Taken from Chosen Children: Billion Dollar Babies in America's Foster Care, Adoption & Prison Systems (Electronic Edition by Lori Carangelo)
...adoptees are overrepresented in psychotherapy, psychiatric hospitals and prisons, regardless of the age at which they had been surrendered to strangers. In No One Goes Crazy Alone, Paul Wachtel explains that family therapists believe no man is an island, so human miseries must be understood in terms of how intertwined human destinies are. Our very definitions of "homelessness," "mental illness," and "child welfare" dictate and constrain the solutions we seek.
Normal people tell me I should be grateful having been given a second chance, but I don't feel gratitude, I feel anger most of the time; anger towards the people who just fucked without thinking of the consequences and anger towards the people who so desperately wanted a baby they bought one. I am so friggin' pissed off, I need to vent every now and then and normal people just don't get it. They're just there to bug me.
After Collingswood police arrested foster parents Vanessa and Raymond Jackson last year for allegedly starving their four adopted sons, police learned that no one -- not even child welfare workers who visited the home frequently to monitor other foster children -- ever demanded that the boys be brought to a doctor to explain their condition.
I can understand why people misinterpret my ambiguious personality as being simply "mixed-up", irrational and proof that I do not know WHAT I want in and out of Life.
I require - yes, demand - a rigid rule of "Say what you mean, and mean what you say" when relating to me. I am forever in search of the person who CAN do just that. Perhaps I will die a Lady in Waiting since the single most important need I have is related to my wanting to trust a person's Word. [Gee, there's a shock, eh?]
I just found out my natural mom died, just a few days ago. I never met her again after our separation, over forty years ago. For a long time I didn't want to meet her, until I started having second thoughts, only last year. Right now it is too late to ever meet her. My own indecision has decided for me. Today I'd like to dedicate my thoughts to the woman who gave birth to me and honour her with my gratitude of giving me life.
Fifty years ago my, six-teen year-old, birthmother was as big as a house and only days away from delivering her baby. I cannot know what was going through her mind, but I have seen enough pregnant women, new mothers, mothers whose babies have been removed from their care by the Department of Children and Family Services, mothers who have decided to have a therapeutic abortion because the child within them has developed with gross genetic anomalies, and women who have lost their babies to know that the maternal bond is profound and irrevocable.
Susan Mello Souza "Author of The Same Smile" (Acushnet, MA USA) Whether adoption is part of your life or not, you truly will not want to miss out on this newest adoption book, "Chasing Away the Shadows - An Adoptee's Journey to Motherhood," by Zara Phillips. Zara and I had corresponded for a couple of months before I had the privilege of meeting her at November's CUB retreat in Monterey, CA. In this writer's opinion, Zara is articulate, smart, and very well spoken, possessing all the qualities needed to be a successfull writer/speaker.
Grandmothers Council the World, by Carol Schaefer, author of The Other Mother: A Woman's Love for the Child She Gave Up for Adoption, introduces these extraordinary women, their views on relationships and women's wisdom, their ideas for healing the Earth as well as ourselves, their plans for ending war and poverty, for bettering life on our planet, and their revelations about the importance of prayer. Publication date is this Tuesday, November 14. *************************** Proof that a Grandmother is a better option to adoption!
Has anyone read this article found on MSN's Homepage? It's about a new gimic being sold to couples desperate to start a family. Now it seems to be a classy sales-drive getting couples to hide-away in a hotel room, letting nature take it's course.
You've got to be kidding!
This is the third rail of adoption. The wound denied and celebrated by adoptees. Created in infancy,a narcissistic phase, by the separation of first mother and child, this experience is the foundation of many adoptee problems.It manifests itself as shame, vulnerability, feelings of isolation, disconnectedness and makes trust difficult. Form Nancy Verriers Comming Home to The Self; "People with narcissistic injuries are concerned for the most part only about themselves. THis may be very deceptive because there is a perception that they are interested only in others.
The First Book of Moses is called Bereshith, " In The Begining."
Today we call it by its Greek name Genesis. It is a story taken from Hebrew folklore and in no way was it ever to be taken literally. The symbols must be understood in the culture of those who wrote it.I wont go over the whole story I just want to focus on the creation of man.
In this time of high taxes and intrusive government, it concerns us all, to look closely, at a program most people are not aware of. The State of New Jersey currently maintains a program that keeps a select group of mothers in hiding. Participation in this program is not a matter of choice or even desire on the part of the women whose secrecy it maintains. Many of these women have been abused by state and private agencies, made to feel unworthy, ashamed, and guilty. Their most cherished needs have been ignored trampled, and denied.
Something Kerry wrote in a blog reaction: "RAD is the result of inconsistent care given to ANY child within the first three years of life."
As far as I can understand the neurobiology, RAD finds it's origins in the incomplete development of certain hormone receptors in the brain of a child prior to the age of three. Once past that age, the damage is deemed irreversible, as the growing body 'moves on' to different tasks.
Contrary to many adoptees I've met, I know where I come from, I've always known where I come from. I am the product of a within-the-family-adoption. I was born September 9, 1965 in The Hague. So much for the verifiable facts, the rest is part truth, part legend, part fact.
My birth parents had been married for about 10 years and already had two children, a son 10 years older and a daughter 5 years older than me (fact). Their marriage hadn't been going well and being the sixties they started experimenting with the notion of free love (legend).
My oldest Heathen (she's 12 years young) thought The Following would be of interest to post, advocating the Rights and Wrongs done to Children, (doggie-style) These are not her words, nor are they words written by Me. I simply copying the text she emailed me the night before the Pound Pup Legacy began.
To: Mommy Sent: Sunday, October 29, 2006 7:57 PM Subject: americas unknown child (pretty sad) americas unknown child........ tear tear
I'm definitely the odd one out here. Or maybe not. Kerry managed to explain quite a lot to me about the how and why of what happened when I tried (and failed) to build a lasting relationship with a RAD woman. It was like the bewildering exploration of a different planet.
I have no memory of having A Mommy loving and protecting me, without it costing me in some way or another. Is there anyone Out There who can tell me what it was like to HAVE a Mommy, growing-up? I have often wondered in pained despair, just how different I would have become had I been taught HOW to love my own self, and not allow others to hurt me.
To me the most difficult question someone can ask me is: "What is it you want?". I always feel awkward and totally incapable of giving an answer. It is not just the pressure of the moment, it is more deeply ingrained. I hardly ever know in advance what I want. In order to not become completely indecisive, most choices are like playing eeny-meeny-miney-moe.
Every lost pup has it's own story and no two stories or endings are the same. Lost pups know about the unwritten foundation that is common among all the lost pups. Can everybody understand that foundation? Not likely, even for us lost pups, it's not truly understood. How can something so simple be known but not understood?
Why do we fall for someone so fast, yet we push them away? I know that emotionaly trust is a huge issue. But I am determined not to let it ruin my next relationship (if that chance ever comes again). Does everyone get overly jealous and extremely needy? I trust the one up above that he has a plan for me and I've heard that he does not give you more than you can handle, but why did he choose me?
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations." But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.