exposing the dark side of adoption
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The National Council for Adoption: Mothers, Money, Marketing, and Madness, Part 3


What they ignored:

Other scientific research has also been conducted since the beginning of adoption practices and the various findings contradict what the NCFA and agencies falsely advertise.

A study published in 1999 taking in all previously published scientific studies, concluded that:“The relinquishing mother is at risk for long term physical psychological and social repercussions. Although interventions have been proposed, little is known about their effectiveness in preventing or alleviating these repercussions.”

In fact, without question, every study, the historical evidence, the anecdotal evidence, and statistics all point out, to various degrees, that mothers who relinquish are significantly altered by the surrender experience and not in positive nor redeeming ways. While “counseling” is often seen as a way to mitigate negative feelings, reassuring an exiled mother over and over again that her decision was “right” and “best,” it frequently does little but create more internal conflicts as the proposed logic of the surrender’s validity is juxtaposed with her natural maternal yearnings. Of course, none of this information is ever included when the educational information released by an agency that profits financially though the surrender. The NCFA didn’t tell them too. The real scientific evidence might be seen as “negative” and goes against the mission of “promoting a positive” feeling for adoption.

It is frequently proposed that as society and our views of adoption have evolved to an accretive and positive way, then the negative feelings of more current relinquishing mothers will also be on a decline. The Origins-USA 2007 study Mothers’ Voices, Surrender Experiences and Long-Term Effects, concludes that while the approach and methodology of adoption has changed, the internal feelings, the life long grief and the natural feelings of mothers has not changed over almost a fifty year period. It seems that the internal make up of mothers does not permanently and drastically change over time just because everyone tells her it is a good thing. Unfortunately, it does however seem, that the teachings of the NCFA do have a temporary effect.

OMG! What have I done?

The perverse marketing of positive family separation has infiltrated not only adoption professionals, but the media and general public alike. With “goodmother” and promises of continued contact via open adoption, the numbers of infants “voluntarily” relinquished has stood firm somewhere under 15,000 a year despite legal abortion, advances in birth control, acceptance of single parenting, etc. By glorifying and “honoring” the good mothers, something might have back fired on the NCFA. Previously, mothers who surrendered were expected to slink back with their secrets into normal life, but now, they are taught to be proud and wear their birth mother status as a red badge of courage. As mothers talk to other mothers and share the experiences, they realize that they are not alone in their natural feelings of grief and loss. As younger mothers talk to older mothers they see their own future ahead where time will not heal this wound. The true information that contradicts the NCFA message is easier to come by.

For what ever the reason, mothers are finding out sooner, rather than later, that living through adoption is not all it was portrayed to be. No longer does it take forty years until an adult adoptee reunites, or even eighteen until they are of age for the message to come home. Not even a few years into a continuously painful open adoption, or the birth of the second, parented child, that allows a mother to see what she has lost is needed. For those who bother to notice, the cries of pain and despair are happening very soon after surrender. One mother who runs a support board just recently agreed: “I have noticed a change in the air lately. You are totally right. I’ve had so many Moms come here as soon as they place regretting their decision. I wish we could get to more before they sign the papers,” and then, it is too late.

Perhaps, the NCFA’s systematic and over saturated teachings are being given to women who would not have, in earlier years, been as vulnerable to the “adoption option.” Perhaps the market is so desperate for infants and the high profits that an infant relinquishment brings to an adoption business those women are subjected to this “goodmother” scrutiny when previously they would not be even seen on an agencies radar. Perhaps the professionals have polished their skills to such perfection that mothers are truly not “choosing” but getting convinced, brainwashed even, into giving away their babies.

It actually has to be expected. The bottom line is that the National Council for Adoption wants mothers to be separated from their children. Their very existence was conceived to make family separation seem like a good idea and teach others in the field the same positive view. The NCFA does this to protect their members’ interests. Their members are adoption agencies. Adoption agencies make billions of dollars in profits from family separation. They need babies to continue business. Millions of dollars given and spent to convince the public and mothers that giving your baby away is a good thing. And for what reason?

Follow the money. Babies are the products to be sold and then be grateful. Mothers are a market to be exploited in the guise of redemption for a false sin of sex and fertility. Hopeful adoptive parents are the clients willing to shell out thousands to make their dreams come true. Agencies are the brokers, trading products to the next highest bidders and the National Council for Adoption paints the public picture of the whole thing, blows smoke, and tells everyone how good it all feels.