The super-duper happy-to-entertain adoptee, and the fog under which the adopted breathe

An AP asked my opinion on the super-duper adoptee -- the one who always seems happy to entertain others.  The Amom asked if I had any information that supports the belief that an orphan from a really good orphanage can in fact become a super-duper stress-free happy adoptee after an adoption.

I was stumped because the truth is, those adoptees I know who portray themselves as super-duper happy are, from what I see, A) really great performers and B) typically still in the adoption fog - a fog that can cloud the most basic of all adoption issues, anger, and it's sister, anxiety.  For many of us, the fog makes life-events do a complete flip, so not healthy circumstances becomes "normal", and healthy/normal reactions becomes a real threat.

I know I was myself was a super-duper performer, and I described some of my ideal behavior in my piece Adoption Myths, and Realities.

What I remember most about Suzie and myself was the way in which we were introduced to other adults, and the ways in which we could easily entertain them. Both she and I were the token adopted girls, girls from another country. Both she and I were "saved" from the horrors of institutional care, and removed from bleak pathetic parts of the world, where there was very little modern development and no real economic future, unless prostitution was going to be one's calling and profession.

I suppose most die-hard Americans (not familiar with children from other countries ) were expecting foreign children, chosen from an orphanage, to be drooling retards, or something equally disturbing. Suzie and I proved we were indeed "different". She and I could sing, dance, and recite poems or a lesson, as well as we could remember. We were the trick-ponies our mothers loved to take out for exhibit. Suzie, (the little Asian girl), and I (the blond almost-American) seemed to have a wealth of untapped talent, and an ability to perform on command and cue. We could do this, and show no sign of discomfort or dread. Our real talent was complex, because whether we had a talent or not, that was not the issue. The issue was, a job had to be done. She and I would do it, or at the very least, try to do the job, as best we can, hoping our efforts would please others, and win us special favors... like praise, or something special to eat. (We were not at all like our new-parent's sons, boys who, for some reason, refused to behave as well as the goody-two-shoes adopted girls.)

At a very young age, Suzie and I had developed strong survival-skills. For some reason, it makes me sad knowing we were so skilled/talented.. so loved and yet so hated, at such a young age.

I can only imagine what the local neighbors thought when they saw the showcased adopted child (from another country) give her staged performance. Did performing-children like us inspire others to adopt from foreign countries? The answer is yes. I recall several times a new-mom would tell my Amother she and I had been the source of inspiration to adopt from another country, like Guatemala or Peru.

I can't speak for Suzie, but every time I was asked to perform, I simply felt as though I had to please my superiors...or else. I hated how every one seemed superior to me.

Now, to be under the influence of the adoption fog... that is a bit more tricky, as I believe most who are in the fog don't know they are actually in it.  [Only when it's lifted do things (adoption issues and anxieties) become much more clear.]

This remark (and video), offers a good example of fog-living for the adoptee:  A PPL member/adoptee wrote,  "I was told by a dozen people I reminded them of Margot Tenenbaum. I was in my adoption fog at the time, and it didn't even register about the adoption factor!"   [Please watch the video.... it's funny.]

Now, I'm not suggesting a child who was adopted is not able to be happy, but I do believe what an AP sees as normal and happy - well-adjusted - may in fact be a child performing for the sake of the parent (as a way to please) and a child suffering with profound anxiety, brought about because he/she was adopted.

Any adoptees want to comment on how an adoptee will act/perform/behave, for the sake of others, especially the parent?