AAA complaint
⬤
public
Our names are Mike and Patty Radwick and we have recently experienced
what we can only describe as an adoption nightmare. Please forgive
the length of this story, but we feel it relevant and important for
you to know the details of our experience.
While we were living in New Jersey, we adopted our only child,
Alexander, from Rostov Region, Russia, in January 2000. The Russian
facilitator our agency used was Serguei Dymtchenko, a former resident
of Rostov who currently resides in Toms River, NJ. When we decided to
bring a little brother home for our son, it seemed only natural (to
us) to adopt from the same country and region -- this would give our
sons a common bond. We also knew we would use the same agency since
things had gone relatively well the first time.
Our plans to use our original agency for our second adoption changed
when we went to a Russian Easter party hosted by Mr. Dymtchenko in the
spring of 2001 in Jackson, NJ. At that gathering we learned Serguei
had severed his ties with our original agency. We were told by his
new agency partner, Marlene Seamans-Conn, that because of changes in
Russian adoption laws, Mr. Dymtchenko had to form an affiliation with
only one agency rather than working with several agencies as he had
done in the past. Marlene told us that she and Serguei were forming a
new agency, American Adoptions Abroad (AAA), and if we wanted to use
the services of Mr. Dymtchenko, we would have to switch to their new
agency. We asked about the agency's accreditation status and Marlene
informed us that their agency would be fully accredited with the
Russian government. (In order for foreign adoption agencies to
operate in Russia, they need to have the accreditation of the Russian
government.) The accreditation issue also was a major factor in our
decision to use AAA. We found it interesting that the Rostov Region
Minister of Education was present at this gathering at the invitation
of Mr. Dymtchenko. (In Russia, the Ministry of Education is the
government agency that oversees adoption and child welfare issues.)
We were saddened that we would not be able to use our original agency
-- we had grown to have a genuine respect and liking for the ladies
that ran that agency. But, since Mr. Dymtchenko had been the person
behind the operation in Rostov that found our first child, we would
switch agencies in order to use his services again. So it was that a
few weeks later Marlene Seamans-Conn called and we began talking about
our next adoption. I felt some pressure from the start from Marlene
to begin the adoption process for our second child. I know that
adoption agencies are a business, but I had felt no such pressure from
our old agency. We already had Alex and although we wanted another
child, the urgency wasn't there for us as with our first adoption.
Our talks of adoption were halted altogether when Mike took a job
transfer and we moved from New Jersey to a small town in northeast
Texas in late May 2001.
After a few months of getting settled into our new home, we
reestablished contact with Marlene. We were concerned that, during
the frantic months leading up to and following our move, we had not
had our final adoption post-placement report filed for Alexander, and
we didn't want that to be a negative factor in our next adoption. We
weren't able to locate a social worker to do our post placement visit
in our little town, so Marlene said she could do it for us over the
phone. On Jan 17, 2002, Marlene performed an adoption post-placement
report for us for $100 over the telephone. According to their
letterhead, American Adoptions Abroad is licensed and located in
Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania, but Marlene seems to do most of her work
out of her home, which is located in Sewell, New Jersey. In her
agency literature, Marlene states that, in 1999, AAA was responsible
for processing over 50 Russian adoptions. In a letter she sent us
dated Sept 24, 2001, Marlene states that AAA has been working in
Russia for the past five years. As far as we know, the agency did not
even exist until sometime in early to mid-2001. Furthermore, we know
for a fact that Marlene was working for a different adoption agency in
New Jersey in 1999 and 2000, because two families we met in Rostov
during our first adoption experience were using the agency she
formerly worked for.
In early February 2002, Marlene phoned us with the news that Serguei
thought he had a little boy that would be a perfect addition to our
family. She wanted to know how far along we were with assembling our
dossier. We were given the feeling that if our dossier wasn't
finished soon, the little boy might have to be given out to another
family. We were, in fact, almost finished with our dossier, and on
Feb 11, Marlene e-mailed us four pictures of a sweet-looking little
boy. There was no other information about the boy except for his last
name and his date of birth. Marlene didn't know when the pictures
were taken or how old the child was when the pictures were taken.
Four days later, Marlene e-mailed us the little boy's first name --
Ruslan. She also said that Serguei would try to get medical
information when he was in Rostov (as he had a long trip planned for
Feb/March), but that Serguei had told her "this little guy is happy
and healthy."
Over the next two months we continued to ask for more information
about Ruslan. We asked about his medical condition, what orphanage he
was in, when the pictures were taken, etc. Because of new adoption
rules in Russia, we were made to feel lucky that we even had pictures
at all. The way the recent changes in Russian foreign adoption law
are observed in Rostov, according to our agency, families are required
to travel to Rostov to meet a child before any pictures or medical
information is released. Serguei was in Rostov for over a month.
During all that time, Marlene said that Serguei was not able to obtain
any additional "official" medical information on our little boy, even
though we were told that someone from Serguei's organization in Rostov
had actually taken Ruslan's pictures. Marlene continued to reassure
us, however, that Ruslan was a healthy child. She told us that, while
in Rostov, Serguei did learn that Ruslan was "growing well, and
developing very nicely." Marlene again told us that Ruslan was "a big
strong boy who is happy and healthy." Marlene also reminded us that
it was important for us to remember that we could not disclose to any
of the officials in Rostov that we had already seen Ruslan's photos or
that we knew any information about him.
On April 22, 2002, I left for Rostov with the intention of accepting
Ruslan for adoption. Mike and Alex stayed at home. We were told that
I would meet with the Minister of Education on April 24, but no such
meeting took place. Instead, one of the in-country coordinators came
to the host home at just before 8:00 a.m. and told everyone to meet at
the dining room table at 8:00 and he would help us fill out our
paperwork. Afterward, he would go to the Minister's office for us and
get our referrals. Two other families and I filled out our one-page
forms at the dining room table with the help of the coordinator. We
were told that no matter what adoption agency we were using, put
"FTIA" where the form asked for the name of your agency. When I
started to say that our agency was American Adoptions Abroad, he
stopped me before I could finish, and he repeated what he had just
said. I did as I was told since just a few weeks before my trip we
had received a letter and forms from Marlene stating that FTIA and AAA
had formed a cooperative relationship in order for AAA to operate as
an accredited agency in Russia. Serguei Dymtchenko is also the same
Rostov facilitator used by Families Thru International Adoption
(FTIA), located in Evansville, IN. Before receiving notification of
this cooperative relationship from our agency, we had never even heard
of FTIA. It was now clear that American Adoptions Abroad did not have
their own accreditation from the Russian government; they were using
FTIA's accreditation.
The interpreter was back to the house by 9:30 and before the day was
over all the families were taken to the orphanages where their
respective children lived. Ruslan was in a remote and primitive
orphanage in the city of Novocherkassk, a little over an hour's drive
outside of Rostov. There was no way that I could have prepared myself
for what I went through that day. I spoke with the orphanage director
(who was also the head doctor) for a short time and then they brought
in Ruslan. I can't put into words the pain and sorrow I felt at that
moment -- he was so visibly ill and delayed! Our baby Ruslan was
nothing like what we had been led to believe. He could barely crawl,
could hardly sit up by himself, weighed only 16 ½ pounds, was 26
inches long, and had a head circumference of 17 inches -- all
measurements for an average American six-month-old. Ruslan was over
20 months old at this time! The orphanage doctor/director told me
that Ruslan was physically and psychosocially at the developmental
level of a 7 to 9 month old child. The doctor also told me that he
was the 17th pregnancy experienced by his birth mother, 15 of which
were abortions. She had another live birth, but they had no
information on that child except it was not with the mother. Ruslan
was born at 30 weeks and did not breathe right away. The director
said that Ruslan was not expected to live through that first day, nor
for his first eight days. He was placed in a special hospital for
premature and sick children at nine days old. The orphanage director
also said that Ruslan had been referred for adoption at least two
other times and both times he was turned down because of medical
reasons from the prospective parents' doctors.
Because we trusted the professional opinion of our agency, we did not
intend to consult with a doctor while I was in Rostov. All that
changed after my meeting with Ruslan. The interpreter from our
adoption team actually asked me if I would sign the papers to accept
Ruslan right there in the director's office while I was holding
Ruslan! I declined because I said I needed to talk to my husband
first. After returning to the host home, I had Mike contact a
professor of pediatrics who directs an international adoption center
at a major children's hospital and reviews Russian adoption referrals.
I was given the doctor's card by one of the other families in the
Rostov host home. After reviewing digital pictures taken at my
meeting with Ruslan and the medical information given to me that day,
the first thing the doctor asked me when I spoke to her on the phone
from Rostov was if we had asked for a special needs child because
Ruslan was definitely special needs. The doctor also told me that
Ruslan was probably the worst case ever presented to her as a
supposedly healthy referral, and she has reviewed hundreds of Russian
orphanage referrals. Her evaluation convinced us that Ruslan was not
the child for our family. It was a heart-wrenching decision, and one
that we have still not fully come to terms with. We had no reason to
think that we would be turning him down. We developed a bond with him
through the pictures our agency sent us, which we had placed all
throughout our home. We showed his picture to our neighbors. We
e-mailed his picture to our family and friends. Our son Alex had
imaginary conversations on the telephone with his brother in Russia.
Ruslan had become part of our family. The only way to describe the
way we feel is like there has been a death in the family.
On the morning of April 26, I was taken to the Minister of Education's
office to receive another referral. However, I again did not meet
with any Russian officials. Instead, I waited outside the building
while the lead in-country coordinator rushed inside to plead for
another referral. It was a frenzy of activity and I was rushed off to
a different orphanage, this one within the city of Rostov itself. The
referral I received was an eight-month-old boy named Andre, who was
born on August 19, 2001, and was much younger than the 18 to 24 month
old range we asked for. Baby Andre appeared to be in worse condition
than Ruslan! He could not sit up by himself, made no baby sounds
while I held and cuddled with him, other than giving a sign of
discomfort when I held him up in the air. He had something severely
wrong with his neck, as he couldn't seem to turn his head at all! It
appeared to me that he suffered from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and had
some sort of severe neurological condition. The orphanage doctor told
me that his birth mother had syphilis. There were other concerns as
well, but needless to say, this child also had special needs, and we
were forced to turn him down as well. However, we again contacted the
specialist who reviewed Ruslan's case just to be certain we were not
jumping to conclusions. Unfortunately, the doctor confirmed my
suspicions and told us that Andre was at a very high risk for special
needs. Since there was no prior emotional attachment, the rejection
wasn't as difficult. By this point, however, I was feeling extremely
numb. We couldn't understand why we were being referred children with
such severe special needs when our agency and coordinators knew that
we were looking for a relatively healthy child. We knew we would be
faced with issues when adopting an older child who had spent so many
months in an orphanage. But we also knew, and our agency knew, that
we were not prepared to deal with a child who had the obvious special
needs of the two children we were forced to reject.
Because of a series of Russian holidays that were to begin on May 1, I
was told by one of the in-country coordinators that there could be no
further referrals and I should return home. I flew to Moscow on April
27 and returned home on April 28. Our agency claims that they have no
idea how or why any of this happened. We asked our agency for some
financial consideration for the expenses involved in making another
trip to Rostov to receive another referral. They've told us that they
do not feel responsible for any such costs. Our agency had originally
told us that there were many healthy boys in the age range we were
seeking who were waiting to be adopted. They led us to believe that,
in the event we turned down a referral, we would continue to visit
with children until we found a suitable referral. Having to leave
Russia without a placement was something we never thought would
happen, and something our agency tells us has never happened to them
before. At this point, however, we have very little confidence in
their ability to locate a reasonably healthy child for us, and we can
hardly afford the expense of making another referral trip.
After I returned home, we were still so depressed about having to
reject Ruslan that we sought a second opinion about his condition. We
sent videotape that I took during my two visits with Ruslan to
another, even better known, international adoption clinic at a major
university children's hospital. Their assessment was more
disheartening than the first -- FAS, mental retardation, and possibly
autism. The doctor confirmed the first specialist's opinion that
Ruslan would probably never be able to live independently as an adult.
Even after all this, Mr. Dymtchenko, AAA's International Program
Director and Russian Facilitator, is not convinced that the two
children we saw were special needs! Serguei told us that American
doctors have their own point of view, and the orphanage doctors have
their point of view. Evidently, according to him, a special need is
all in the eye of the beholder. What really disturbs us, though, is
that he is coordinating numerous referrals for American Adoptions
Abroad and FTIA. Their relative definition of what constitutes a
healthy child means nothing more than an empty promise, as we found
out.
While still in Rostov, on the afternoon of April 26, Marlene told me
that we would hopefully be able to return to Rostov for another
referral the week of May 20. In a later conversation, after I
returned home, the time frame changed to sometime towards the end of
May or early June. After speaking to Serguei on May 10, he told us
that, because we have rejected two referrals, we will probably not be
able to return to Rostov for 3 to 4 months because the government
officials are more than likely very upset with us. It will take some
time, according to him, for the officials to be willing to give us
another referral because we've already rejected two supposedly
"healthy" children!
There have been many red flags along the way of both of our adoption
experiences, a few big ones but most of them small, and most of which
we just overlooked because we figured it was just the way Russian
adoptions work. One thing we were wary of during our first adoption
experience, however, was the fact we were required to stay in a host
house at a rate of $195 per night, but were told that there were no
hotels in Rostov in which we could stay. We later found out that
there were, in fact, hotels in which we could stay in Rostov. On this
most recent trip, I was required to stay in the same host home for
$220 per night. If AAA had allowed me to, I discovered that a single
room at the Rostov Hotel cost only $39 per night. We were also told
that we had to use a particular travel agency, All Ways Travel, out of
New York City, with whom Mr. Dymtchenko seems to have a long-standing
special relationship. We, as well as other adoptive families we met
in Rostov, also questioned the number of days we were required to stay
in the host home. We were given a list of reasons for the length of
our stay that didn't seem to make any sense to us, but we didn't force
the issue -- it seemed rather petty since they were giving us what we
could not give ourselves.
Again, please forgive the length of our story. We've tried to state
just the facts as they actually happened. We know that we're not the
first family to feel wronged by an adoption agency or the first family
to feel the guilt of having to reject referrals. The bottom line,
however, is that we've spent almost $16,000 on our adoption so far and
still don't have a placement. Please understand that we're not trying
to diminish the happy and successful adoption experiences of all the
families who have used these agencies or this facilitator in the past.
We are very much bothered, though, by their claims of having such
little control over the way children are referred. If things turn out
great and everyone is happy, they are more than willing to take
credit. On the other hand, if things turn out badly, they are just
too quick to step back and say "not our fault." We hope that through
our story we can prevent other families from experiencing what we have
recently gone through.
what we can only describe as an adoption nightmare. Please forgive
the length of this story, but we feel it relevant and important for
you to know the details of our experience.
While we were living in New Jersey, we adopted our only child,
Alexander, from Rostov Region, Russia, in January 2000. The Russian
facilitator our agency used was Serguei Dymtchenko, a former resident
of Rostov who currently resides in Toms River, NJ. When we decided to
bring a little brother home for our son, it seemed only natural (to
us) to adopt from the same country and region -- this would give our
sons a common bond. We also knew we would use the same agency since
things had gone relatively well the first time.
Our plans to use our original agency for our second adoption changed
when we went to a Russian Easter party hosted by Mr. Dymtchenko in the
spring of 2001 in Jackson, NJ. At that gathering we learned Serguei
had severed his ties with our original agency. We were told by his
new agency partner, Marlene Seamans-Conn, that because of changes in
Russian adoption laws, Mr. Dymtchenko had to form an affiliation with
only one agency rather than working with several agencies as he had
done in the past. Marlene told us that she and Serguei were forming a
new agency, American Adoptions Abroad (AAA), and if we wanted to use
the services of Mr. Dymtchenko, we would have to switch to their new
agency. We asked about the agency's accreditation status and Marlene
informed us that their agency would be fully accredited with the
Russian government. (In order for foreign adoption agencies to
operate in Russia, they need to have the accreditation of the Russian
government.) The accreditation issue also was a major factor in our
decision to use AAA. We found it interesting that the Rostov Region
Minister of Education was present at this gathering at the invitation
of Mr. Dymtchenko. (In Russia, the Ministry of Education is the
government agency that oversees adoption and child welfare issues.)
We were saddened that we would not be able to use our original agency
-- we had grown to have a genuine respect and liking for the ladies
that ran that agency. But, since Mr. Dymtchenko had been the person
behind the operation in Rostov that found our first child, we would
switch agencies in order to use his services again. So it was that a
few weeks later Marlene Seamans-Conn called and we began talking about
our next adoption. I felt some pressure from the start from Marlene
to begin the adoption process for our second child. I know that
adoption agencies are a business, but I had felt no such pressure from
our old agency. We already had Alex and although we wanted another
child, the urgency wasn't there for us as with our first adoption.
Our talks of adoption were halted altogether when Mike took a job
transfer and we moved from New Jersey to a small town in northeast
Texas in late May 2001.
After a few months of getting settled into our new home, we
reestablished contact with Marlene. We were concerned that, during
the frantic months leading up to and following our move, we had not
had our final adoption post-placement report filed for Alexander, and
we didn't want that to be a negative factor in our next adoption. We
weren't able to locate a social worker to do our post placement visit
in our little town, so Marlene said she could do it for us over the
phone. On Jan 17, 2002, Marlene performed an adoption post-placement
report for us for $100 over the telephone. According to their
letterhead, American Adoptions Abroad is licensed and located in
Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania, but Marlene seems to do most of her work
out of her home, which is located in Sewell, New Jersey. In her
agency literature, Marlene states that, in 1999, AAA was responsible
for processing over 50 Russian adoptions. In a letter she sent us
dated Sept 24, 2001, Marlene states that AAA has been working in
Russia for the past five years. As far as we know, the agency did not
even exist until sometime in early to mid-2001. Furthermore, we know
for a fact that Marlene was working for a different adoption agency in
New Jersey in 1999 and 2000, because two families we met in Rostov
during our first adoption experience were using the agency she
formerly worked for.
In early February 2002, Marlene phoned us with the news that Serguei
thought he had a little boy that would be a perfect addition to our
family. She wanted to know how far along we were with assembling our
dossier. We were given the feeling that if our dossier wasn't
finished soon, the little boy might have to be given out to another
family. We were, in fact, almost finished with our dossier, and on
Feb 11, Marlene e-mailed us four pictures of a sweet-looking little
boy. There was no other information about the boy except for his last
name and his date of birth. Marlene didn't know when the pictures
were taken or how old the child was when the pictures were taken.
Four days later, Marlene e-mailed us the little boy's first name --
Ruslan. She also said that Serguei would try to get medical
information when he was in Rostov (as he had a long trip planned for
Feb/March), but that Serguei had told her "this little guy is happy
and healthy."
Over the next two months we continued to ask for more information
about Ruslan. We asked about his medical condition, what orphanage he
was in, when the pictures were taken, etc. Because of new adoption
rules in Russia, we were made to feel lucky that we even had pictures
at all. The way the recent changes in Russian foreign adoption law
are observed in Rostov, according to our agency, families are required
to travel to Rostov to meet a child before any pictures or medical
information is released. Serguei was in Rostov for over a month.
During all that time, Marlene said that Serguei was not able to obtain
any additional "official" medical information on our little boy, even
though we were told that someone from Serguei's organization in Rostov
had actually taken Ruslan's pictures. Marlene continued to reassure
us, however, that Ruslan was a healthy child. She told us that, while
in Rostov, Serguei did learn that Ruslan was "growing well, and
developing very nicely." Marlene again told us that Ruslan was "a big
strong boy who is happy and healthy." Marlene also reminded us that
it was important for us to remember that we could not disclose to any
of the officials in Rostov that we had already seen Ruslan's photos or
that we knew any information about him.
On April 22, 2002, I left for Rostov with the intention of accepting
Ruslan for adoption. Mike and Alex stayed at home. We were told that
I would meet with the Minister of Education on April 24, but no such
meeting took place. Instead, one of the in-country coordinators came
to the host home at just before 8:00 a.m. and told everyone to meet at
the dining room table at 8:00 and he would help us fill out our
paperwork. Afterward, he would go to the Minister's office for us and
get our referrals. Two other families and I filled out our one-page
forms at the dining room table with the help of the coordinator. We
were told that no matter what adoption agency we were using, put
"FTIA" where the form asked for the name of your agency. When I
started to say that our agency was American Adoptions Abroad, he
stopped me before I could finish, and he repeated what he had just
said. I did as I was told since just a few weeks before my trip we
had received a letter and forms from Marlene stating that FTIA and AAA
had formed a cooperative relationship in order for AAA to operate as
an accredited agency in Russia. Serguei Dymtchenko is also the same
Rostov facilitator used by Families Thru International Adoption
(FTIA), located in Evansville, IN. Before receiving notification of
this cooperative relationship from our agency, we had never even heard
of FTIA. It was now clear that American Adoptions Abroad did not have
their own accreditation from the Russian government; they were using
FTIA's accreditation.
The interpreter was back to the house by 9:30 and before the day was
over all the families were taken to the orphanages where their
respective children lived. Ruslan was in a remote and primitive
orphanage in the city of Novocherkassk, a little over an hour's drive
outside of Rostov. There was no way that I could have prepared myself
for what I went through that day. I spoke with the orphanage director
(who was also the head doctor) for a short time and then they brought
in Ruslan. I can't put into words the pain and sorrow I felt at that
moment -- he was so visibly ill and delayed! Our baby Ruslan was
nothing like what we had been led to believe. He could barely crawl,
could hardly sit up by himself, weighed only 16 ½ pounds, was 26
inches long, and had a head circumference of 17 inches -- all
measurements for an average American six-month-old. Ruslan was over
20 months old at this time! The orphanage doctor/director told me
that Ruslan was physically and psychosocially at the developmental
level of a 7 to 9 month old child. The doctor also told me that he
was the 17th pregnancy experienced by his birth mother, 15 of which
were abortions. She had another live birth, but they had no
information on that child except it was not with the mother. Ruslan
was born at 30 weeks and did not breathe right away. The director
said that Ruslan was not expected to live through that first day, nor
for his first eight days. He was placed in a special hospital for
premature and sick children at nine days old. The orphanage director
also said that Ruslan had been referred for adoption at least two
other times and both times he was turned down because of medical
reasons from the prospective parents' doctors.
Because we trusted the professional opinion of our agency, we did not
intend to consult with a doctor while I was in Rostov. All that
changed after my meeting with Ruslan. The interpreter from our
adoption team actually asked me if I would sign the papers to accept
Ruslan right there in the director's office while I was holding
Ruslan! I declined because I said I needed to talk to my husband
first. After returning to the host home, I had Mike contact a
professor of pediatrics who directs an international adoption center
at a major children's hospital and reviews Russian adoption referrals.
I was given the doctor's card by one of the other families in the
Rostov host home. After reviewing digital pictures taken at my
meeting with Ruslan and the medical information given to me that day,
the first thing the doctor asked me when I spoke to her on the phone
from Rostov was if we had asked for a special needs child because
Ruslan was definitely special needs. The doctor also told me that
Ruslan was probably the worst case ever presented to her as a
supposedly healthy referral, and she has reviewed hundreds of Russian
orphanage referrals. Her evaluation convinced us that Ruslan was not
the child for our family. It was a heart-wrenching decision, and one
that we have still not fully come to terms with. We had no reason to
think that we would be turning him down. We developed a bond with him
through the pictures our agency sent us, which we had placed all
throughout our home. We showed his picture to our neighbors. We
e-mailed his picture to our family and friends. Our son Alex had
imaginary conversations on the telephone with his brother in Russia.
Ruslan had become part of our family. The only way to describe the
way we feel is like there has been a death in the family.
On the morning of April 26, I was taken to the Minister of Education's
office to receive another referral. However, I again did not meet
with any Russian officials. Instead, I waited outside the building
while the lead in-country coordinator rushed inside to plead for
another referral. It was a frenzy of activity and I was rushed off to
a different orphanage, this one within the city of Rostov itself. The
referral I received was an eight-month-old boy named Andre, who was
born on August 19, 2001, and was much younger than the 18 to 24 month
old range we asked for. Baby Andre appeared to be in worse condition
than Ruslan! He could not sit up by himself, made no baby sounds
while I held and cuddled with him, other than giving a sign of
discomfort when I held him up in the air. He had something severely
wrong with his neck, as he couldn't seem to turn his head at all! It
appeared to me that he suffered from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and had
some sort of severe neurological condition. The orphanage doctor told
me that his birth mother had syphilis. There were other concerns as
well, but needless to say, this child also had special needs, and we
were forced to turn him down as well. However, we again contacted the
specialist who reviewed Ruslan's case just to be certain we were not
jumping to conclusions. Unfortunately, the doctor confirmed my
suspicions and told us that Andre was at a very high risk for special
needs. Since there was no prior emotional attachment, the rejection
wasn't as difficult. By this point, however, I was feeling extremely
numb. We couldn't understand why we were being referred children with
such severe special needs when our agency and coordinators knew that
we were looking for a relatively healthy child. We knew we would be
faced with issues when adopting an older child who had spent so many
months in an orphanage. But we also knew, and our agency knew, that
we were not prepared to deal with a child who had the obvious special
needs of the two children we were forced to reject.
Because of a series of Russian holidays that were to begin on May 1, I
was told by one of the in-country coordinators that there could be no
further referrals and I should return home. I flew to Moscow on April
27 and returned home on April 28. Our agency claims that they have no
idea how or why any of this happened. We asked our agency for some
financial consideration for the expenses involved in making another
trip to Rostov to receive another referral. They've told us that they
do not feel responsible for any such costs. Our agency had originally
told us that there were many healthy boys in the age range we were
seeking who were waiting to be adopted. They led us to believe that,
in the event we turned down a referral, we would continue to visit
with children until we found a suitable referral. Having to leave
Russia without a placement was something we never thought would
happen, and something our agency tells us has never happened to them
before. At this point, however, we have very little confidence in
their ability to locate a reasonably healthy child for us, and we can
hardly afford the expense of making another referral trip.
After I returned home, we were still so depressed about having to
reject Ruslan that we sought a second opinion about his condition. We
sent videotape that I took during my two visits with Ruslan to
another, even better known, international adoption clinic at a major
university children's hospital. Their assessment was more
disheartening than the first -- FAS, mental retardation, and possibly
autism. The doctor confirmed the first specialist's opinion that
Ruslan would probably never be able to live independently as an adult.
Even after all this, Mr. Dymtchenko, AAA's International Program
Director and Russian Facilitator, is not convinced that the two
children we saw were special needs! Serguei told us that American
doctors have their own point of view, and the orphanage doctors have
their point of view. Evidently, according to him, a special need is
all in the eye of the beholder. What really disturbs us, though, is
that he is coordinating numerous referrals for American Adoptions
Abroad and FTIA. Their relative definition of what constitutes a
healthy child means nothing more than an empty promise, as we found
out.
While still in Rostov, on the afternoon of April 26, Marlene told me
that we would hopefully be able to return to Rostov for another
referral the week of May 20. In a later conversation, after I
returned home, the time frame changed to sometime towards the end of
May or early June. After speaking to Serguei on May 10, he told us
that, because we have rejected two referrals, we will probably not be
able to return to Rostov for 3 to 4 months because the government
officials are more than likely very upset with us. It will take some
time, according to him, for the officials to be willing to give us
another referral because we've already rejected two supposedly
"healthy" children!
There have been many red flags along the way of both of our adoption
experiences, a few big ones but most of them small, and most of which
we just overlooked because we figured it was just the way Russian
adoptions work. One thing we were wary of during our first adoption
experience, however, was the fact we were required to stay in a host
house at a rate of $195 per night, but were told that there were no
hotels in Rostov in which we could stay. We later found out that
there were, in fact, hotels in which we could stay in Rostov. On this
most recent trip, I was required to stay in the same host home for
$220 per night. If AAA had allowed me to, I discovered that a single
room at the Rostov Hotel cost only $39 per night. We were also told
that we had to use a particular travel agency, All Ways Travel, out of
New York City, with whom Mr. Dymtchenko seems to have a long-standing
special relationship. We, as well as other adoptive families we met
in Rostov, also questioned the number of days we were required to stay
in the host home. We were given a list of reasons for the length of
our stay that didn't seem to make any sense to us, but we didn't force
the issue -- it seemed rather petty since they were giving us what we
could not give ourselves.
Again, please forgive the length of our story. We've tried to state
just the facts as they actually happened. We know that we're not the
first family to feel wronged by an adoption agency or the first family
to feel the guilt of having to reject referrals. The bottom line,
however, is that we've spent almost $16,000 on our adoption so far and
still don't have a placement. Please understand that we're not trying
to diminish the happy and successful adoption experiences of all the
families who have used these agencies or this facilitator in the past.
We are very much bothered, though, by their claims of having such
little control over the way children are referred. If things turn out
great and everyone is happy, they are more than willing to take
credit. On the other hand, if things turn out badly, they are just
too quick to step back and say "not our fault." We hope that through
our story we can prevent other families from experiencing what we have
recently gone through.
2004 Jun 18