Mourning the Mommy that could never be

One of the saddest realities I have learned through my own experience is life without a Mommy.

I cringe when people assume adoption will provide that missing maternal-link for a child, because the truth is, no such guarantee can be made.  Mistakes in placement happen, and I believe the end-result can be catastrophic.

I don't understand the woman incapable of loving her own child... and I don't understand the people who prevent the natural mother from giving her love a try.  There's something seriously WRONG with the words, "You're not good enough to be given a chance".

I don't know what my life could or would have been like had my mom kept me.  It was never tested or tried.  All I know is I was given to a family filled with angry people, driven by so many bitter stories, unresolved personal issues  and a need for retribution, if not revenge.

Why did it have to be that way?

Why didn't anyone make sure the baby-girl placed would be safe?

For the life of me, I will never understand the motivations behind money, when so much life and love can so easily get lost.

Above all else, I wish both moms had better sense when it came to my needs as a feeling, needing person.  Both have left me damaged, and I wish to God I knew who to blame.  I need to blame someone for the grief I feel for the little girl who could have been loved and protected like she should have been.  I grieve the loss of Me, the girl who should have had a Mommy.