US Mother Returns Adopted Russian Boy like Pair of Shoes

Date: 2010-04-09

A seven-year-old boy arrived at Moscow’s Domodedovo Airport on April 8 in the morning. The skinny boy had no luggage with him – he was only holding a letter in his hands.

“I am Artyom,” he only said.

He did not have any adults with him. He was wandering over the airport alone until customs officers paid attention to the exhausted child. The boy could not explain anything properly. He only handed them a letter. Employees of the airport were shocked when the letter was translated from English into Russian. Torry Hansen, a US citizen, wrote in the letter that she adopted the child on September 29, 2009. The woman wrote that she did not like the boy, he did not fit her, and she decided to return him like a pair of shoes. The woman sent the child back to Russia.

Custody officers picked the boy from the airport and took him to a police station in the Moscow center.

“The boy had a Russian passport with the US visa and a birth certificate. He also had a boarding ticket. He arrived on board a plane of United Airlines. The boarding ticket said that the child was not accompanied by adults,” Pavel Astakhov, the Kremlin’s commissioner for children’s rights said.

One may only guess how the boy managed to pass through customs in the USA and board the plane without adults. However, as soon as the boy found himself at the police station, officials of the US embassy showed up very quickly.

Russia Today: American parents send adopted boy back to Russia by himself

“They wanted to take the child away, and we had to take quite an effort to leave him here. US officials were trying to assure us that he was a US citizen, but the boy had the Russian passport with a visa. They said that it would be much better for the boy to go to the US embassy,” Astakhov said.

The boy was later hospitalized with exhaustion. Afterwards, he will be accommodated in a Moscow orphanage.

The saddest thing in this story is the fact that the adoption agency, which was in charge of the questions of Artyom’s living in the US foster family, said two weeks before that the boy was doing just fine. Photographs of the happy family and the happy boy were attached to the report, officials of the Russian ministry for education and science said.

The boy could hardly speak after he arrived in Moscow. The people who worked with him in Moscow said that he had so much sorrow and sadness in his eyes. Artyom said that he had not been eating anything for several days. He only had several sweets.


oh I was just going to post this...

your thoughts????

well, at least he didn't get taken through a RAD cult therapy before being turned over to public foster care in the USA....

but very sad none the less... 

is it not a USA citizen though?  now that he was adopted by one... 

"well at least..."

well, at least he didn't get taken through a RAD cult therapy before being turned over to public foster care in the USA....

Rejection is rejection, forced removal is forced removal, ... makes no difference where you are sent.  When that rejection and forced removal comes from a parent... well, it changes you.  [See:  Self-injury

The child was put on a plane, and sent away... far, far away, with the hope he'd never return.  What sort of message does this send?!?!?

No more mommy; no more daddy.  No more anything, because you are not wanted.  [Is that type of parental abandonment a crime?  (Has a law been broken?)  According to the media, that issue is being investigated and questioned.]

Meanwhile, let's see this situation through the eyes of an unwanted adopted child.  How is a person expected to respond?  How is a person expected to cope?  How is a person expected to bond and attach to the next person who says, "I'll love you and take care of you"? 

Worst part is, this is not the first time an adopted child was rejected by adoptive parents.... it's simply one of the worst examples of AP rejection.... something no adoptee wants to endure.

I understand many AP's are NOT properly prepared for the child they receive.  I understand many are lied to about pre-existing conditions and I understand they feel as though they have been victimized, too.   While I can understand a good-intentioned AP may be suffering, too, my sympathy for the AP is limited.  An AP actively chooses to become a parent.  (There's no "mistake" or "oops" adoption, like there is pregnancy).  With that choice to parent a child with special needs, (and as far as I'm concerned, ALL adoptees are special needs), there comes an enormous responsibility, one that should not be taken lightly.  I strongly believe each PAP must take time and really think about what happens once they have signed on the dotted line.  Before signing those adoption papers, that parent-to-be must be certain he/she is prepared to stay, and remain faithful with love, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow.  For the sake of the child, this promise to love unconditionally needs to be made, so that child can see and feel the power of love.  If that PAP cannot educate him/herself about all the various risk-factors that come with adoption, and cannot commit "'till death do us part", that person should not agree to become a parent to a child who already lost two parents, the child who may or may not have RAD, or any other illness or disorder that  makes a child "less lovable".   After all, this adopted child is a human being, NOT a pair of shoes. 

This is where I have to ask the AP who rejects an adoptee..... what in the world were you thinking?  If you got pregnant, and were told the baby you'd be delivering was strong and healthy, but after birth you learned the child was not at all as "promised", would you get rid of that child because he/she was not as expected or planned?

As far as I'm concerned, a disrupted adoption is a living abortion.... the real tragedy being, an aborted fetus has it easy... an aborted fetus does not have to live with the residual pain and memories repeated (multiple) parental rejection brings, year after year.

"This is where I have to ask

"This is where I have to ask the AP who rejects an adoptee..... what in the world were you thinking? If you got pregnant, and were told the baby you'd be delivering was strong and healthy, but after birth you learned the child was not at all as "promised", would you get rid of that child because he/she was not as expected or planned?"

Children end up waiting to be adopted for a lot of reasons. Sometimes something kills the parents, sometimes one parent leaves and the other can't cope alone, sometimes after the child's birth the biological parents learn the child is not at all as "promised" ("promised" by other adults putting the burden of keeping that promise on the child!)...

Also, you know how some Deaf people prefer having Deaf babies to hearing ones? I wonder how many of *them* don't want to keep any babies of theirs who are born hearing and/or born *blind* (how much do cultures basing themselves on sign languages accept people who can't see their signs?)...

the response

My thoughts about this case are probably not much different from many others. Next to Russia, and the US, This case has been in the news in such diverse countries as: Argentine, Belgium, Brazil, Chile, Denmark, France, Germany, Hungary, Indonesia, Italy, Lithuania, Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Slovania, Sweden, Turkey, United Kingom and Vietnam. So it's fair to say this hit a nerve with people around the world.

A case like this demonstrates once again that prospective adopters are not properly screened or prepared before being able to adopt. In that light it's astonishing to hear Chuck Johnson, on behalf of NCFA, make a statement, in which he claims:

Due to the efforts of American and Russian governments, as well as the professionals in the adoption communities of both countries, the process of preparing prospective adoptive families pursuing international adoption and supporting those families after the adoption has improved significantly in the past decade. However, when something like this happens, it makes professionals re-examine further what they can do to prevent such actions.

It may be true that more agencies demand prospective adopter preparation, but that doesn't say this preparation is effective. It certainly helps making more certain people pass their home study. Teaching people "appropriate" responses to a social workers question is the easiest part, but how are people prepared for trust issues, fear of abandonment, resentment, rage and fury. How are the many Christian families out there prepared to take in older children that can not as easily be molded in the required religious shape.

As long as nothing is known about the efficacy of home studies or prospective adopter preparation, it's devoid of any meaning to state that significant improvements have been made in the past decade.

Another falsehood presented by Johnson, is his claim that professionals re-examine what they can do to prevent situations like the abandonment of Artem, or other forms of abuse of adopted children. The usual response is one of denial. Of course the gravity of the case is acknowledged, but at the same time it is brushed off as a rare incident.

Of course the words of a NCFA representative should be read as a spokesperson of the industry, whose only purpose is to stay in business. In that sense Chuck Johnson's response is not remarkable, but it does show they are not learning from previous mistakes.

In 2005, the Unites States adopted, 22696 children, internationally. By 2009 this number had dropped to 12753. If Russia decides to stop Intercountry adoption with the US, that number will drop with at least another 2000.

NCFA's existance, like its member agencies, depends on adoption. Ignoring the problems in their field will eventually put an end to their business. So in a way I am glad NCFA responds the way it does, it shows they are still on a self-destructive course. Unfortunately, in the mean time, some children will be put on airplanes, some will be killed or otherwise abused, and some children will be stolen and sold, all for the sake of the commerce of adoption.

Ruining it for for the rest of them

What fascinates me about this case is how so many adoption advocates seem to react to the news.  Over and over again I read (am reminded) "This news sends a false picture of intercountry adoption that now jeopardizes the lives of other children.", and some are concerned recent events will affect public opinion when it comes to international adoption.  Well sure, those at risk, (financial loss/salary decrease due to a decrease in numbers) DO worry how and where public opinion will lead!  (Imagine a world where adoption lawyers, and their associated facilitators, were not paid-in-full for their services!)  

Just like child trafficking cases raise questions like, "Was my adopted child stolen from living parents?" and "Did the parents give informed consent; Is this adoption legal?",  disrupted placement cases  raise questions like, "Are adoption agencies screening and preparing parents-to-be properly?" and "Are post adoption services adequate?".  It's clear to me many adoption advocates do not want to raise uncomfortable questions because looking deeper into the adoption quandary will bring costly risks and ugly reminders.  It's my belief more people should be asking questions about the quality behind each adoption being made.  More people should be investigating adoption agencies and their paid affiliates far more closely, and more people should realize, one can be an adoption advocate, and still not know the first thing about child safety and child advocacy.  [Review the Masha Allen case, and ask, who was thinking about Masha's needs and safety?  Whose interests were being served?]

The lives of children living in orphanages and foster care are already "at risk".  Poor adoption standards and "family services" simply makes bad matters far worse.

Instead of seeing letters like this appeal to facilitate Guatemalan adoptions, I believe we need to see letters written and sent to government officials, (Senators,  US Representatives, Governors,  and Legislators), telling them standards in adoption practice and family services need to be radically improved, because lives are at risk.

Adoption (child placement) reform should not be about increasing the number of adoptions per year.... it should be about increasing the quality, and oversight, of care given to parents and children, regardless of "adoption plan".

Ruining it for the rest of them? or accountability?

I question this type of statement and who it comes from.  Does the possible shut down with Russia ruin it for the adoption agency's business?  For the true orphans that long for a home?  For the parents longing for a child?

Some accountability could come from a possible shutdown.  Russia can make the adoption agencies that have made $$millions$$ off of Russian Adoptions more accountable.  There needs to be a checks and balance in place and apparently with the string of child abuse, death and disrupts from many Russian adoptions something is wrong, terrible wrong with the current system.  The nay sayers can say it is only a few Russian Adoptions that end up bad--i am not buying it, there have been many reports and how many are not reported but buried (no pun intended here), even a few cases is 1 too many and should not be poo poo'd off as not a significant number after all thousands of Russian adoptions are perfect. 

PEAR (Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform) just posted a list of American Adoption Agencies that the Russian Ministry reported as not being compliant with post-placement reports.  Russia should demand 3 years of Post Placement reports by a LICENSED Clinical Social worker, not an MSW.  Hold their license accountable for reporting the TRUTH, and hold the agency and Russia accountabile for examining these records.  Some of these American adoption agencies are worried they will lose their business $$ if there is a shutdown.  Hold them accountable to spend some of their profits off of Russian Adoptions and open counseling centers in Russia for orphans who are placed on the registry to be adopted.  Many of these orphans have no idea what to expect in America, the culture, the language, the behavior.  They have been through a lot and many were homeless (the older children) prior to placement in the system. 

American Adoption agencies should be accountable, if you want to play in Russia than pay for the programs that are needed.  WACAP that conducted this adoption of Artem, had a reported revenue in 2008 that exceeded $4 million.  I am told that a large percentage of their revenue is from their Russian program.  

The name of the Adoption Agency that conducted this sham of an adoption is called World Adoptions for Children and Parents (WACAP)
they are out of Seattle, WA. According to their 990 IRS tax returns for 2008 at their total revenue for 2008 was $4,396,653 (over $4 million dollars) they have grown steadily since their 2003 IRS returns which showed a revenue of $647,258. The Executive Director's name is lillian Thogersen her reported salary for 2008 was $95,000. There are 5 other "Directors" that have salaries that range from $50-56K for a total of $273,346 in Compensation.
Check out this blog for stories about the agency and other adoptive Russian children that have been killed.

Responsibility + Accountability = Better Quality

I know I'm a dinosaur...  I'm the by-product of the Closed-Era, complete with sealed records and incomplete (non-transparent) information. I'm also an adoptee who has been given conflicting half-truths from my Afamily, and I'm an adoptee who has yet to learn the real circumstances/facts behind my adoption.  Last but not least, I'm an adoptee who has been abused by various members of my Afamily.  [Detailed secrets I feel forced to keep.]  To add insult to injury, I have been rejected, ("sent away", if you will), by my AP's, once I shared "the truth" with the parents who would supposedly "love me forever".

I wish I knew more about the adoption agency that sold me.... I wish I could use them as an example, as to what NOT to use, what NOT to fall for.... what NOT to trust.... ah, but alas, the adoption agency my AP's used has been shut-down,decades ago; records have been lost to a fire, (or so the SW working on my case had said),  and all memory has been "forgotten".  [It's part of the past.... or so people would like to think.]  My skin shrinks knowing how history in Adoptionland continues to repeat.

When my Aparents adopted, I think the last thing on their mind was "full transparency"... last thing on thir mind was MY future needs, as an adoptee.  I think all they had in-mind was this basic truth: we want a healthy baby, (we have the money), we want the baby ASAP.

I'd like to imagine IF a government, like the USA, demands full transparency from orphanages AND adoption agencies, "business as usual" (from money hungry adoption agencies) would be greatly reduced.  Thus my comment, "Ruining it for the rest of them".  Think about all the adoption agencies that DO NOT provide complete transparency.... think about all the agencies "placing children", because it brings income/money.   Think about all the adoption agencies hiding SOMETHING, from either AP, or first-families, because "less truth" sells far more than "complete honesty".  If more long-term responsibility AND accountability was expected from adoption agencies, how many agencies would be able to stand the test of time?   Like it or not, the truth is, just as  there are adoption agencies looking to help serve children,  there are adoption agencies looking to make money, at the expense of parents AND children.  (Face it, babies and young infants sell.)

More than anything, I would LOVE to ruin business for the agencies that fail to keep the promise made to  truly adoptable children.. the promise that says "good, decent, loving parent-figures exist and through adoption you WILL find a place to call 'home'... people to call 'family'".  More than anything, I would LOVE to ruin business for the agencies that want to cater to the needs of eager parent's-to-be, WITH money, regardless of obvious lack in parenting skill and questionable ability to provide a full complete sense of future safety and security.  More than anything I would love to ruin the belief that "fast-cash " can be made through the adoption industry.

It saddens me deeply that a great number of PAP's see/view their adoption agencies as God-like entities... incapable of doing wrong or harm to first-families and their children.  It saddens me deeply that PAP's can't see how far-too-many-an-adoption-agency PROFITS from each child sold, regardless of future child safety and well-being.  It saddens me that many a PAP don't realize with any given adoption agency, they are indeed  playing "Russian roulette".

For those who don't think money is NOT the root of all evil, and grave deception, I beg:  PLEASE think again. 

PAP's need to keep eyes wide open and ears to the ground... and those with a conscience need to put an end to self-serving adoption agencies that claim they are in-business "for the sake of the poor children".  Sad truth is, far too many agencies are in the business of trading children because the profits made from each and every adoption are far too big...far too good.

Ohio Family knows Tennessee mom's plight


Parallels between two international adoptions are eerie


SHELBY -- Diane Williams knows the torment of Torry Hansen, who last week sent her 7-year-old adopted son on a one-way flight to Moscow with a note saying he was violent and mentally ill.

Williams -- like the mother in Tennessee -- worked with an international agency to adopt a son. She and her husband welcomed Jacob, 3 years old at the time, into their Ohio home from a Romanian orphanage.

Now 15, Jacob suffers from numerous psychological problems, including attention deficit disorder, reactive attachment disorder and post traumatic stress disorder.

Williams said she understands Hansen's deep frustration.

"Jacob's always been difficult to parent," she said.

In 2009, his psychological problems escalated and he began hurting himself by cutting and biting.

"I don't mean nibble. He takes a chunk out of his arms," his mother said.

At one point, Jacob inserted sewing needles into his hand and had to undergo surgery to have them removed. Last April, he made the first of numerous suicide attempts, trying to hang himself in the backyard. His mother said he survived because the rope he was using broke.

However difficult the worry and pain, Williams said she'd never give up Jacob -- and she questioned what her fellow adoptive mother did, finally, to try to fix the problems.

"When you adopt, you make a lifelong commitment to that child," she said.


Williams is following the Hansen case closely -- little wonder given the eerie parallels of their lives.

The Williamses hail from Shelby, while Hansen resides in Shelbyville, Tenn. Both mothers work as nurses -- perhaps felicitous given the challenges of adopting and raising mentally ill boys.

Each woman's son, adopted from a former Eastern Bloc country, grew increasingly unstable, even violent, making his American family live in fear.

The adoptive grandmother of the Russian boy, Artyom Savelyev, told the Associated Press of her Tennessee family's fear the 7-year-old would burn their house down -- with them in it.

For the Williams family, the possibility of a house fire was more than a fear.

One night last July, Shelby firefighters were called to the Williams' split-level home to extinguish a fire Jacob started in a crawl space. He later was charged with felony arson, but the case was dismissed because he was in a treatment program, his mother said.

Still, the damage to the house put the family in a hotel for three months.


The Williamses, who have three grown children, also are raising another son. Adopted in Paraguay when he was 6 months old, T.J. -- like Jacob -- is 15, but hasn't shown any problems.

The clan has known both hope and unease from the time Jacob joined the family.

Diane Williams said she found Jacob on the Internet through the now-defunct adoption agency International Families. The adoption cost $15,000.

The Williamses were told that in Romania, Jacob lived in an orphanage for infants called Falciu in Vasliu.

Diane and Steve, along with T.J., collected Jacob in Philadelphia.

She remembers the day well.

"We got him in October and it was chilly. The escort brought him to us at the hotel and he had on a hot-pink sweatsuit," she laughed. "He was as cute as he could be, but he was terrified. He was afraid --and, of course, he would be."

Williams said having T.J. there helped. The boys are a month and six days apart in age.

Still, there was something about Jacob that was amiss. He smelled horrible. A trip to the doctor's office in Richland County revealed Jacob had a foreign object lodged in his nose. Williams said the item had been there so long, it was unclear what it was.

"Conditions are so horrible in these countries, and the doctors know (the orphans) stand a better chance here than they do there, so they clear a lot of them," Williams said.

Americans adopted 1,586 children from Russia in 2009, the lowest number adopted from the country in a decade, according to the U.S. State Department. Of that total, 67 youngsters went to Ohio homes.

Romania banned foreign adoptions in 2004. International adoptions boomed in the country after televised pictures of orphaned children living in squalor were broadcast worldwide following the 1989 ouster of the Communist dictator Nicolae Ceausescu, who had banned birth control. About 30,000 children were adopted internationally between the fall of communism in Romania and 2004.

Ontario attorney Rebecca Thomas, who has handled a number of adoptions from Europe for local families, said a prospective parent gets more information on children born in the United States than on those coming from other nations.

"Most adoptive families will not know the medical history or family background (of children from abroad)," Thomas said. "It's rare for families doing foreign adoptions to get more information."

Psychologist Irina Parkins, who works at Cincinnati Children's Hospital's division of behavioral medicine and clinical psychology, said that generally the longer a child remains in an orphanage, the higher the risk of problems later in life.

"The ratio of caretaker to children can be high, and needs can't be met as when there is one-on-one attention," she said. "A lot of times the care is very scheduled and not based on the needs of the child, as opposed to a typical family where a child cries and is fed."

In a stable family, a young child's needs are met, which assists normal development.

"An orphanage is different. Some of those brain connections are just not formed," Parkins said. "When children are in an orphanage and are abused, that changes the chemical makeup of the brain. The children start having problems, which could be emotional or behavioral or learning, because those brain pathways were not formed."


His mother said doctors believe Jacob's troubles stem from his childhood spent in a Romanian orphanage.

The Williamses received no medical information about Jacob at the time of his adoption, and knew little about the conditions of Romanian orphanages.

"His birth father died several years ago, and the agency called to let us know and we asked if we could find out how he died. They said they would try," Williams said, but she never heard back.

His mother said when the family adopted Jacob, they noticed a lack of color on his wrists and ankles. At bed time, the boy would raise his arms and wait.

Williams said she believes Jacob was tied down in his bed at night for years.

"If we had known, if they had been more honest about the situations in the orphanages," she said, "I don't know if we could have prevented what's happened to him."

Puberty might have brought Jacob's symptoms to light, his doctors say. But his mother said he has never recognized boundaries.

"It's been something we've dealt with his whole life," she said. "I never dreamed what we're doing now would ever happen to us."

What the Williamses are doing now is traveling at least once a week to visit Jacob at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center. He was placed in an acute care unit there in January, after having spent about three months at Akron Children's Hospital.

He'll stay in the Cincinnati facility until he can be stabilized enough to be placed in a residential treatment center.

Because he remains a danger to himself, Jacob is being checked on by hospital staff every 15 minutes.

From her living room in Shelby, Williams admits she cries a lot.

She's scared for her son. But there have been times when she's been scared of him.

"The thing that scares me more than anything is to bring him back home," she said. "I'm terrified of bringing him back home."

Despite the difficulties, Williams said she would never consider sending Jacob back to Romania.

"We take one step forward and two steps backward," she said. "He's had a couple close calls. Thankfully, he's still alive."

Dumping children American Samoa, loses out to Russia

Oh my, in the "perfect" world there would be no unwanted children, in the perfect world there would be no 
adoptions, because there would be no supply. 
But in this world the opportunity costs, incentives and hidden agendas are so high for the "adoption agency and the "LSW" and they love to create a DEMAND for children, they love to portray them as suffering, as needy, as poverished. Thus, the flood gates or cattle guards are opened up wide for the righteous to SAVE them. Save them from their own, save them from being "heathens". 
When I initially read this story, I had a "flashback" to the dynamic duo, and adoption saviors, adoption agency owners, Scott and Karen Banks. 
Challenged their own clients to their adopted Chinese daughter, hire a LSW, in Salt Lake City ( She is on ADOPTRESEARCH list from the Russians, Jenni Mowery)
to "paint" a beautiful home study, even though several adopted children are no longer in their home, even though they pled guilty to crimes involving children, and are paying in to a trust, to aid in Samoan children having a relationship with their bio families, all while on PROBATION. What absolutely perfect role models! Now those are parents kids can be proud to call Mum and Dad. Accountability?  You mean there should be watch dogs for LSW and adoption agencies, because most of them are in it for the $$$$$$. You bet there should be but as we just watched in the courts of Utah, the LSW, dreamed up a "glowing" home study for Scott and Karen Banks!   Ho Hum, how in the world can they even be considered canidates to adopt? 
Cruel, self-centered, inconsiderate, controlling, disrespectful, greedy, have abandoned, have mistreated, hot-tempered, impatient, drug user, drinks to much, is abusive, has abused, no time for the potientally adopted child, wants to adopt for all the wrong reasons, filling a religious quota, sucks at house keeping, Mom can't cook, Dad never home, (but was home for my initial home visit). All these potential parental characteristics lie dormant. And will probably show their ugly head once the wee one arrives. Yet, these are the descriptive's that need to show up on home studies. The green kool-aid, kicks in and the social worker forgets whose living room she is really sitting in, she thinks of the revenue of the home study and the follow-up visits.  
Home studies=glorified lies.
Who gives a shit about the "vast blue skies, their involvement in the "church". Obviously, even their church has slacked on it's own principals and standards to even let them attend and remain members. 
In this magical world that we exist in, it really doesn't matter what your track record is with adopted children, whether or not you have failed them, your can still have the American dream, of adopting another child because this is the land of opportunity, the land of saviors, the land of in which theocracy rules. This is allowed, it is encouraged by LSW, who practice no ethics and by apathetic people who sit their in recliners and watch and take no action to prevent it. 
Welfare and safety of children come first and foremost right after the $$$$$$$$ 
After reading stories like this and the Banks, the only relief I have that allows me to sleep is knowing that adopted children are void of emotions, that they are void of feelings and void of knowing the actions of their AP's are right or wrong, and that these children will never be haunted by the destructive way have been treated. Failure to bond or was it failure for them to accept indoctrination? 
The disposal of adopted children, Russia is the new American Samoa. 
Thank GOD for PEAR, and PPL for exposing and forcing people to really think, about the CHILDREN. For being activists.

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DOP Chien

Good points!  So how do we make these people  LSW accountable?

I have some ideas but maybe we could start a list and send to PEAR who will then take it to state levels;

1) Currently the LCSW or MSW that conduct home studies are trained and taught by the agency they contract with.  They use a template supplied by the agency.  Shouldn't the Agencies have to pay JCICS or some other trade organization to sponsor acredited training 2 x's a year for home study analysis?   This should be required that they have this accrediation on home studies just as the agency is suppose to have "acrediation" or COA or Hague Regulated.  The training of the LSW and writing of home studies should be part of the agency obtaining acrediation.

   a)  Acrediation of Home Study writing should be affixed to the finished home study along with license #.    

   b)  They should have to repeat an update of the home study acrediation every 18 months. 

   c)  I suggest USCIS personally attend these classes as they don't even know how to read a home study yet they issue 171-Hs based off of a well written home study. 

   d)  Have the USCIS sell a template, with their software to the agencies.  They must follow their template instead of writing the home study to suit the needs of the countries requirement:  I have seen it all  even claiming to be a particular ethnicity or working with their church or kids groups without back up support.  USCIS should also look at updates to be more serious than they have been taken.  For instance I know a couple (they are Asian) they have been waiting 3 years for a referral from China.  They have had 2 updates that cost $800.00 each time the LSW came to the home collected the required documents, Asked if anything changed did an updated electronic background check and that is IT!

2)  Contract LSWs who are paid by the home study should be PROHIBITTED.  This encourages them to spit out a incomplete home study so they can get paid.  My first home study was botched by a Contracted MSW who in my state is OK to work under the license of the Adoption Agency who's head HS supervisor is a LCSW.  She f'kd it up SO bad it took her 5 months to complete it, she was paid then moved on to another agency while the supervisor had to fix everything AFTER it was submitted to the USCIS. 

   a)  change it to an hourly wage and a time sheet of work completed.

    b)  LSWs should not be able to freelance with multiple agencies at once to write home studiest.   They should take pictures and recordings of their sessions with the client to verify or defend their position.  I know the notion of recording devices makes some clients nervous - so make the copy of the taped interviews and photos available.  This could be their defense if there is a case of perception or "he said" "she said"

3)  There should be more overseeing of Adoption Agency contracts with clients, as it sits they are waived of liability.  There has to be more uniformity and accountabiltiy written in these contracts.  Why do you suppose not that many Adoption agencies get sued?  They have written the contract to protect themselves, not the child, not you but THEMSELVES.

4)  Self governing for Adoption Agencies have not worked.  Their needs to be standardization even on fees.  As it sits you can call around and Home studies charge anywhere from $1,200 to $5,000 dollars.  The Rich and Famous like Jolie get the best "writers" who probably skip on the face to face meeting.  Everyone rich or poor, famous or not famous should be held to the same standards.   Money equation should be regulated, then there will be less "cheating" and ineptness. 

    a)  International Adoption in Russia for instance is anywhere from $16,000 to $30,000 depending on the age of the child and their health.  This is CRAP!  Standardize the fee schedule.   This also encourages some countries to (wink-wink) move some PAPs or que them into the system in front of the line.  


Comment and more questions...

I really appreciate the input and suggests you offer.... quite frankly some of the things I learn from angry and concerned AP's really shock and enlighten me.  For instance, I did not know the LCSW or MSW that conducts home studies are trained and taught by the agency they contract with, AND adoption agencies are waived liability.  That seems very crooked and scary to me. 

Today I read in yet another article about this case that the Amother refused post-adoption follow-up visits.

As part of the story, social workers would have researched Hansen's background, ideas on parenting and readiness to parent. In a statement released this week, agency officials said Adoption Assistance Inc. educates adoptive parents on "attachment, bonding, grief, loss, behavioral issues, and behaviors associated with institutionalized children."

"Specifically, this mother also was educated about adopting an older child and the possible behaviors he/she might exhibit," the statement said.

It said a January follow-up visit showed the 7-year-old Russian boy, renamed Justin Hansen, was adjusting to his new home. But when the social worker asked for a second follow-up visit in March, Hansen cut off communication by phone and e-mail. The agency also couldn't reach her mother or sister.  [From:  "Adoption agency investigated Shelbyville mom before child placed", April 15, 2010 ]

Aren't these follow-up visits mandatory... part of the "contract agreement" one makes when adopting a child?  If not, shouldn't these follow-up visits be mandatory, and NOT be seen as an invasion of privacy? 

Post placement visits

Most are at the discretion of the adoption agency.  The agencies that want "insurance" on a good placement will continue doing this for up to 3 years after placement.  You usually see this in the smaller International Adoption Agencies.  The bigger ones have failed, PEAR's blog has a whole list of Adoption Agencies that are not compliant with the post placement report. 

At one time agencies made you pay for it before your adoption was final, however many got away from this because of so many adoptions not completed and the clients couldn't receive a refund for a service not completed.  Some agencies make this part of the home study fee.  Others have the post placement as the final payment before the parent(s) travel.

It is from what I understand on a "volunteer basis", as you know the parent can turn the social worker away- I don't believe it  is a binding agreement.  It isn't like the agency can step in and remove the child because a form is not filled out.  However it appears that now Russia is outing the Agencies that are not providing the post placement report and more than likely they will not be able to do future business in Russia unless they play by Russia's rules. 

My heart bleeds

After reading stories like this and the Banks, the only relief I have that allows me to sleep is knowing that adopted children are void of emotions, that they are void of feelings and void of knowing the actions of their AP's are right or wrong, and that these children will never be haunted by the destructive way have been treated. Failure to bond or was it failure for them to accept indoctrination? 

Many of us are told we are devoid of emotion... many of us are told we own TOO much emotion (TOO sensitive to feelings/emotions; too sensitive to things that may trigger "bad"/ negative/scary reactions).... I read the private emails sent to me.... please believe me, the rejection, the abuse, the horror of it all, (the basic sense of right v. wrong), IT IS NOT FORGOTTEN, but put in a place where no "normal person" can reach.  If only others could see and read what's known to me... the damage done.... it manifests itself in such tragic tragic ways!!!!!

"Us v. Them".... a mentality that maintains itself in rage and grief.... a mentality that punishes oneself, first, and others, much, much later.

Knowing good, loving, accepting AP's exist makes my heart bleed.

It makes people like myself ask:  "WHY NOT ME?!?!?!"

Disposable children are replaced with a new one!

Please recognize my anger and sarcasism, Kerry.

I also have been in reciept of communication of abused adopted children, now adults, and the grief and emotion that they pour out  is RAW, it is pure, and it is gut wrenching,,it is heart breaking, unless of course your a presiding  judge. But their adopted AP's are allowed to start "afresh", with a clean slate,  AKA a new child. "They, the AP's have gone on.....with their lives. " (quote directly from court docs found on this site)  WTF, what about those kids who were dumped, who are just now adults trying to pick up the peices of their emotional lives, peice together the train wreck that broke their souls.     Well, lets reward these AP's with another innocent child!  The LSW, should have her license revoked. 

If that isn't breaking a law in Utah, then nothing does. The destruction of a child, at the whim of the AP. "Forever child " no more.

Without love, kindness, compassion, patience, understanding, hugs, empathy, what becomes of a disposable adopted child?  Where do they get the "social skills" or emotional strength to live, their self-esteem is shot, their "love meter" is on alert.  Role models, not in my comic book.


We recently got a new cat after ours died.  We were denied a kitten by a shelter because we had recently lost a pet, not due to natural causes.  Maybe we would qualify in Utah.

Misplaced, replaced, where oh where is my adopted child

This mother in TN, who adopted and "sent away"

She had begun the process of getting another child out of E.Europe.  Her original agency denied her request and told her to focus on this young 7 year old. 

 So she went to another agency and requested to adopt another child.  Her request was being processed by the second adoption agency.  She was going to get what she wanted.  In the back of her mind maybe she was too focused on the "potiental of the next adopted child" to see to the emotional needs of the one in her hip pocket.

At least this state is going to charge her with abandonment, and other things!

Replace, misplace, kids do become shoes when they are mismatched with dysfunctional AP's.


The story of a second adoption, demonstrates one of the biggest problems with the American adoption system.

In a capitalist society, it is seen as something positive to have choice, and when buying an iPod, a car, a chain saw, or even pizza, it is good to have choice. It keeps price low and/or quality of service high.

Unfortunately the same business model is used for adoption. The rationale is grounded in the fallacious notion that adoption agencies provide services. Just like products, services are claimed to be cheaper and of higher quality, when customers have a choice. Yet, adoption agencies are not regular service providers, even though that claim is made.

A typical service is the painting of a house, or the repair job of a car. In either case, some expert performs a job and gets paid for it. Often some selling of products is involved, but that always is a side effect of the service. No one hiring a painter, has a primary motivation to buy paint, but want his/her house painted, and the purchase of paint is a necessary aspect of that. The repair job of a car, may involve the purchase of one or more parts, but the owner of the car is not necessarily interested in those parts, as well as having his/her car fixed.

With adoption, on the other hand, the clients of the adoption agency are usually not directly motivated to purchase the services of the agency, and receive a child as a side effect. Obtaining a child is the goal, and purchasing the services is a means to that goal.

In that sense the business model of an adoption agency looks more like that of a shop, than that of a service provider. People go to a shop to purchase a product and as a side effect some services may be purchased. When buying a kitchen or kitchen appliances, delivery and installation services are usually purchased. When buying a car, insurance or additional maintainance may be purchased. Still, the main goal is the product itself, not the services. No one is going to buy a kitchen for the installation services, or a car for its maintainance schedule.

The same applies to adoption. No prospective adoptive parents will adopt internationally, to finally have the opportunity to receive assistance in filling out a Form I-800A. Receiving that assistance may be a necessary service, but it is not a goal in and of itself. The goal of prospective adopters is the acquisition of a child, and clients of adoption agency go to an adoption agency to obtain a child, just like people go to a car dealer to obtain a car.

As a result, adoption agencies don't compete over services rendered, but over products delivered. The criteria for choosing an adoption agency is never over the price or quality of service of the assistance of filling out a Form I-800-A. People choose an adoption agency, because of the children offered, and the promised time table of delivery.

Such a product oriented approach to adoption, makes that competition leads to a lowering of ethical standards. One agency may say that adopting another child is an inappropriate step, but given the large number of competing agencies, there is always another agency willing to assist in that inappropriate step.

The same can be said about home studies. One social worker or agency may deny prospective adopters, but given the large number of agencies and independent social workers, there is nearly always someone willing to write a positive recommendation. As a result, nearly everyone, irrespective of suitability is able to adopt, all because of the overwhelming competition in the adoption field.

Artem's case may look unique, but it is only unique in the sense that he got sent back to Russia on his own. There are plenty of adopted children that get dumped within the US, that never make the news. There are plenty of children that don't get sent away, but get maltreated or abused. The reason this happens so much more in the US than in any other country in the world, lies in the fact that American adoption agencies operate under fierce competition (Pennsylvania alone has more adoption agencies than all European countries combined). Unfortunately, adoption being such a special product, this doesn't lead to highest quality of service and/or lowest price, but makes that the system slides towards the lowest ethical standards possible. The price of such a system is paid by children like Artem.

Captialism+unregulated industry = disaster

We have discussed the fact that adoptions are merely a business transaction to many of these adoption agencies.

It isn't so much capitalism that is destroying the credibility of the industry but the self-regulationand lack of accountability.  It seems in International Adoption "anything goes" in order to make the sale.  This is the biggest bunch of horseshit I have every had the displeasure of learning about.  Adoption industries make the Bernie Madoff business model look like it is run by a saint.

How can our government sit back and let these assholes: charge what they want, use some inexperienced unlicensed SW to write some fake home study, pass out money to poor people in countries via their in country facilitiator to get relinquished infants, adopt out sickly children as some kind of orphan mission under the guise of religion, write a contract that favors their business and assumes no responibility with a ton of "waviers of liability" for PAPs to sign, impose a gag order so parents cannot speak out, not properly monitor post placement reports, not offer post counseling services to the parents and child.

Also there are way too many Adoption Agency Executive Directors (owners) who are unqualified.  I have seen it all from ex-adoptive parents, high school educated, questionable background like the exotic dancer that owned Waiting Angels, or the mall kiosk owner that owned another.  Lets have some standards: degrees in child development, MSW, something.......The states need to check into these people. 


(Pennsylvania alone has more adoption agencies than all European countries combined).

You've mentioned this before and it came as a surprise to me.  I'm wondering if you have a theory as to why Pennsylvania (PA) tops the list of US states in number of adoption agencies.

Is PA an adoption friendly state (like Utah)?  Do Pennsylvanians adopt more children per capita than other states? PA ranks 7th (out of 50) in population and California alone has almost 4x the number of people.  What are the significant factors driving the high amount of adoption agencies in PA as compared to other states?

Of the 50 US states, I've heard PA tops the list in homeschooling and licensed hunters.  We don't homeschool and I've never owned a gun, so maybe we're not your "normal" Pennsylvanians.

Perhaps we were so focused on older child adoption and didn't pursue infant or international.  Or maybe it's simply because I've always lived in PA and have no other reference point.  I have no reason to doubt your sources, I just don't happen to notice what appears to be a proliferation of adoption agencies in my home state.



At the congressional hearing: Sexual exploitation of children over the Internet: Follow-up issues of the Masha Allen adoption, the following was said:

MR. STUPAK.  Thank you, Mr. Chairman, and thank you for staying with us this afternoon.  Can anyone open an adoption agency?
MS. MASKEW.  Pretty much, yes.
MR. STUPAK.  And there are no requirements, no qualifications?
MS. MASKEW.  Well, there are requirements for people to have certain qualifications to hold certain positions.
MR. STUPAK.  Okay, but if I want to open one, I can go open one?
MS. MASKEW.  Yes, if you were to hire a supervisor or an executive director that has the qualifications that are required by law, then pretty much anybody can be the principle that opens it.
MR. STUPAK.  Okay.  And Mr. Rolsky, do you want to say anything on that?
MR. ROLSKY.  Well, I don't think it is quite that simple.  New Jersey has very specific requirements as to who the staffing has to be.
MR. STUPAK.  Right.
MR. ROLSKY.  Pennsylvania does not.  I mean, it is so variable and that is where the problem is.
MR. STUPAK.  Okay.
MR. ROLSKY.  I make jokes sometimes that a plumber can run an agency in Pennsylvania.  It cannot happen in New Jersey.  I am not holding up New Jersey as the highest paragon, but compared to Pennsylvania--

Mr. Stupak is Rep. Bart Stupak (D-Mi)
Ms. Maskew is Trish Maskew, at the time President of Ethica.
Mr. Rolsky is Jared Rolsky, executive director of Golden Cradle Adoption Services and board member of JCICS

Given the response of Jared Rolsky, it's apparent that Pennsylvania has laxer regulations than New Jersey, and probably laxer than any of its neighbouring states. So it's not at all unlikely that Pennsylvanian adoption agencies have a larger span than just the state of Pennsylvania, and actually perform services for customers throughout the Mid-Atlantic.

Organizations usually settle en-masse in those jurisdictions that have the weakest regulation. Hence the large number of credit card companies in Delaware, and the large number of insurance companies in Connecticut. Pennsylvania, apparently is such a free-haven for adoption agencies.

The organizational structure of Pennsylvanian licensing practice also contributes to the large number of agencies. Most states have central licensing, where Pennsylvania has four regional offices each doing their own licensing. As a result some of the larger agencies have four different offices in Pennsylvania, each having its own license with one of the regional offices, each counting as a separate adoption agency. Though, even when we don't count each local  office as a separate entity, Pennsylvania still has a disproportionate number of adoption agencies. Of the 200 licensed agencies in Pennsylvania, 60 are local offices of larger organizations. With 140 independent agencies, Pennsylvania still has more agencies than any other state in the US.

Using four different regional licensing offices, may very well contribute to lax regulation of adoption in Pennsylvania. Trying to apply standards in one organization is already difficult, doing that in four different organizations may easily lead to lowest common denominator standards.

Pennsylvania may be extreme in its number of agencies, but most states in the US have far more agencies per capita than any other country in the world. Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Netherlands, Belgium, Germany, Austria, all have between 2 and  5 agencies for the entire country, while each moderately sized state in the US has at least 50 agencies, not counting adoption attorneys arranging private adoptions.

With so many agencies, it becomes practically impossible to monitor operation. States barely have the staff to do the paperwork required for licensing, let alone monitor the practices of the agencies they licensed. So effectively many agencies will just do whatever they deem appropriate and State licensing offices will only look into issues when serious malpractices are proven. The latter is often not easy. For thirty years the state of Illinois tried in vain to revoke the license of Easter House, but never could effectively prove the baby brokering practices of Seymour Kurtz, because his operations spanned over many different jurisdictions.

So in conclusion: it's easy to get a license to run an adoption agency (especially in Pennsylvania ), there is little monitoring once a license has been given, and it's very hard to revoke a license once it is given. It seem to me the system, this way, works to the benefit of agencies, not to the benefit of the children they claim to help.

True about PA

World Links International Adoption Agency WLIAA, is owned and operated by Tatiana Suslin who is a Russian National.   She is located in Radnor, PA

When she opened WLIAA, I heard she barely had a green card but was still allowed to open an agency.  She had one of the largest host programs in the USA at one time.   WLIAA has had a decline in business 5 years ago she had program revenues of over $1 million.  Her 2008 returns show it was just over $300,000 YET she still pays herself $80K a year in salary.

Tatiana would boast that her Russian backgroun enables her to work in countries that other adoptions agencies don't have any connections to. With this latest Russian adoption scandel she has already started the damage control with a newsletter and a statement on her website so her families waiting for Russian referrals won't back out.

I pity these agencies that have a large percentage of their business from Russian adoptions. 

Being that adoption agencies are a private business which is allowed to have a "non-profit" status.  I would like to see Russia make all of these adoption agencies that have made so much money off of Russian Adoptions pay a yearly operating fee to conduct business in their country.   Put the funds into rehab and training centers for the orphans and disadvantaged of Russia.

Bottom line there may be a lot of adoption agencies licensed in PA because of lax laws, but  many are barely making it and their business has dropped significantly. 

there is an entire industry of re-homing in the USA

the reactive attachment disorder groups or attachment disorder groups have an entire industry that goes after parents who bring home children from adoptions ....  people who can shell out $30,000 to adopt internationally usually can dig up the same amount to pay for RAD therapy...

this is not all that uncommon folks;  she could have posted the kid on; or became part of the underground or yahoo groups that swap kids all the time  see for more info about all that goes on

a whole lot of people who adopt internationally re-home the kid

the one place you usually cannot go to get help is back to the adoption agency or to public social services

many parents who go to social services for help with children like her child end up with charges against them anyway...  then if they enter the system they get treated worse.... 

she probably did the most humane thing to him....  read or for more info about how his life in treatment here probably would have been.... 

there are also plenty of people who adopt after sending one back

also,  is a women who adopted 50 some kids, a good many from adoption distruptions.... just for an example

Alternatives, according to Federici

Don't know if you read the article "Adoptive parents can feel overwhelmed during transition".... Federici states the following:

Parents sometimes don't know how to handle behavioral and psychological problems, he said. They may sue the adoption agency or abuse or relinquish their children.

Federici said he hopes the publicity surrounding Artyem will encourage prospective parents to get better informed, receive counseling and work more closely with adoption specialists.

Need I mention here how some adoption specialists "treat" poorly bonding adoptees?  [See:  Holding Therapy]

SOOOOO let's see.... of the three options given by Federici, how many AP's choose to sue the adoption agency, relinquish their (adopted) children or choose to abuse them... ("teach them a lesson")?

It would be nice if the adoption industry thought  these stats (number of children abused and rejected by Afamilies, each year) were worth keeping.

Christians zealots pack your suitcases China's had a earthquake!

Lets go get us some "ORPHANS"

Natural Disasters in Adoptionland

 Forget China... that's old news.... India recently got hit real good by Mother Nature.  Word has it almost a million are homeless.  Too bad many have caught-on to many ways of illegal trade, so warnings to the astute reader have been issued:  Trafficking of women and children is common in the area and aid workers say they are concerned that if support is not given, families will be forced to send their children with traffickers. 

Only when you pair that information with an article like, let's say.... Navigating the world of foreign adoption... does an interested reader find more to follow.  For instance, some news-media/resources would love us to believe thousands of Americans have been patiently waiting and wanting to provide aid and adopt "needy orphans" from Haiti for a very long time, but the truth is, once the wait gets too long, (due to government involvement, extensive investigation, and heightened media attention), many "eager to adopt an infant" move on to other countries where gathered orphans are a-plenty, and in-theory, corruption and wait are limited. 

Some who decided to adopt from Haiti because of the earthquake have moved on to other countries, says Kim Batts, international services coordinator at Bethany Christian Services adoption agency (

"I think a lot of them, if they hadn't thought of Haiti previously, they're generally open to moving in a different direction after they talk to our branch workers and find out about the needs of children throughout the world," she says.

Big orphan hot-spots still being pitched to the American not afraid to travel for a kid under the age of five?  Ethiopia, China, and Russia.  Of course just a few short years ago, Ethiopia didn't even exist on the adoption menu... that off-the-beaten-path hot-spot for "unwanted" babies/ orphans belonged to exotic places Guatemala and Samoa.

It's hard to see the kind selflessness in strangers when desperate and determined adopters act like hungry vultures, (looking for babies and very young children with  limited memory), when tragedy hits.

I was asked for my thoughts

I was asked for my thoughts on the below article. I am so burned out right now on whining adoptive parents that I just can't see straight...


This is just so sad. The

This is just so sad. The adopted mother must at least have accompanied the child back to his country. I think the child strongly feels rejection on what has happened to him. As if international associations weren't strained enough, the Russian adoption return might make things just a little worse. I don't know who needs to be blamed, the adoptive parents or the adoption agency, though I think I side with parents. (Anybody see that movie The Orphan? This is almost the exact same thing, except no one's been killed yet.) Some children are just not best served in a normal home, and need more substantial care than a normal family can provide or even fund, even with payday advances or second jobs.

Artem/Justin celebrates 8th birthday in Russia

First pictures of Russian adoption boy as he celebrates 8th birthday

The first pictures of Artyom Savelyev, the little Russian boy at the centre of an international adoption scandal, have been released since his return to Moscow last Thursday aboard a flight from Washington.

First pictures of Russian adoption boy as he celebrates 8th birthday: Artyom Savelyev
Artyom Savelyev in a children's hospital in Moscow celebrating his eighth birthday Photo: EPA

The pictures were taken in a Moscow children's hospital as Artyom celebrated his eighth birthday and came as officials said they would find a Moscow-based foster family for him in the near future.

Artyom's case has prompted Russia to suspend all adoptions by American citizens pending an agreement with the United States governing the process.

<!-- BEFORE ACI -->

  • A 33-year-old American nurse, Torry Ann Hansen, returned Artyom to Moscow on his own on a flight from the US last Thursday saying she could no longer care for him. The boy, whom she had renamed Justin, travelled with a note from his adoptive mother saying: "I no longer wish to parent this child", while she also claimed he was "mentally unstable".

  • Russian officials said yesterday that her claims were "nonsense," saying that tests had shown that Artyom was psychologically sound.

    Pavel Astakhov, the Kremlin's top child protection official, said Artyom was fighting a light cold but would soon be rehoused with a loving foster family. "As soon as Artyom feels well, and I think it is a light cold that will pass quickly, there will be nothing for him to do in hospital anymore," he told reporters.

    "He will be found a foster family. Everything will take place in Moscow and the boy will not be going anywhere apart from Moscow." American diplomats have said Artyom automatically became a US citizen the moment he was adopted but have made it clear they are happy for him to be found a good home in Moscow.

    Mr Astakhov gave Artyom a Lego set, a cake and some flowers and said the boy smiled a lot and seemed happy with his presents and birthday wishes.

    Artem's gesture to the Hansens?

    The child seems happy in Russia, with his culture and people.  sound like he is going to get a great Russian family to adopt him.  Maybe they won't cruely change his Russian name of Artem to an American name again. 

    The Underground Network of Disrupted adoptions in the USA

    As we have discussed on PPL, there is an underground network of parent groups who give respite or adoption services to adoptive families wishing to disrupt their adoptions.  It would be considered an independent adoption.  Some of these people claim that the children can thrive in another household, that maybe the first home was not a good fit. 

    Here is the latest posting 4/21/2010 from an Adoptive Family who wishes to disrupt their adoption of 2 Russian siblings. 

    Three years ago, a family adopted a boy and his older sister. Immediately they felt that attachment was not going well for them or the children but they thought it would come in time if they just kept trying. Three months ago, they contacted me about disrupting but decided against it until they were 110% certain it was the right decision for the children. A few days ago they came to the realization that no matter how much they wanted to be, they are not the right family for their Russian born son and daughter. Here is what they wrote about them.

    "Our son is 10 years old and in 4th grade. We are in process of obtaining an IEP from the school district, but up until now, the district has been very unsupportive of his needs. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, RAD and Anxiety disorders. He has a low verbal reasoning IQ (~73) and low average IQ (88-100) in other areas. He is socially immature. He has impaired judgment and does not seem to understand the cause and effect of his actions. We feel that he would thrive in a family that could take the time to teach him. His actions are causing significant stress on the rest of our family, and we do not feel that we are able to meet his needs. On the bright side, our son is always happy, never violent, or mean spirited. He does not hold grudges. He is compliant, and does chores without complaining, and likes to participate in family activities. He enjoys soccer, gymnastics, video games, roller skating, bicycling. He has a very curious personality and asks lots of questions. He grew up in orphanages and spent almost no time with any family members.

    Our daughter is 12 and in 6th Grade. She is emotionally detached from us, particularly her mom. She was taken from her family's home, due to neglect, when she was just a little girl 5 years old. She goes in and out of happiness related to her family. She can seem like she is happy one minute and the next, she acts like she hates us. She seems to need a family who can devote a lot of time to showing her unconditional love. Having our two biological children in the house is difficult for her. She perceives them as always receiving more than she is getting (both material objects and love). It puts a strain on the interpersonal family relationships. We feel that the healthiest thing for her would be to be adopted along with her brother. She is an amazing artist! Some of her work looks almost professional. She does well in school (when she is self motivated), she has a large social circle and gets along with everyone. She is in Girl Scouts, Softball, soccer, cheerleading, takes piano. She would like to take art classes too. She likes to help with cooking. She enjoys music and likes to dance. Both kids love pets. "

    If your heart has been stirred after reading this, please let me know. If you know of anyone who would be interested in adopting these two children please share this info with them. Thank you.

    From A Child's Perspective

    Learning About Adoption From A Child's Perspective
    Huffington Post

    In their beautiful book Everyday Blessings, The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting, Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn suggest we could learn a great deal from trying to imagine the world from our child's point of view (p.384). To this end, I would like you to imagine what the world might look like from the point of view of a 6 or 7 year old orphan.

    Imagine what the world looks and feels like to a child taken from his mother at the age of 1 or 2. Imagine that no one has really prepared him in any way for this transition and there is no one he knows there to help comfort him during this process. Imagine a little deeper if you can at the impact of any possible abuse, neglect and drug or alcohol exposure.

    Now imagine this child being taken to an orphanage full of strangers. Imagine the repercussions of spending the next 4 or 5 years in that orphanage. Having worked in an Eastern European orphanage, I can assure you that it is not a place in any way that promotes loving growth and development.

    Children in orphanages have few opportunities to grow and develop in a healthy way. They have little if any consistent one-on-one loving attention. They often do not even have their own beds much less bedtime stories and rituals such as being tucked in, bath time, bubble baths or rubber duckies. They don't grow up in a house with a kitchen to watch mom cook dinner, help set the table or share in the important ritual of family meal times. They rarely have their own set of clothes or shoes -- and certainly few if any that fit properly. No special stuffed animal, no blankie, no family photos or albums, no special books with their names in them. Children in orphanages do not have the attention, love and nurturing so vital to healthy development. And this is all under the best of circumstances. This is assuming there is no abuse. Neglect is the nature of growing up in an orphanage.

    Now imagine that one day a complete stranger arrives at the orphanage. She speaks a language the child has never heard. She spends a week or two with the child and then takes him from the orphanage to a plane and they take a long journey to a strange place with nothing that looks, sounds, feels, tastes or smells familiar. And she begins calling him a name he has never heard before.

    More than likely in the entire 7 years of this child's life, no one has attempted to help him make any sense of all that has happened to him. What is expected though is for him to be happy, well adjusted, loving, affectionate, well behaved and perhaps even a little grateful. No one anywhere seems to have any understanding what is really going on in his inner world, and no one is able to understand the feelings of sadness, despair, hopelessness, loneliness or anger he may have.

    Now, switching gears slightly, imagine you are the woman arriving at the orphanage to adopt this child. Most likely no one has given you much if any of this child's relevant history. No one has educated you about how early childhood development can be severely compromised by the kind of neglect, deprivation and emotional upheaval in this child's life. No one has advised you on what may be necessary to understand the experience of this child or to prepare you to be the parent of this child. There are most likely no follow-ups on how the adoption is going, no post-adoption support, no community awareness of the difficulties that may arise, and certainly no consequences for adoption agencies and orphanages who have in any way misrepresented the physical or mental health of the child you have made this long journey to adopt.

    I believe that the recent situation of a mom in Tennessee returning her adopted child to Russia is the result of a complete failure of the adoption process both in the US and abroad. A 7-year-old child allegedly threatening violence and drawing pictures of his house being engulfed in flames are the desperate actions of a child begging for help. A mom putting her 7 year old child on a plane, alone with no support or explanation, and having a stranger pick him up on the other end only to take him back to an orphanage is also, I believe, a very desperate act.

    If any thing positive can come of this recent tragic incident, let's hope it is to begin a global open, honest, informed and collaborative conversation about the meaning, process, reality, needs and expectations of adoption. Adoption is an amazing and rewarding way to have a family. It is how I started mine and nothing has brought me more joy and happiness. Adoption does take a great deal more than love and the desire to parent a child. Adoption truly does take a village - and a well-informed, open minded, accessible, educated village to be sure.

    What about the adopted child perspective

    Your got me at your last paragraph. 

     But your living in a dream world if you think you will just one day find a "global, open, honest, and all the other things you wrote" because,  to begin with adoption is deception, and it all goes downhill from there.  Because the focus falls off the child and goes to the lucrativness of a commodity.

    You may be experiencing "joy and happiness" yourself.  But I noticed you started out talking about how much a "child" suffers.  You take baby steps and describe how much the child misses out on and then you tell of your own joy. 


    I am wondering as your adopted children grow up, if they will feel a sense of loss, despair, grief, concern, emptiness over being adopted.  Will your "joy" overshadow their feelings?

    Talking to Me?

    You may be experiencing "joy and happiness" yourself.  But I noticed you started out talking about how much a "child" suffers.  You take baby steps and describe how much the child misses out on and then you tell of your own joy.

    I'm not sure if your questions were directed at me.  I posted an article, quoted the source, and included the link.  None of the words are mine.  Perhaps you could direct your questions at the author of the article.

    I am wondering as your adopted children grow up, if they will feel a sense of loss, despair, grief, concern, emptiness over being adopted.  Will your "joy" overshadow their feelings?

    If you're asking me, my children felt a sense of loss, despair, grief, concern, and emptiness at being neglected, abandoned, and/or abused by their biological parent(s) long before they were adopted as older children out of foster care.  Adoption is not a panacea and did not cure them of their loss, grief, and pain, but it certainly didn't cause them either.

    But by all means, continue to blame adoption for their pain and completely ignore the abuse and/or neglect that preceded it.  It makes no sense to me but must serve some purpose for you.


    Frying pan/fire

    Who knows what the acquired children will feel when they are adults, after a life of abuse, then whatever experiences in the foster system, to be placed with more strangers. No doubt they have had the nauseating "lucky you" speech shoved down their throats, in the service of making people other than themselves "happy". If not by adoptive parents than certainly others.

    This is just the way our culture is towards people who have been adopted.

    Good points! I also wonder

    Good points!

    I also wonder how many other abuse victims get "lucky you" speeches from non-adoptive parents (for example, did Fritzl tell the daughter he kept raping and the sons and daughters he got her pregnant with "at least you're with your real family"?)?

    Many other families come forward ...



    What are modern-day PAP's expecting?

    The lawsuit, still under way in a Michigan federal court, accuses Bethany of negligence and fraud, alleging that the agency falsely portrayed Roman as a healthy child with a prognosis for normal development.

    Bethany declined to comment on the specifics of the case, citing confidentiality laws.

    I can't speak for my AP's, and heaven knows they never really liked to discuss my adoption openly with me, but based upon their own closet racism and bigotry, and years of listening to ridiculous preconceived ideas about country origins and people, I learned (foreign) adoption provides healthy babies for those who can not produce, themselves... and foreign countries like Russia, Romania have the sort of babies America does not have (you know, white, healthy and hard-working). 

    Of course, I have had my share of over-heard whispered conversations among adults discussing the virtues and advantages of adopting an Asian child.... "You know how smart those chinks can be, and they really do make cute babies."  Still, my previous owners were lucky.  They had the money and the means, and they got what they wanted:   a strong healthy white child... an uncomplicated, healthy pregnancy... parents who were well-educated, and far far away, and not identified.  I was the model adopted child and it  was up to me to live-up to their great expectations.  Oh, if only I didn't complain.... if only I didn't get so emotional... things could have been so damn perfect.... for them, not me.

    The Closed Era of adoption helped sell and solidify the belief that all adopted children are strong and healthy - 'without significant problem' - and this sales-pitch helped make the adoption industry what it is today...a thriving international business.  But look at the ways in which so many so-called adoptable children were obtained.  THEY WERE STOLEN or they were taken away, through coercion or bullying through the church.   Read about baby brokers and maternity homes and look closely at some of these adoption agencies that provided children for people desperate to become a parent -- or, at the very least, desperate to adhere to the social more that says in order to be a success, one must be married and with children.   Given the right agency, the right contacts, the right amount of money, a perfect  healthy white baby could be had; all a PAP had to do was provide the cash... and wait.   The Closed Era of Adoption helps illustrate how, even within child placement/protection services, money speaks, and damn it, hungry adoption agencies like to deliver, especially if their financially approved and cleared client is "desperate to be".

    In that sense, very little has changed.... adoption agencies work to serve the paying clients, and if money is being paid, a product (child) WILL be found.  It's just as easy today to falsify documents and omit relevant facts as it was 50 years ago... and it's my guess if you're adopting a foreign child, you can count on missing facts -- facts  that will matter much more after the trade has been completed.  What HAS changed is the diet, lifestyle, and "choices" available to pregnant females, all over the world.  Gone are the days where the biggest health-risk to an unborn child is emotional stress, cigarette smoke and alcohol.   Gone are the days that the worst drug you could take is pot or cocaine.  There are messed-up people doing messed-up things... for a variety of reasons.  There are also environmental factors people fail to consider -- mercury, lead, industrial pollution.... but let's pretend ALL adoptable children, unless otherwise noted by a physician, are "normal" and "healthy", and without serious pre-existing condition.

    This is where I start thinking:  why DO so many Americans go to foreign countries to adopt children?  Is it because they think poverty-stricken regions = less drug addicted babies and less drug-related deformities/complications?  Is it because a child born to an alcoholic Russian is better than a child born to a crack-head American?  Is it because Americans do NOT want to adopt adoptable American children because they fear the damage that comes with American-sized failure?  Is it because (foreign) babies are easier (quicker) to obtain... making it much better for the person desperate to join a mommy-and-me group?

    Do PAP's honestly think the babies in foreign orphanages are like the ones found 40-50 years ago?  Do they honestly think only the healthiest and cutest are made available and all  the "imperfects" are tucked away at special schools/institutions?  Not anymore!  But if you were to read articles about boo-hooing AP's "shocked" and "surprised" at how terrible their adoptees are.... you'd think they never once considered the child for-sale will be less than perfect, and fraught with all sorts of obvious and hidden problems. 

    Now let me clarify here... over the years I have been greatly humbled by some amazingly loving and generous AP's... I am in awe of those who adopt because they have an enormous amount of love and patience to give.  However, it cannot be said enough times, not all AP's ARE generous, loving, patient people.  Many are self-serving idiots who think adopting a child is like ordering a pair of shoes from an LL Bean catalog.   "It (the child/shoes) completes the look".   They expect quality and a great fit, without giving any real thought what takes place between conception and final delivery.  Many fail to see how the demand for healthy babies is making a mess out of so many families and human beings.  Many fail to see the healthiest children are usually coerced or stolen, and the more "difficult cases" are the ones a charity/governments can't wait to get rid of because proper care is far too costly and extensive.   Many fail to remember "environment" begins well before birth, and environment molds and matters, especially when you're considering future growth and development.  Most of all, far too many see parenting as  a human-right and far too many fail to see adoption is about serving children who have been put through hell, not the adults who want "play parent" for a few years. 

    I'm tired of the boo-hooing and excuses given by AP's.  I'm tired of them feeling entitled to perfectly happy little orphans, and I'm tired of the complaints that begin with "We didn't know."   Are PAP's really that trusting and naive?  Is the fog made by the adoption industry so thick even smart people lose the ability to see and think clearly?!?  Do PAP's honestly believe even if an adoption agency that touts itself as "Christian", workers getting paid by the head will not lie or cheat?  [Does the Bible not warn us to watch out for false prophets and those who work to deceive?]

    This may seem crazy but, in some ways I wish all adoption agencies advertized their adoptable inventory as "retarded idiots, incapable of becoming more than feeding sloths"... at least then we could see who adopts for the sake of the child, and who adopts for the sake of personal ego/pride and superficial interest.  Then again, for the sexually abusive adult, having an idiot retard adopted child would indeed be an adoption blessing.... the kind that gives, without complaint or question.

    Expectations of white paps

    It's worth asking, specifically, why so many white PAPs go overseas for their trophies and why they believe they are entitled to get whatever they see.

    Also worth it to ask if they don't get preferential treatment in ICA due to perceived class status outside the dollar amount sitting in that bank account they think everyone wants.

    Motivations to go abroad

    While class and race certainly play an important role, I am not sure if it actually is the primary motivator to go overseas for adoption.

    It is impossible to list all reasons people have to adopt, but I do see two broad categories among the people that adopt overseas:

    • those that have considered domestic infant adoption;
    • those that went for foreign adoption without looking for domestic alternatives.

    Having followed many forums and blogs about adoption, I have come to see the first group choosing for foreign adoption for the following reasons:

    • In domestic infant adoption, nowadays, relinquishing mothers often make the choice which family to place their child with. Many PAP's don't like the lack of control over the procedure and therefore opt out of it;
    • Most domestic infant adoptions, nowadays, are semi-open. Many PAPs prefer the mother to be poor and living on the other side of the world so the chance she will one day be on their doorsteps is minimal;
    • The risk the relinquishing mother will change her mind once the baby is born. In foreign countries where the level of coercion is likely to much larger, relinquishing mothers are less likely to change their mind;
    • Long waiting lists and waiting times in domestic infant adoption, especially for those adopters that are less likely to be chosen by a relinquishing mother (eg. due to age, being single, or general creepiness);
    • Domestic infant adoptions can be very expensive. Medical cost and housing are often provided for relinquishing mothers, and unknown sums of money are paid under the table to adoption attorneys.
    • Demographics. Relinquishment is not equally spread among the American population. Among teen girls relinquishing their baby, a disproportionate number is from upper-middle class Christian families. Those babies are usually placed through Christian agencies with Christian families. Non-religious people, or people having a religion that does not lock the placement market, have relatively little chance to successfully acquire a child from the domestic infant adoption market.

    Demographics has always played an important, but often overlooked role in adoption. In the early 1950's there was a trafficking ring, illegally moving children from Quebec to the state of New York. The main reason was that Jewish families had no access to the New York adoption market, which was mostly locked by Catholic charities at the time.

    The Jewish community itself didn't generate enough adoptable infants to balance the demand for babies in the Jewish community. The Catholic community on the other hand produced more adoptable infants than the demand in the State of New York, so babies were moved to other states. Jewish couples in early 1950's New York weren't allowed to adopt through Catholic charities, and many didn't want to adopt Catholic babies, demanding Jewish babies.

    Quebec at the time, like the State of New York had a surplus of Catholic babies, and some elements within the Quebecois community started selling Catholic babies as if they were Jewish to Jewish couples from New York. So even while there was a surplus of adoptable children in the state of New York, some people went abroad because of demographic reasons.

    Once the choice is made to go foreign, racial and class motivation can easily start playing a role in what country to adopt from. Russia, Ukraine and Bulgaria now play the role Germany, Austria and Greece played in the 1950's: delivering white children for the American and European adoption market. There has not been any study done into the purchasing pattern of PAP's that considered domestic adoption first, but my wild guess is that they have a preference for children that are more similar to them than PAP's that choose foreign adoption without considering domestic adoption.

    The broad group of people choosing foreign adoption without considering domestic adoption has strong religious overtones, though not exclusively so. Among this group racial dissimilarity seems to play a role into the decision to adopt. The Holt's are generally considered to be the first to start conducting trans-racial foreign adoptions. Their motivation was strongly connected to their religiosity, just like Ethiopian adoption nowadays is strongly connected to religiosity. That is not to say that only the very religious adopt from "exotic" countries. It seems contact with foreign countries is more predictive for setting up adoption business with those countries than anything else.

    This explains adoption from Russia, which is dominated by Russians who moved to the US, as well as adoption from Africa, Latin America and Asia, which is dominated by missionaries returning to the US.

    The overwhelming presence of evangelical adoption agencies in Ethiopia can easily be explained by the presence of evangelical missionaries in Ethiopia. Who else than religiously motivated people go to places like that? Certainly there are business people going to third world countries, but they usually live separate from the local population, either in hotels or expat communities. Among the few actually in contact with the local populace are charity workers, many of which have religious motivations to do their work.

    This also explains the relatively high ratio of celebrities adopting from foreign countries. Among many other possible motivations, they are often recruited by charitable organizations to travel to third world countries, which puts them in contact, even though briefly, with local problems in third world countries.

    It is interesting to note that many of the children placed from third world countries are not placed with infertile couples, but with families that already have children. This is certainly not always the case, but I believe it is more so the case than with children placed through domestic infant adoption and adoption from "white" countries.

    In all of this, I have completely ignored adoption from foster care, which seems to be an entirely different playing field. Despite all calls for adoption from foster care, it seems as if many of the people considering domestic infant adoption or foreign adoption, don't consider adoption from foster care at all.

    In either case there can be a rational explanation for that. The people that considered domestic infant adoption and went abroad are mainly motivated to acquire a healthy infant. Most children in the American forster care system are not infants, and most are considered to have mental health issues, even though that is exaggerated. Most of all, the majority of children in the American foster care system are black.

    Among the group that never considered domestic infant adoption, but feels compelled to adopt from foreign countries, we have already seen that religious motivation plays a large role. One of the central tenets of many religious groups in the US is the ancient notion of deserving poor. Americans that are poor, are considered to be poor not because of inequality in opportunities, misfortune, or other external causes, but because they are stupid and lazy. In more Calvinist circles (which are quite abundant in American Evangelism), there furthermore is the notion of predestinations, making it God's will that poor people are poor and rich people are rich.

    Somehow this notion of deserving poor doesn't seem to apply as much to foreign countries, so children from Ethiopia as products of misfortune are considered more deserving to be saved, than black American children, who are more likely to be considered products of stupidity and laziness.

    On top of that. It's likely that those that want to "save" children, expect foreign children to be more grateful than children from the American foster care system. The latter group already lives in "the greatest nation on earth", so gains less by being adopted than children that live in one of the "lesser nations on earth". Since gratitude is the currency that pays for the act of saving, adopting a child from the American foster care system is a bad investment for those that seek "sainthood".

    I certainly have missed many reasons for people to go overseas to adopt, but I do hope I managed to put some reasons in perspective. I didn't address the entitlement aspect, but hopefully someone else will pick up on that.

    Rational explanations for irrational thinking

    There is nothing rational about bigotry and the whites-first mentality upon which the US, Canada, and any other former Euro/white settler nation is built on.

    It's not simply logistics, which is really just framework for a rigged game in which white families are supposedly better than the rest.

    All social norms in this country are still based on that idea, though ours isn't the only one, obviously. Calvinism certainly does not help matters, as it's a form of Christianity tailor made by and for white bigots, though many of us who are not white or not Christian certainly have become snared in its effects.

    Would Ethiopian kids, for the sake of argument, fare better in Black-headed households? Definitely, insofar as they'd learn in no uncertain terms how to be a dark person in this hemisphere and thrive. Culturally? That's doubtful as any other ICA. But then, a different set of expectations is placed on Black parents, whether natural or not. The first expectation is that of failure, though nobody's preconceived ideas really bear this out. Tha'ts what I mean by a rigged game. I've no doubt plenty of white parents use that to their advantage and don't mind its perpetuation so long as it benefits them; whether on purpose or not is irrelevant. This is how white supremacy works in countries like ours.

    O/T, but not really...

    I like reading your responses, especially when you share more personal experiences.  One of the most thought-provoking memorable descriptive statements you made went like this: 

    So there is that assimilation/accomodation/whites-r-best ideal, that makes nonwhite parents somehow "suitable"....sure, move to Klansville with the kid, be a "pioneer" for The Race. Yay. Fantastic idea.

    So the pressure to be the non-existent perfect family was x to the n'th power. Of course if some appearance of perfection faltered, guess who's fault that was. I know you know that route all too well.  [From:  "Yeah, I can relate to that ]

    It saddens me knowing you had "Pioneering Parents"... the implications are huge and I can't imagine any of it being easy, especially when regular average run-of-the-mill adoption issues surround and wrap the experience.  But just for a moment, let's take the race-card out of the adoption-deal... let's focus on those people who feel like they MUST measure-up to some pre-ordained, pre-prescribed ideal.... let's focus on those who live according to a mental check-list of accomplishments that prove, somehow, "I am important, I have value."

    Let's focus on the many many folks who adopt for all the wrong reasons.  Who ARE these people?

    If you ask me, I will tell you they are insecure individuals from (more than likely) brow-raising back-grounds, longing for love and acceptance; they want to fit-in; they want to be "just like the others"... they are the ultimate wanna-bes, afraid to admit something is wrong... something is missing.  They collect/buy children because they don't want to be excluded from the circles that seem to have and get it all.  They collect/buy children because they want the attention... the congratulations... the praise that elevates and says, "WOW, you really ARE something!"  [You are not a reject loser; a failure/disappointment, as expected.]

    Oh, if only parenting was as easy as it reads and looks as it does in a book or magazine.  If only parenting wasn't as real (spelled:  difficult) as it truly is.  If only parenting didn't present the sort of situations that prompt a person to ask, "Who is at fault?"  [Who,what,where is the problem?... where/where did the problem begin?]

    Ego-centric people obsessed with image are not capable of seeing their own faults, or wrong-doings.... they are incapable of seeing how their own actions/inactions bring serious consequence.  If something goes wrong, it's the other person's fault/problem, freeing the deluded narcissistic individual/couple from any personal responsibility or blame.

    MC, one thing your slowly unraveling story shows me is how damaging the insecure (needy for social approval) parent(s) can be to a child - adopted or not.   The more I hear/read from abused adoptees, the more I'm inclined to believe people pretending to be something they are not are much more likely to take their frustration (sense of failure) out on the adopted children -- the children who were supposed to make everything "right" and dare I suggest, "perfect".

    Sad, isn't it?


    Race card stays in, so long as whites-rule = the norm

    My story, feh. It makes me very tired.

    All I can say is, don't be sad for me because I had pioneering parents; this is just what Black middle class people DO. It's in our bones, regardless of our circumstances of birth or other familial status. Our country's entire economic history is founded on the breakup of birth families, for someone else's monetary gain. Forced assimilation and cultural death if one is Native. We freed slaves and reformed savages are the original bastards in the US.

    So, I can't take race out of the equation any more than you can, nor should anyone be asked tp. It's foundational to why I ended up where I did, why Korean and Vietnamese and Chinese and Ethiopian and Guatemalan and Russian and and and children end up where they do. Hooray, all aboard the grateful train.

    Add our society's heinous history of disability-shunning to the picture (also has a solid theological basis) and ask people with so-called "special needs" to the adoption/salvation/redemption/deliverance/Carrie horror show to theoretically remove their disabilities from the equation. There's really no way around it. The game is still rigged towards certain people and against others.

    The more I hear/read from abused adoptees, the more I'm inclined to believe people pretending to be something they are not are much more likely to take their frustration (sense of failure) out on the adopted children -- the children who were supposed to make everything "right" and dare I suggest, "perfect".

    Sad, isn't it?

    Yeah, we get put up to a job we never even filled out the application for. When their expectations invariably fail, it's our fault. I think that's why I can relate to precious Artyom. He is so cute.

    What's also sad to me is the delusion that perpetuating the cycle is somehow going to break it.

    But good luck getting people of any stripe to take personal responsibility for their sexuality and quit f'ing like feckless rabbits, adding to the world's misery once every 45 seconds.

    Anthem for f'ed up parents, the world over. Basement Jaxx and Lisa Kekaula did a good job with this one.


    That's pretty

    That's pretty comprehensive!

    "I certainly have missed many reasons for people to go overseas to adopt"

    I wonder how you'd count it when an immigrant goes overseas back to or near the country he or she came from to adopt (like born in India then moved to the Netherlands then adopts from India, or born in Taiwan then moved to the U.S. then adopts from China). They probably have a bunch of the same reasons in common with other overseas adopters...

    "Is it because (foreign)

    "Is it because (foreign) babies are easier (quicker) to obtain... making it much better for the person desperate to join a mommy-and-me group?"

    I heard that's why some Europeans adopt American infants instead of considering European toddlers in foster care:

    "I'm tired of the boo-hooing and excuses given by AP's. I'm tired of them feeling entitled to perfectly happy little orphans, and I'm tired of the complaints that begin with 'We didn't know.'"

    I hear ya! It's sickening when it comes from an AP, and it's sickening when it comes from a bioparent too (one of a ton of examples: the Tiger Moms and Tiger Dads who take it out on the kids when they get regular kids out of their eggs and sperm instead of music-math prodigies academic enough to not sink below #2 in class rank and autistic enough to not make friends to want to spend time with).


    Wonder who is paying for Cumberland RTC center..... and if you want to get sicker, Cumberland Hospital is an RTC owned by a program called PSI that is a stock traded company... most of the children living in those places are foster kids so stock holders are getting rich off of sick children....

    I think parents who sue adoption agencies are sick; more sick and way more messed up that the women that just sent the kid back...

    no that 8 year old will be pumped full of drugs, treated badly, and never have a home :(.... who was the bad person here?



    and why are all these kids dx with RAD a bogus dx

    Do the math...

     it's not bogus if people are buying into it.... swearing by it, like it's the only answer, the only truth.

    For many years I believed I had RAD... then I discussed my fears, anxieties and triggers with a therapist (and very good trusted friends) who took the time to help me put 2 and 2 together.  While many of my behaviors can and could have been seen as RAD-like, most of them reflect(ed) actions/reactions experienced by a person with unresolved rage, a profound sense of mistrust, and PTSD.

    As far as I'm concerned, trauma affects people differently... and yes, even the best adoption-story starts with a traumatic that needs to be resolved and grieved.  Some react to trauma/loss the way they do because the traumatic event is not limited to a singular event; physical and emotional loss/trauma has been on-going and sustained.  Others react to trauma/loss the way they do because they have an underlying condition, like schizophrenia or FAS.  If you think about it, using RAD as a diagnosis is easy -- it's easy because it relieves people from the hard difficult serious work that goes with an in-depth investigation that may take many years to unravel and (re)solve. 

    I see the RAD community, (owned and operated by "adoption specialists", paid thousands of dollars to rehabilitate children with incomplete/unknown histories), as being the real-life example of the infamous(?) line in Field of Dreams:  "If you build it, he will come".

    The RAD diagnosis may bring comfort and absolution to many... but one should take the time to question how/the way in which victims of severe trauma/neglect are and should be treated.


    Hello, hello. I take it A.P. is Adoptive Parents, but can someone tell me what P.A.P. stands for? Thanks.


    P.A.P. stands for prospective adoptive parent, the people that want to become adoptive parents.

    US Mother Returns Adopted Russian Boy like Pair of Shoes

    As an adoptive mother myself and also foster mother to three boys who are now adults and on their own, I am wondering is the boy's adopted mother mentally ill or just a snob who when she decided to adopt him it , or was it just to look good to her family, friends and her community?. It is just beyond my comprehension, how can anyone return a child?, and to make it worse she sent him back to a country where he had no connections and he couldn't even speak the language. What is wrong with her?. How would she like to be sent to a country where she did not know anyone, did not understand anyone, and did not have any resources. Didn't she first adopt this child because of the horrific conditions in the orphanage? how could she send him back after giving him a better life, when he probably didn't even remember his previous life. This adopted "mother" is a monster and does not have any motherly instints. I really hope that in this case that "What Goes Around really Comes Around. My name is Lidia and right now I am a disgusted Human Being. I am also a Mother to an almost 27 yr old men whom came to live with us when he was eleven and was adopted when he turned 12. People are not returnable or exchangable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Victims of a system

    I will meet your human disgust, and raise you a repulsion or two....  <smirk>

    Aside from the offensive 'Return to Sender' Routine we see in cases like this, there is the often under-mentioned role of the adoption agency, and the many ways in which children are failed by more than just the AP's who has limited understanding of and preparation for the child/children who have known little more than institutional living, neglect, and abuse.

    Their adoptive parents had simply had enough. They said the boys were children from hell, violent and emotionally disturbed. Unwilling and unable to fit in, they were destroying the lives of their adoptive families.

    Adoptions are not meant to be dissolved like mistaken marriages, and under a United Nations treaty protecting children, they cannot be. But legal loopholes in both Hungary and the United States, neither of which has signed the treaty, means that canceling the two boys' adoptions was no more difficult than an average divorce.

    The two boys are now back in foster care, but Hungarian officials say the case has revealed the dark side of Hungary's adoption system, which does not properly prepare or screen prospective parents and which they suspect is riddled with bribery, corruption and even baby- selling schemes.

    [From:  Two Adoptions End in Return to Sender Unwanted Children , 1998 ]

    When those involved with an adoption-plan have very little understanding of all that goes with abandonment, neglect, abuse, and adoption (and ALL the adaptation the child must do), how can 10 hours or a few required 'contact hours' of parenting education classes prepare and help educate those who will be caring for these young victims?  [See:  PAP Classes, and following comments, for more....]

    That's what these adopted children are:  victims of a system. 

    The question is, how are those in Adoptionland responding to the needs of the parents and children?

    Not all that well, as some of these cases reveal.  [See our Disruption Cases, and how some parents choose to treat their 'difficult' adopted children, with discipline and 'therapy', as I present in my posts Do the terms RAD and Attachment Disorder mean anything to you?Abuse and power: is this Attachment Therapy?  and Holding Therapy, Autism-Spectrum, and Child Behavior

    It's heart-sickening children are not treated better by those who seek training from 'adoption specialists', isn't it?

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