When Love Is Not Enough: An Adoption Story

May 19, 2008--Adopting a child is supposed to be a joyful experience. But for one central Iowa couple it has been an a journey marked with unexpected challenges. Tom and Kae Deardorff of Waukee decided to adopt two teenage sister from Russia three years ago after a missionary they support told them about the orphaned girls. After a lot of red tape, endless paperwork, and 30 thousand dollars spent on travel and expenses, the Deardorffs were finally headed home with 16 year old Stayce and 14 year old Dyana.  

But after some of the expected adjustments like learning the language and learning to like American food, Stayce and Dyana started having a hard time bonding with the family. According to Tom and Kae, It seemed like their daughters had a hard time reciprocating the love and affection showered on them by their new parents. Soon, Tom and Kae discovered other problems. Stayce had ADHD. Dyana was abused in Russia and never got counseling to deal with it. The Deardorffs say they wish they had know more about the girls' backgrounds and how to deal with their problems.  

Jeanne White, a counselor with Kavalier and Associates in West Des Moines says many of her clients include Russian children adopted into American homes. She says Russian adopted children are unique in International adoption. Russian kids are often older when they come to the United States and often have behavioral problems associated with fetal alcohol syndrome. And beyond that, they often have trouble bonding with their new families because they still have a bond with their biological families.  

The Deardorffs say this experience has been tough on everyone but they are working hard to help Stayce and Dyana adjust and someday even start to show more love and affection for their parents. With some counseling and time, they believe it will happen.