exposing the dark side of adoption
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ramblings from the original pup


Oh, how true the name is.

I was asked to "blog" my thoughts as to the scary idea that it help help someone.  With my current mood though, I would be extremely surprised if someone wanted to take the time and actually read this.

And now that I have sat down to turn my thousand of incomplete thoughts that are racing around in my mind at the same time, they are failing me to form a complete thought so I can put them up on the screen.  *Warning, if you read this and you are a perfectionist for grammer and spelling....please turn away.  When I write like this, most of the rules get thrown out the window.*

To be honest, I'm in "I don't want to talk to people" mood.  I know, everyone gets in that mood.  One of those, everyone can just kiss my a@@ or go f-off.  Why is it when I reach out for people when I need them.......no one.  But then the next day when it is convienient(sp) for THEM, everyone wants to talk.  Sorry, but it's too f-n late.  I needed your "touch" YESTERDAY!!  And when someone says, I'll call you right back...that means RIGHT back not 24 hours later. 

The biggest problem is that I know that this mood cycles around.  I KNOW it.  If you ask another pup, I am usually one of the most level headed puppies around.  I can control the highs and lows.  I find ways to stay at sea level and not rise to the peak or tumble down to the valley.  But, why can't I ever see the tidal wave coming that takes me down to the deep depths of solitude.  Why can't I ever prepare myself.  I know it's going to show up.  And when it hits...I look around for someone to throw me a life jacket.....but no one is there.  I look to the edge of the sea as I get pulled down and see nothing.  So, I usually run, literally.  Running has always been my release, so I went for a run last night.  But 'it' was waiting for me when I got back and 'it' hit me square in the face.  Once again, I look in my corner...searching for someone to throw in the towel for me.....but no one, so I'm there to take the beating.  I know I can get through this 'cycle' but I hate being in it.

Being lonely is bad during this time.  Not understand why you can't find someone so you are not lonely is worse.  I think I'm a decent guy.  I stay in shape, have a decent sense of humor, I don't have three eyes so I'm not truly hideous to look at.  Why can't I find someone to share life with?

I'm done...I give up...(and I NEVER give up)

by originalpup on Thursday, 08 November 2007