Alameda family hopes for the best from Nepal adoption
Alameda family hopes for the best from Nepal adoption
By Lucinda Ryan
Correspondent
Posted: 04/23/2009 01:34:15 PM PDT
In 2006, a tiny 5-year-old girl living with her penniless aunt in the mountains of Nepal became a baby sitter so she could earn food. Her mother had died and her father was usually gone, earning what money he could tending yak.
This isn't unusual in the snowy Upper Dolpo region, where poverty and hunger is the standard of living. But Tsering Dolker Gurung's aunt knew of a Tibetan monk, Lama Tenzin, who moved children from those conditions into an orphanage in India. The aunt asked the monk to help little Dolker, to take her to the orphanage where she would eat regular meals and live in a safer, kinder environment.
The monk came to the U.S. to raise money for his child-rescue mission and Tricia Parrish, who knew of Tenzin's work, invited him to speak in Alameda, where she, her husband Philip Kaake and son Emmett Kaake live. He brought pictures of children he had brought to the orphanage, not to encourage people to adopt them, but to sponsor them. His plan was the children would continue to live together at the orphanage, rather than farm them out to strangers in foreign countries.
But when Parrish saw the photo of Dolker carrying a child on her back, she felt a connection.
"I felt like I knew her and that she belonged with us," Parrish said. "I told Philip and we decided to adopt her."
The couple had no previous plans of adding children to their family beyond 13-year-old Emmett. They had never discussed adoption. But their feelings about taking Dolker into their family, though they had yet to meet her, were mutual.
At first the monk was unsure how to respond to the couple's request, but he agreed to the adoption. In July 2008, Dolker arrived in Alameda.
"We picked her up at (San Francisco) airport," Parrish said. "She was so tiny and she was carrying a heavy backpack and a suitcase. She wouldn't let us carry them. It was like it was her responsibility."
Within days, Dolker was playing on the beach at Crab Cove, chattering energetically in broken English, grinning and at ease with her new family. Philip Kaake began an online photo album and within six months he had posted hundreds of pictures of the family's outings and events.
Dolker charmed her teachers and classmates at Otis Elementary School. Dolker became known for her smile and her eagerness to help other children, giving them her toys rather than simply sharing them. For the past month, those teachers and classmates have missed Dolker, who is back in Nepal.
The family needed to finalize the adoption earlier this year. The four of them packed their bags and went to Nepal, anticipating they would all return to the U.S. But Nepal's new government hasn't yet completed developing its adoption laws. Dolker had to be left behind.
"It's heart-breaking," Philip Kaake said.
"She was always laughing and jumping and screaming," Emmett said, adding that it was kind of fun having a little kid in the house.
Between the language differences, details on Dolker's life are sketchy. She is living with a well-known filmmaker's family, but not in the same house the family visited before they left Kathmandu without their new daughter. There are phone calls to Dolker, but her English has already slipped so details about her day get missed.
Though the family hopes the attorneys and connections they have in Nepal will soon bring good news about the adoption and they can fly back to bring Dolker home, they have no knowledge of when that may happen. The emotions are hard enough to deal with, but the money worries make the situation harder.
Otis school's PTA held a coin drive toward the family's efforts to bring Dolker home.
They have so far spent $21,000 in travel and adoption-related fees issued by both the U.S. and Tibet, and they anticipate at least $15,000 more for expenses.
Philip Kaake is a real estate agent and last year was a down year for the market. Parrish has her own business in healing body work. To help make ends meet in this down economy, friends of the family have put a fundraiser in place.
Checks may be mailed to Philip Kaake, in care of Friends of Dolker, 1812 Santa Clara Ave., Alameda, CA 94501 or donations can be made online at bringdolkerhome.com/.
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