Open Records, Open Minds: Psychiatry & Adoption

from: gracielynn.typepad.com

Pt. 1: Missed & Dismissed

This was prompted by a post from Denise, aka Second Chance Mother, called "On the Borderline."

FYI: this is difficult for me to put out there - I am extremely sensitive about anything to do with my actual or perceived "psych" conditions.  But I feel, in the spirit of dealing with it and growing and overcoming, it's absolutely something I have to put out there.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder very young (6th-ish grade) and always felt... well, that I wasn't, really. At the time, I chalked that up to a disease symptom and complied with treatment.  For years.  For years, I took everything they gave me.  However, in college, when I really started researching and "questioning" (read: messing with my medications), I thought I might have Borderline Personality Disorder, too.  Another therapist in a long line of therapists agreed with me.

Cut to today: off all meds and dealing with my adoption issues... I'm POSITIVE... absolutely positive that my issues are adoption related.  100%-no-doubt-in-my-mind, identity/adoption related.  The DAY I had it out with my real mom, I suddenly wasn't so angry and depressed anymore. Even in seemingly un-related areas of life.  I wasn't as argumentative, I was quieter, I was calmer and able to control myself in ways I had never been able to before.  Just having her in my life and available made me better.  Not made me "feel better" temporarily or just with family issues, but actually made me better.  Take it for what you will but i feel adoption-related disorders are continually missed and dismissed by health care professionals.

Clearly a sore spot for me... wasted years that could have been spent dealing with REAL issues... instead I was dealing with fake diagnoses and resistant docs.  Looking back now and doing my own research, I think it is MUCH more likely (putting it likely: in my opinion, i'm sure) that I had/have RAD: Reactive Attachment Disorder due to my adoption.  I was a perfect candidate - why has no one ever mentioned it to me?  It is a technically "new"-ish actual diagnosis, but the idea of it has been around for a long time.  It's just super controversial.

Part of my problem with therapy is that I view myself as having a good understanding of my issues.  I KNOW when what I'm doing is inappropriate, unhealthy, even outright crazy.  I know.  Just sometimes, I choose to do it anyway.

I have always found myself to be as smart as, if not smarter than, my therapists and psychiatrists.  When younger, I often was manipulative and would run circles around them tricking my way into whatever it is I wanted at the time.  I am an EXCELLENT player in the "Beat the Therapist" game.  Truth.

Part of the reason for this is that they didn't treat me like I was smart.  They also didn't address issues that hit home with me.  Ever.

The curious thing (to me) is, EVERY therapist I have had knew I was adopted, knew I had parental issues, etc. etc. yet the topic/situation was NEVER addressed with me.  Never.  The first one to speak to me about it was my most recent, and only because I brought it up to him.

Perhaps if I had been approached with something that I could relate to, something validating ("Yes, you feel this way and you are not alone, and it is because of something that happened to you which you had no control over), PERHAPS I would have wasted less time running circles and grown up a little happier.

Why isn't this acceptable? Probably because of the "adoption is a good thing" mentality.  Duh.  But I'm sick and tired of it.  I'm sick and tired about the only time the world hears about adoption and attachment is when some sicko AP does some crazy "re-birthing" or "holding" or other awful child torture so-called "bonding and healing" experiment crap.  No, that is NOT what I'm talking about here.  That's crazy.  I'm talking about the need to openly acknowledge adoption as a root cause of psychiatric disorders and therefore, allow them to be treated appropriately.

Let me put this in perspective.  Here are the "signs & symptoms" list for Bipolar, BPD and RAD:

BIPOLAR DISORDER (Children - http://bipolar.about.com/cs/kids_diag/a/red_flags4.htm):

Very Common

• Separation Anxiety
  
• Rages & Explosive Temper Tantrums (lasting up to several hours)
  
• Marked Irritability
  
• Oppositional Behavior
  
• Frequent Mood Swings
  
• Distractibility
  
• Hyperactivity
  
• Impulsivity
  
• Restlessness/ Fidgetiness
  
• Silliness, Goofiness, Giddiness
  
• Racing Thoughts
  
• Aggressive Behavior
  
• Grandiosity
  
• Carbohydrate Cravings
  
• Risk-Taking Behaviors
  
• Depressed Mood
  
• Lethargy
  
• Low Self-Esteem
  
• Difficulty Getting Up in the Morning
  
• Social Anxiety
  
• Oversensitivity to Emotional or Environmental Triggers

Common

• Bed-Wetting (especially in boys)
  
• Night Terrors
  
• Rapid or Pressured Speech
  
• Obsessional Behavior
  
• Excessive Daydreaming
  
• Compulsive Behavior
  
• Motor & Vocal Tics
  
• Learning Disabilities
  
• Poor Short-Term Memory
  
• Lack of Organization
  
• Fascination with Gore or Morbid Topics
  
• Hypersexuality
  
• Manipulative Behavior
  
• Bossiness
  
• Lying
  
• Suicidal Thoughts
  
• Destruction of Property
  
• Paranoia
  
• Hallucinations & Delusions

Less Common

• Migraine Headaches
  
• Bingeing
  
• Self-Mutilating Behaviors
  
• Cruelty to Animals

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER - (http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx10.htm):

• Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment    
• A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
• Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self    
• Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
• Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior    
• Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
• Chronic feelings of emptiness    
• Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
• Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER [ADULT - www.radkid.org]:

• Avoidant
  • Unreasonable or inappropriate anger
  • Hostile
  • Overcritical of others and self
  • Intolerant of rules and authority
  • Lack of empathy or remorse
  • Views others as untrustworthy and unreliable
  • Shallow/Vain
  • Feelings of self-importance
  • Feelings of entitlement or arrogance
  • Self-reliance; prefers to work alone than with others
  • Views relationships as threatening, or not worth the effort
  • May be a workaholic, as a way of avoiding relationships
  • Feelings of being unique
  • Grandiose or unrealistic fantasies
• Anxious/Ambivalent
  • Compulsive caregiving
  • Feels underappreciated
  • Many short-term relationships
  • Idealizes others
  • Possessive; makes unrealistic demands of partners in relationships
  • Preoccupied with relationships, and easily makes declarations of affection
  • Obtains feelings of security through relationships
  • Sees relationships as imbalanced
  • Oversensitive to rejection, easily gives in to jealousy
  • Sees others as being difficult to understand
  • Unable to understand the concept of altruism
    Extreme emotions
• May Also Include
  • Prone to depression
  • Socially inappropriate behavior
  • Impulsive
  • Manipulative
  • Risk-taking
  • Self-mutilating behavior
  • Often do not remember much of childhood experiences
  • Darkness behind the eyes when angered
  • At risk of abusing their own children
  • Children with RAD may become adults diagnosed with sociopathic, narcissistic, antisocial, or borderline disorder

You'll notice, the similarities are RIDICULOUS.  How can you really differentiate between those things in CHILDREN?  Is it any surprise that RAD kids go on to become BPD Adults??  But, if they are so close, what does it matter if the actual disorder is diagnosed?  It matters because of the TREATMENT.  Borderline is chronic, pervasive, and rooted in chemistry and ACTUAL disordered personality.  RAD is CURABLE.  This is what RAD is rooted in:

• In utero maternal drug or alcohol abuse
• Birth trauma
• Unwanted pregnancy
• Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse during the first 3 years of life
• Physical or emotional neglect
• Separation from birth mother early in life
• Chaotic family situation
• Harsh and inconsistent parenting
• Overindulgent parenting
• Multiple changes in living location
• Inadequate day care; multiple care givers
• Frequent moves or placements in the foster care system; failed adoptions
• Traumatic experiences
• Undiagnosed painful illness; unresolved, ongoing pain
• Maternal alcohol or drug use
• Maternal depression
• A lack of attunement between the mother and child
• Young or inexperienced mother with poor parenting skills

ACCURATE DIAGNOSIS = ACCURATE TREATMENT.  That's it.  If you ignore the RAD, OF COURSE it won't go away.  Of course it goes hand-in-hand with other psych disorders.  Don't treat it and it is BOUND to fester, get worse, and/or manifest as BPD or Bipolar or other.

Adoptees are lucky, in a sense- the root of the disease is CLEAR.  It is treatable, hopefully curable, if focused on and addressed properly.  We are unlucky, obviously, since no one is willingly to admit adoption could be the root of a true psychiatric problem.

Psychiatry is about probing the depths of the mind, getting to the ROOT of problems to solve them.  Drugs are OK.  ECT does it's thing.  Alternative therapies are chill.  It's all well and good but it's ALL TEMPORARY - all of it, always, if you DON'T DEAL WITH THE TRUE UNDERLYING ISSUE.  Excuse the all caps, I can't stress this enough.  So, if you have the WRONG DIAGNOSIS, you are treating and addressing the WRONG ISSUES.

Thing is, I'm not about the labels.  Personally, I think they are for cans.  However, with that said:

WRONG DIAGNOSIS = WRONG TREATMENT

Wrong treatment = patient frustration, feelings of failure, feelings of hopelessness, feelings of not being understood, feelings of it being impossible to ever feel better.  Does that sound like effective treatment to anyone?  Refusing to acknowledge adoption as an underlying problem resulting in a psychiatric condition WILL result in the WRONG diagnosis and therefore, the WRONG TREATMENT.

We cannot help these kids our ourselves if we don't start acknowledging the trauma adoption causes the KIDS.  FOR LIFE.  Let them talk.  Let them be themselves and let them ACKNOWLEDGE what happened to them.

It's just as important as Open Records.

I think first and foremost, everyone deserves to know where they came from and have the opportunity to know their family and have their questions answered.  Sometimes that isn't possible.  It's unfortunate but true.  Sometimes it just isn't possible.  DON'T punish those adoptees further by denying them help and acceptance.

Don't deny these kids, who become adults, their mommies, their identity, their heritage, and then add insult to injury by denying them the acknowledgment of what  has happened to them.

RAD is REAL.

Adoption related psychiatric disorders are REAL and they HURT.

OPEN RECORDS, OPEN MINDS.  Please.