ramblings from the original pup
Oh, how true the name is.
I was asked to "blog" my thoughts as to the scary idea that it help help someone. With my current mood though, I would be extremely surprised if someone wanted to take the time and actually read this.
And now that I have sat down to turn my thousand of incomplete thoughts that are racing around in my mind at the same time, they are failing me to form a complete thought so I can put them up on the screen. *Warning, if you read this and you are a perfectionist for grammer and spelling....please turn away. When I write like this, most of the rules get thrown out the window.*
To be honest, I'm in "I don't want to talk to people" mood. I know, everyone gets in that mood. One of those, everyone can just kiss my a@@ or go f-off. Why is it when I reach out for people when I need them.......no one. But then the next day when it is convienient(sp) for THEM, everyone wants to talk. Sorry, but it's too f-n late. I needed your "touch" YESTERDAY!! And when someone says, I'll call you right back...that means RIGHT back not 24 hours later.
The biggest problem is that I know that this mood cycles around. I KNOW it. If you ask another pup, I am usually one of the most level headed puppies around. I can control the highs and lows. I find ways to stay at sea level and not rise to the peak or tumble down to the valley. But, why can't I ever see the tidal wave coming that takes me down to the deep depths of solitude. Why can't I ever prepare myself. I know it's going to show up. And when it hits...I look around for someone to throw me a life jacket.....but no one is there. I look to the edge of the sea as I get pulled down and see nothing. So, I usually run, literally. Running has always been my release, so I went for a run last night. But 'it' was waiting for me when I got back and 'it' hit me square in the face. Once again, I look in my corner...searching for someone to throw in the towel for me.....but no one, so I'm there to take the beating. I know I can get through this 'cycle' but I hate being in it.
Being lonely is bad during this time. Not understand why you can't find someone so you are not lonely is worse. I think I'm a decent guy. I stay in shape, have a decent sense of humor, I don't have three eyes so I'm not truly hideous to look at. Why can't I find someone to share life with?
I'm done...I give up...(and I NEVER give up)