exposing the dark side of adoption
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"These are a few of my favorite things..."


Here's a confession.  My ALL-Time favorite movie to watch is, yes... "The Sound of Music".  I loved how music made a sterile house a fun place to live.

I was 23 when I got married.  I married a man 14 years older than me.  I married because I could no longer stand living at "home".

Our wedding was the wedding my Amother never had, and our honeymoon was not at all how/where I dreamed a honeymoon to be.  We were to spend 10 days in Ireland, not on some tropical beach, as I always pictured my honeymoon to be.  Both DH and my amother are Irish.  Little did DH know, I had grown to loathe the Catholic dogma shoved down my throat ad nauseum.  Looking back, I should have said something... but as usual, I kept quiet.

In any case, Ireland was where we went for our honeymoon.  It took about 5-7 days for me to stop crying.  I was just so miserable.  Not home-sick, just down right miserable.  I think it was the horse riding that saved me.  That and the Smithwicks beer and the gorgeous hotel we stayed at, The Cashel House.  There was much boasting about De gaulle staying there once... I even sat in the chair they have in the garden-path hidden among the trees.  It was a neat chair... it was made out of tree branches, if i'm not mistaken.  I remember it being a really nicely built chair. The Garden looked more like a walking-path to me... so I wasn't terribly impressed with the "huge garden" as much as I was with the food, the pub and the peat-moss fireplaces.  God I loved that smell.  Walking into this elegant home, smelling food and fire... must be nice to always live like that.

During our stay in Connemara, we spent 3 nights at The Ballynahinch Castle.  The castle didn't look like much from the road.  I was expecting something much Bigger and Grand-Scale-like.  Instead, it looked like a large house.  With a large front yard... perfect for Julie Andrews to do Her Thing.  So after a few days of pulling myself together at a warm home where i was able to ride a horse and eat a dinner where seconds and thirds would be readily served, without question or judgements, I had accepted my fate, as a Married 'woman'... and demonstrated my release with a sweeping gesture of "the hills are alive, with the sound of music...<la la la-laaaa>.  Yes, i literally spun around that front yard and sang at the top of my lungs, thinking I was Julie Andrews.  It was a Great Moment, and a good memory.

Inside the castle, it was neat... but not really fun and warm like the Cashel House.  I wasn't diggin' the new digs yet.  The room was much smaller... but the bed was HUGE!  It was the first time I had seen a King-sized mattress, and immediately knew:  I gotta get one of these!  I liked how each night we got chocolates put on our pillows.  How sweet it was to see someone remembered me each night and reminded me "oooh! I love chocolate!".. especially after a night of heavy drinking.  [btw... try tasting beer with chocolate... it's really funny.]

DH and I had a strange honeymoon.  I think we had sex twice, if that.  We have always had what I termed "An Old Married Couple's Relationship".  It works because we choose to make it work, whether we like it/or each other, or not.  We got married to have children.  We have served our mission well, four times over.

Anyway... back at the ranch... or castle-grounds I should say...  this hotel had it's own celebrity guest's haunting memory:  President Ford.  I didn't know he was adopted until I started reading all the links we started collecting for PPL.

Presidents and such don't impress me.  I suppose they should... but in the whole scheme of things, they are humans, just like me.   They eat, shit and cry... just like me.

What really sold me about the castle was the walking paths.  Now THIS place had it pulled together!  DH and I loved exploring all the little roads and walkways... it truly has to be experienced to appreciate the beauty of  a royal-setting. 

Once i can figure out how to download old photos onto this program, I'll post some pics of  that First Trip.

I mention this because it's taken me 14 years to realize, it was a mistake to get married to a man I could never be romantically involved with... but I was wise beyond my years for knowing a Good Man is what a child needs as a Dad.  DH may never love and lust me, like a husband should a wife... but I know he trusts me enough to never hurt my children or him, just because i had a miserable life.

I am in all aspects and outlooks, Nontraditional.

i always have been Different.

i like who i am

Because I am Different.

I was born for a Reason and a Purpose.  And that, my friends, makes me no different from anyone else in this world.

by Kerry on Thursday, 08 February 2007