'It Was Like Colditz, A Coven Of Caves'

Amanda Walker

Sky News

In an exclusive account of life within the walls of the Haut de la Garenne, 48-year-old Pamela tells Sky News of her ongoing torment and desire for justice:

Pamela is dying. Her doctor has said she has five years left before the respiratory disease Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease takes her life.

Her whole life has been one of unimaginable horror. After being beaten by her mother, at the age of 12 she was sent to the Haute de la Garenne in the early 1970s, which she described as a "paedophile's paradise".

"It was like Colditz. They say the name means rabbit warren but it was more like a coven of caves. Scary for a child - scary for any person."

By her own admission, Pamela was a spirited and stubborn child. On her first night in the institution she says the atmosphere and treatment induced a panic attack.

"When I kicked off I was taken to the punishment room - it was tiny. Two male members of staff stripped me naked. They gave me valium every four hours. I asked them if they had been touching me - I had no idea because I was out of my head.

"The only air vent was though to the garage - fumes were constantly coming through. I was lucky to have my pot changed once a week. One day I realised I'd been in there for six months."

She says rape and abuse was rife.

Staff would offer her "a packet of cigarettes for a blow job". She says the other children in the home were like zombies: "Their eyes were dead. So many of them became heroin addicts. Nobody had the willpower to stand up and say what was happening."

Pamela did have the courage to stand up. She reported what was happening to the head of the Haute de la Garenne but her cry for help was ignored.

"I felt betrayed by the whole system," she said.

There have been allegations of establishment cover-ups; claims that child deaths were explained as runaways.

I asked Pamela what the children were told when one of them went missing: "I would ask'Where's Caroline?' for example. 'She's gone away to a foster home.' Eventually I believed what they told me."

Pamela went on to have two children of her own.

"I can say 'I love you' on the phone but I can't show them love. When I was showering them I would cover them with the shower curtain. I shut my eyes when I was drying them because what had happened in there made me feel disgusted to see my own children naked."

Her whole life has been utterly devoid of love. If she could live her life again she says that is what she would change.

"Love is easy and there's so much of it inside me. To have just 10 minutes of affection."

I asked Pamela what she wants to see happen now.

"I want justice. I want the dead to rise up and say thank you for achieving that.

"If justice isn't achieved I will take my own life. Not because I'm mad but because I can't bear to see those people walking down the street."