.  en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia.  In fact, it was during one such lecture I fell into a horrific Flashback.  We were watching an Oprah show on this woman with multiple personalities.  I remember her discussing certain Memories in her childhood, and different Cries she had.  It triggered me.

I don't recall what happened... other than being balled on the floor... crying... with my dear sweet friends surrounding me.

They knew SOME things about me... but not enough to know why i was in such a state of agonized grief.

I didn't know what was happening, either... it just Took Over, as those Feelings often do to the wounded soul.  NO person has control over Feelings.  They happen for a Reason.

I just knew i was dying... only my body wasn't listening to my heart.

There's a lot I remember.

There's a lot I don't.  Thank GOD.  Those are the memories and flashbacks i fear catching-up to me.

I get flashbacks.  Sensory-ones that scare the life out of me.  I can't escape them... they Haunt... like the faces and demons that they are.  Some are real... some i know are my imagination.  The sad scary part is... some of my REAL Life experiences ARE Horrific.  You can't make That sorta stuff up.  It can't be Faked or Lied about.  Stupid stuff can... maybe that's why those diagnosed with RAD are termed "liars".  Maybe kids lie because they know adults can't handle the truth.  [Odd how  I always have a hollywood-association to my words.  "A Few Good Men".  Excellent court-room scene.]

Anyway, my Flashbacks started in College.

Drugs made them worse.  MUCH worse.  I wonder how many drug-related deaths in college are related to abused adoptees 'acting out" their pain/aggression?  What are the chances Statistics can be found?  Slim to none? 

Schizophrenia  is seen/diagnosed most in the early-adult years.  I wonder how many Adoptees/Fosterees are misdiagnosed by so-called Professionals.  Being Different has it's mask and manifestations.  But we Adoptees already knew that.  It was a Parting Gift given at the time of Relinquishment.

Some get better owners than most. Some get better Life Experiences than others.  It's a luck of the draw of documentation.

I wonder who decides that.  And who gets to decide who is mentally ill, or not.

We didn't ask to be born and traded.

THAT'S what makes US Different.