Brangelina & Tomcat Shock World, Adopt U.S. Babies
[The following is an article written to spoof celebrities and their adoption interests...]
Story written: 21 September 2008 by P.M. Wortham
Falling out of the entertainment headlines for an entire week, two of Hollywood's most famous couples were quick to make announcements on the same day, regarding plans for the adoption of orphans from within the U.S. borders.
Meeting with reporters first, Tom Cruise issued a formal statement about plans to increase the size of his family, and then opened up the press conference for questions. When asked about the sudden turn about on location for their search, Tom replied, "Who knew there were underprivileged orphans right here in America, I mean I was shocked. I should definitely read the papers more often."
Brad and Angelina followed with a press conference of their own, adding, "We were horrified to see the living conditions and lack of opportunity these kids have and we wanted to help. We were pleased to find that there was such a huge selection too, all sorts of colors and nationalities available. Did you know we can get an African American baby from Montana and an Asian kid from Texas? I mean like, wow!"
The Christian Children's Fund and other faith based organizations who spend millions soliciting contributions for South American and African children, followed with their own statements. "We had no idea that we had such squalor, homelessness and orphan children here on our own streets, but we're ready to turn attention back to our own country, if the money is right."
In a response statement, the U.S. State Department who regulates international adoption standards said, "These people are idiots. Hopefully focusing on our own country's problems becomes fashionable for a while."