In this time of high taxes and intrusive government, it concerns us all, to look closely, at a program most people are not aware of. The State of New Jersey currently maintains a program that keeps a select group of mothers in hiding. Participation in this program is not a matter of choice or even desire on the part of the women whose secrecy it maintains. Many of these women have been abused by state and private agencies, made to feel unworthy, ashamed, and guilty. Their most cherished needs have been ignored trampled, and denied. They have committed no crime against their state. They have in fact made the greatest sacrifice a mother can make. Their sacrifice defines them as having the most fundamental quality of motherhood. They selflessly placed the welfare of their children above any needs of their own, denying their most primal love and devotion for the sake of their children.
A sacrifice of this magnitude is unbearable and unthinkable. These vulnerable mothers were often compelled and coerced to make this most painful of all choices under duress. In return for this the state holds these women in secret, forever apart from their children even as they grow into adulthood. The desires and choices of these adults carry no weight in the face of government mandated secrecy. Mothers must be “protected” from their offspring even when their sons and daughters grow into adulthood. Their desires as adult individuals carry no legal authority. Further, no law has ever been passed with the intent of keeping mothers from their legally adult children. How then does one become a part of this witness protection program for mothers? Just relinquish your child for adoption. You will never see each other again even if you desire it decades later. The Oregon Court of Appeals has ruled in Jane Doe 1,2,3,4,5,and 7 VS The State of Oregon, 12/29/1999 that; “ Neither a birth nor an adoption may be carried out in the absolute cloak of secrecy that may surround contraception or the early termination of a pregnancy.” The Tennessee Supreme Court in Promise Doe, ET AL., VS Donald Sundquist, ET, AL., 9/27/1999 has ruled that; “Limited access to adoption records is in the best interest of both adopted persons and the general public.”
My first mother fought to keep me but what can a single 17 year old do against a society’s beliefs that deny her emotions and mine. A society that believes mothers are simply interchangeable devalues motherhood as a whole. In defiance of New Jersey’s archaic secrecy law, I searched for my first mother. By the time I found her she was in a grave in Texas. We deserved better. Because I have no right to know my name the search took half of my life.. We should have had the right to know each other if we chose to. The state should assist us not stand between us. We should have had the right to know each other if we chose to. A bill is pending in New Jersey to preserve the heritage of families so mothers and their adult children will have the same rights as any other citizen, to know each other once again. Support S1087
Robert Allan Hafetz
Born January 28, 1951 in The Door of Hope Booth Home, Jersey City, New Jersey.
Currently resides at;
1014 Surrey Lane
Warrington, P.A. 18976 Roberthafetz@comcast.net, Bio; www.neaspa.com/id14.htm
215-343-3319 (If you choose to publish this essay please include my Email)