and if it weren't enough

In two days it will be New Year's Eve, having barely recuperated from Christmas. For me New Year's Eve is the worst day of the year. It dwarfs Christmas in comparison. Every year all missed opportunities, failed achievements and utter stupidities of the past year come bombarding me. It's a day of sadness and decay while its outlook is the bleak month of January; the cold, barren winter time stretching out for at least another two and a half month.

This year i am going to ignore the event, preparing for it only makes me sadder. So I won't light fireworks, I won't go into town and feel lonely among partying people. I hate parties anyway.

I know the day after it will all feel different. The final hurdle of the year taken, January will all of a sudden look much better and much more real. If I can keep that in mind next two days I will be fine, if not I will have a bad day, which by itself is much less of a threat than it may sound.