Finding families for children
Niels you asked, "I wonder if your agency advertized with statements like: "finding families for children"."
The answer sadly, is yes.
We were told that the reason that the biological mothers relinquished is because they could not take care of the children nor care for them.
At no point did we ever imagine that 7 years later we would find our children's biological family, intact and doing well, albeit poor.
Which brings to mind the question of when is poverty ever a criteria to give up a child for ICA?!
It is interesting to note, the mother and extended family are good people and mothering other children, even ones born after our children's relinquishment.
None of the children show signs of malnutrition nor abuse. So what happened to our child?
One cannot help but wonder HOW did this relinquishment come about in the first place?
When did the placement occur? Is the orphanage responsible for the abuse and neglect?
Was the child transferred to another orphanage when she was referred to us?
These are just a few of the many many questions swirling around in my head.
And now we grapple with the duty to tell our children their true history. You cannot hide the truth, especially when you find out the birthmother loves them and has worried about them and...misses them. When the investigator found her, she collapsed in tears. She had prayed all these years to hear from them and know that they are ok. She asked for nothing, just to be reassured that they were ok and to be shown a photo of the children that she can keep.
One child wants to know, the other doesn't fully understand. A child deserves to know their true identity and their true history.
We cannot keep this from them.
Did the agency ever care about the effect that all of this would have on the adopted children growing up and trying to make sense of this all?
Did the agency ever care about the effect that all of this would have on TWO families?
Dear Adoption Agency-
Our children had a family and they were placed for adoption. How?