Annals Of Orphan Collecting: Madonna Set To Expand Malawian Menagerie

Heather Cocks

Defamer

Understandably unsatisfied with only one legally shaky foreign adoption that's bound and gagged with red tape, Madonna has apparently decided that African moppets work better in pairs. Starter-orphan David Banda's home nation is allegedly allowing Madge to add a girl to her collection, according to This Is London:

Madonna is set to adopt a 13-month-old Malawian orphan called Mercy, it has been claimed. Madonna met 10 girls at the Kondanani Orphan Care Centre at Blantyre last October before deciding and, according to sources, "had her heart set" on another girl, Grace, until the child's extended family objected.

Now the star has been told she can adopt Mercy instead, and will file papers next February before taking her home two months later.

For Madge, it's an important first step toward total Malawian domination, which we expect will end either with her turning the country into a yoga camp, or making an embarrassingly obvious bid for Guinness Book of World Records recognition by absorbing all 13 million men, women, and children into her bulging brood. Well, 13 million minus Grace and her foolish cadre of disapproving relatives, who will be unceremoniously relocated to a far less sexy African nation where not even Brangelina can find them.