exposing the dark side of adoption
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originalpup's blog

by originalpup on Thursday, 08 November 2007

Oh, how true the name is.

I was asked to "blog" my thoughts as to the scary idea that it help help someone.  With my current mood though, I would be extremely surprised if someone wanted to take the time and actually read this.

And now that I have sat down to turn my thousand of incomplete thoughts that are racing around in my mind at the same time, they are failing me to form a complete thought so I can put them up on the screen.  *Warning, if you read this and you are a perfectionist for grammer and spelling....please turn away.  When I write like this, most of the rules get thrown out the window.*

To be honest, I'm in "I don't want to talk to people" mood.  I know, everyone gets in that mood.  One of those, everyone can just kiss my a@@ or go f-off.  Why is it when I reach out for people when I need them.......no one.  But then the next day when it is convienient(sp) for THEM, everyone wants to talk.  Sorry, but it's too f-n late.  I needed your "touch" YESTERDAY!!  And when someone says, I'll call you right back...that means RIGHT back not 24 hours later. 

The biggest problem is that I know that this mood cycles around.  I KNOW it.  If you ask another pup, I am usually one of the most level headed puppies around.  I can control the highs and lows.  I find ways to stay at sea level and not rise to the peak or tumble down to the valley.  But, why can't I ever see the tidal wave coming that takes me down to the deep depths of solitude.  Why can't I ever prepare myself.  I know it's going to show up.  And when it hits...I look around for someone to throw me a life jacket.....but no one is there.  I look to the edge of the sea as I get pulled down and see nothing.  So, I usually run, literally.  Running has always been my release, so I went for a run last night.  But 'it' was waiting for me when I got back and 'it' hit me square in the face.  Once again, I look in my corner...searching for someone to throw in the towel for me.....but no one, so I'm there to take the beating.  I know I can get through this 'cycle' but I hate being in it.

by originalpup on Thursday, 02 November 2006

Every lost pup has it's own story and no two stories or endings are the same. Lost pups know about the unwritten foundation that is common among all the lost pups. Can everybody understand that foundation? Not likely, even for us lost pups, it's not truly understood. How can something so simple be known but not understood?

Where do lost puppies begin to search and what do they search for? Torn between finding themselves and surviving. Normal pups when searching, search in the brightest of light in the plushest of lawns, gaining confidence and identity. Lost pups must search in the darkness of night, afraid to take even the smallest scraps, easily jumping at the chance to call something their own only to loose it at the crack of dawn. Each day they are torn between the search for identity or their past. Can the journey start for one without the knowledge of the other? Which must come first in order to start the other? Downtime is the lost pups Achilles heal. Watching the outside world move about their day with happiness, fulfillment and purpose creates a sense of retreat back into the safety net of darkness. As normal pups grow to play in the clear meadows with bright blue skies and gentle breezes. Lost pups remain underground, blending in with their environment.

Even if the lost pup is rescued, it will never trust completely. It is always reminded of the scars it received while underground and asks, why was I chosen. Grateful to be rescued only to learn they will not be staying in the house. Grateful to be rescued only to be easily trampled upon and used. Why do the pups want to be rescued? Because it's our nature to want a better life. But is it really?