exposing the dark side of adoption
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Email posted by Danalee Thornock

This email is taken in it's exact entirety as it was sent to me. I have been gracious enough to remove last names and email addresses. This was posted to a PUBLIC Forum. ~Jen Piedra

Date: Sat, 5 Apr 2003 07:51:29 -0700

From: Danalee

Subject: positively negative

Hi,I attended a seminar a while ago and the thing that stuck in my mind was that you need to say 5 positive things to your children to balance out saying one negative thing to them. When something negative slips out often it is hard for me to think of 5 positive things and make them seem sincere. And then I realize how negative I have become and try again to remedy the situation. We are no different from our children. Why is it so easy to believe the negative? We have had a very negative client and I am trying to remember all you positive clients and that again reminds me how our children feel. I have received some great pictures lately and appreciate all the kind things you have written and said.

The most puzzling thing to me is that the positive clients are busy living their lives and enjoying their children and the negative ones don't even enjoy their children they just spend all their time on the net downing us and most of the time they do not even mention their child.

The war has brought proved that with the many news reporters in the area there are as many different opinions. Some are very negative while others are positive and encouraging. I know you have felt as I have that you would like to throw a shoe through the TV when some of them report. Those soldiers are over there giving their all and someone is criticizing the way the route they are taking, the way they comb their hair, or they don't have enough wipes etc.!

The frustrating thing to me is that we have no way of defending ourselves except continuing on and knowing we are doing our best. And that some view our best as not nearly good enough. When someone lies what can we do? Someone signed up in September and has a child in March and we have done everything wrong? When they go on the net and say their adoption took so long what can we do? They say we did not call them, I have had the experience of talking to them because Scott has told me they needed a phone call. How did he know they needed a call?He had just talked with them and then they tell me and you they have not talked to Scott in weeks.

And what I love most is that a family goes to country for one week and becomes an expert in the country and adoption in general!I promise you there are many things you do not see in a week. This is a foreign government how can you understand their legal system and behind closed doors intricacies in a week? And I also realize that some of the workers in the country are very good at misrepresenting the process and procedure and embellishing the things they do and minimizing the things that we do. All I can do is ask you to please check with us and hear our take on any given situation. And encourage you to encourage each other in your waitings and slow times. Dana

2003 Apr 5