"Always wanted to adopt"

This past Labor Day weekend, I attended a party and sat with a woman who told me, "Ever since I was a child, I always wanted to adopt."

Really?  Why?  [At this point I did NOT tell her my "adoption experience".]

She didn't really have an answer, so instead, she told me adoption wasn't an option any more because her husband didn't want a child with so much baggage.  Interesting.  I believe that was why my Aparents wanted to adopt a baby from Canada --  I was white, I was still considered a baby, and I had less baggage.  [Back in the late 1960's Nova Scotia and Newfoundland were adoption hot-spots for the wealthy and infertile.  For a glimpse, see:  Butterbox Babies and The Ideal Maternity Home.]  My American AP's wanted a baby-girl to complete their family, so they went to a place that sold  placed white babies, through adoption.  It was the perfect solution to their personal problem.

I never wanted to adopt.  I never really wanted children, for that matter.  I liked to hold babies, and smell fresh diapers and look at the little clothes.  I liked to hold the bottle as a baby fed, but I never wanted a baby to have as my own -- it was just too much work... too much responsibility.  I liked to spend time with a baby, but then I also liked returning that baby to its mother, especially when that baby was no longer happy with me.  People had always assumed because I was female, and very "girly" I wanted to be a mother.    First question asked after I got married:  "When are you going to have a baby?"

I always wanted a sister.  I always wanted a new puppy.  I never wanted to adopt.  Why would I want to do what was done to me?  Once I got pregnant, the last thing I want to do was give birth.  ["You want WHAT to come out WHERE?!?!?"]


I read today yet another celebrity has made an international adoption announcement.

Katherine Heigl has revealed that she always wanted to adopt a child.

The Grey's Anatomy star - who is adopting a baby girl from Korea with husband Josh Kelley - talked to chat show host Ellen DeGeneres about her decision, saying: "We started talking about adoption even before we were engaged because it's really important to me, it's been a big part of my life and my family - my sister is Korean and my parents adopted her back in the 70s and so I just always knew that this is something I wanted to do."  [From:  Heigl 'always wanted to adopt', September, 11, 2009,  http://www.google.com/hostednews/ukpress/article/ALeqM5gBMoNgFqar_iVbufO8EN8fwvD4_g ]

I can understand this is a woman who saw adoption as a positive experience.  She has an adopted sister; she wants to follow her parents foot-steps... all that jazz makes sense when I look at it from a "keeping tradition" perspective.  However, I don't understand country loyalty, when it comes to child placement practices.  I don't understand why someone who always wanted to adopt does not keep that interest "local".  I don't understand why so many Americans think the best thing you can do to a child is remove that child from his/her own country...like Korea or China or Russia... when there are so many suffering children "at home", in the United States! 

I don't understand why so many people want to "save" orphans from another country, but don't want to help those parents and children who need help in their own backyards.

I don't understand why adoption from a foreign land is so cool... so glamorous... so praised, when mentoring and assisting others on a local level can be so much more beneficial.  Is it because adoption makes headlines and mentoring programs do not?

Why do so many say "I always wanted to adopt", and so few say "I always wanted to mentor and teach?"  


Adoption, the other white

Adoption, the other white meat.

I don't even know who this celebrity is, but it's obvious an actress goes on a talk show hosted by a member of the gay-community and talks about the beauty of adoption. She talks about being done with the whole idea of having children of her own and how it doesn't seem necessary to go through all of that. She adopts from Korea, where there are many special needs children needing a home. I'm guessing her adoption was fast-tracked because she's an American actress.

How much you want to bet more and more homosexuals will want to adopt from foreign countries, like Korea, because they think it will be faster and easier? Yea, it's more money, but it's less legal hassles. Adoption isn't about creating warm loving environments where a suffering abandoned child can thrive. Adoption is about making money, and exporting the unwanted left-overs to those who will buy anything to have the American dream. It's economy, baby. Don't anyone be fooled.

The Celebrity-factor

This topic really triggers me because there is a very dangerous message being sent by celebrities advocating adoption.  The message is:  money can buy anything.  It can buy a baby, it can buy health-care, it can buy clothing, homes and education;  money can buy therapy, when needed.  This is not to say celebrities make "bad parents"... it simply means those with a lot of money can easily pay someone else to do a job for them.

Can money buy happiness? 

I noticed a very disturbing quote, and wonder how many see how adoption and surrogacy go hand-in-hand for those who do not want to ruin their bodies with pregnancy:

"I'm done with the whole idea of having my own children," Heigl has told USA Today. "[It] doesn't seem like any fun. I don't think it's necessary to go through all of that."

 [From "Grey's Anatomy Star Katherine Heigl to Adopt", September 9, 2009, http://www.usmagazine.com/momsbabies/news/katherine-heigl-adopting-197031 ]

Could there be a worse reason for a celebrity to use when advocating adoption as a family-planning option?  Vanity mirror, anyone?

2009 - 2007 = 3

The fact her adoption was fast tracked is indeed an interesting observation. Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley were married December 23, 2007, while South Korea has a 3 years marriage rule. Couples cannot adopt unless they have been married for more than three years.

Hmm... preferential treatment...

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