exposing the dark side of adoption
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harlowmonkey's blog


by harlowmonkey on Thursday, 11 January 2007

Being married to a transracial adoptee is no picnic in the park. Just ask Mr. Harlow's Monkey.

We've been together for almost 20 years and in March, we'll have been legal for 18 years. And to say that I tested Mr. HM those first few years decades is quite an understatement. I have many friends who are adopted and one thing many of us have in common, whether placed in same-race, domestic, international or transracial adoptive homes, are issues with trust and attachment.

For some adopted persons, that can translate as being stand-offish, cold and commitment-phobic, with a tendency to leave people before they leave us.

For others, this might translate into clinginess, jealousy and neediness with a tendency towards suffocating the very people we love the most. This is what's referred to as insecure attachment.

Either way, it can be very difficult for the partner or loved one of an adopted person, especially if it seems that they've suddenly become obsessive about their adoption. And if you are partnered to a transracially, transculturally adopted person, this could be triple the whammy.