My Kidnapping

My kidnapping.

I remember after I left the RTC that I was placed in, a staff worker's friend took a particular interest in me. He always seemed to be interested in me and how I was doing. Seemed like a cool guy. Some of his proclivities always had my guard up. (I made the assumption he was gay based on some of his outward suggestions).

One day out of the blue, right after my 17th birthday, he called me up. "Hey man! I am headed to Florida, check out some chicks! Wanna go!?!?" What horny, 17 year old suffering from R.A.D. say???? No? Of course not! Some fun, some sun and some women! (If I was lucky, perhaps a few beers). I told my parents about the trip, and my parents spoke to my friend and even they thought he was ok.

The trap had been set.

Next day, I took a bus up to Cleveland, Ohio where I met my old friend from RTC and stayed at his place. The next day "Max" (Edited for privacy) picked me up. We talked about all kinds of different things, how much fun we were going to have, the women we were gonna meet. I was so excited to be hangin' out with an older guy (A brother like figure to me) talking about real guy stuff. I was so excited!!

We got to his house and immediately trouble began. Max's house was really nice. He led me to my guest room (Which was nothing more than a mattress on the floor, TV a few windows and a T.V. He closed the door after I got comfortable, hanging out, watching T.V. A few minutes later he knocks on the door. Before I could get up and open the door, he was already inside. He immediately started wrestling with me, which I took as just guy play.

This person was extremely strong, almost animal like strong. While I was held down, he grabbed the remote next to me and starting playing some gay porn. I was instantly terrified. What do I do? Reader's must remember I was a TINY kid. This person easily weighed 270 pounds. He said:

"Doesn't that look like fun??!?!". No, it doesn't actually look like fun at all, I retorted. I was frozen, I was terrified. Was I going to be raped? Was I going to be killed? I just didn't' know.
He looked right at me as if to say "Your not going anywhere". Instead of raping me, however, he simply got up and left the room. Still kind of shocked over this whole event, I looked for a phone.

No phone in this room. I literally was scared to the point where I couldn't move. I just sat there.

Pretty soon, it was time to leave for Cleveland. This person already shown that he had strength over me and could control me if he really wanted to, and had declared what he wanted to do with me.

We got into his car (I should have run, or bit him or something) and we drove and drove and drove. All he did was talk about giving me a blowjob, me giving him a blowjob and how fun it could be to have sex with him. It was kind of odd, he was almost begging him to giving a handjob on this ride. We literally didn't stop until we were somewhere in Georgia. This later, I conclude was to keep me from phoning anyone and I can't run in a car going 70 miles an hour.

That night was pretty scary. There was only one bed in this hotel room and considering this person in my mind was still a friend (Can we say RAD) and considering his strength and demeanour I dared not move. He demanded that I sleep in the bed with him.

My thinking was this. If I didn't he might really hurt me or leave me stranded with no money in the middle of no where. This is where the friend part kind of faded fast. The entire night he kept grabbing my crotch, silently. Any every time, I had to take his hand off of me and put it somewhere else. Relentlessly he kept grabbing me. This happened for roughly 4 hours. It was pure hell.

Before long, it was morning, and I wasn't raped and it was time to move out. No time for anything. Breakfast was on the road. We ended up in Florida a few hours later. Finally, I could get onto the beach flag someone down, something.

That wasn't to be.

We arrived in Florida in the middle of the night. Instead of hanging out as this person promised, we went right to his room (Which of course, was yet again a one bedroom suite). This time, there was no denying what he wanted. He said "Come to bed with me". This time I was ready to fight to the death. "No, I won't". He went from friend to really pissed off person. He told me to sleep on the couch. I was fine with that. In the morning, I would make my escape.

The morning soon rose. "Let's hit the beach" he said. "Good, I thought, surely there would be a cop there." Of course, however he followed me. Once again, I had to be on good behavior. I didn't know what this person was capable of.

We were on the beach for 15 minutes before he said "We have to go...". Remember readers, i was confused, terrified, let down. I had no money and I felt stranded and alone. I had no choice. We went straight from the Florida coastline to the steamy inland of Ocala, Florida. Finally, he let me call my dad. There was one stipulation. He was to be right there when I made the call.

"I'm ok dad, thanks", was pretty much the entire conversation (if I remember correctly) so my parents thought I was with a legitimate friend. We stayed in Ocala for one day.

We finally ended up in S.C. where "Max"continued his sexual banter almost 24 hours a day. We stayed with his cousin and his girlfriend "Red". The first thing that happened when I walked in and sat down, "Red" put her arms around me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "What the hell is going on here?!?! I thought. She was a beautiful woman yes, but what was going on here?" I kept asking myself.

The next day "Max" said, "Red wants to fuck you, and you can have her if you give me a blowjob". I wanted to puke right there, but there was this odd disconnect that I felt. Now "Max was playing into my disturbed side. There was no way that was going to happen. I said "Oh come on now man, she's with your cousin, no way she would do it with me!!" I said, smiling. This little ruse seemed to knock some of the steam out of the argument.

The next day was the final straw. I write this to educate those around to me as to the reality of the situation. I haven't SPOKEN of this to ANYONE. I haven't been able to repeat these words in over 16 years. I choose to do it now in hopes to let go of the event and to help another that has gone through the same thing. You arent' alone in your struggles, I have been there.

He walked into the living room and said "Wouldn't it be cool if I gave you blowjob?!?" "Not really, no" I said, not looking at him, totally disgusted. **This is where it get's graphic, you have been warned. This is so hard for me to repeat..I haven't repeated in 16 years.

He said "I really want to taste your cum, tell you what...Why don't you jerk off on a pillow and I can taste it that way." I literally wanted to puke. What was I into?? How did I get here..what was going on. He of course offered this with the promise of some money to buy something I really wanted.

That was the breaking point. That night, I called my dad this was the conversation (bear in mind, as usual "Max" was right by the phone:

Me: Hey dad, whats going on??
Dad: You ok son?
Me: Mom is sick, really?
Dad: Mike is something wrong?? If there is keep talking about mom
Me: Mom is sick? Whats wrong with her, do I need to get home??
Dad: Mike, are you still in SC?
Me: Is mom going to be ok, I need to come home don't I?
Dad: Keep talking to me, whats your address????
Dad: Tell "Max" to get on the phone.

After this, "Max" was very physically distressed. His game was up, he was caught and he knew it. He told my dad that he would bring me home asap.

After he put the phone down, he said to me "You know, sometimes, sons and dad's have a secret message that something wasn't right." "Is that what is going on?.

I was a dead kid. He was going to kill me right then and there. He got really antsy, and he got really agitated. "Your out of your fucking mind man, why would I do that, your cool" I said. I am a VERY good actor and he bought it. (Can we say R.A.D. again?)

I was finally reunited with my adoptive parents. I was so physically ill, I had to say something. I told my parents what happened. Sort of. I didn't go into alot of detail. They took me a counselor and I was so sick and exhausted (And horrified as to what happened) I really couldn't say much. What was I gonna say, some guy wanted to lick my semen off of a pillow? He grabbed me in the middle of the night for weeks on end?

The police said they couldn't press any charges because serious laws hadn't been broken and finding this person would be very hard considering how much this person moved around. Nothing.



situations that are dangerous...

As a female I can not relate to this specifically, but can hear what it was like for you and understand.  Getting into situations that are dangerous was a way of life for me... wanting to believe this time it would be different and the person would not use me; they always used me.
Knowing to lay still and take what was happening because if I refused or made a negative remark or a sudden move to get free would mean something really bad was going to happen; better to just do it and then find the first chance to get out of there.  I did this over and over, never learning much.
What I hear you saying is that you learned to not protest too much in order to avoid something really painful or dangerous happening to you.  I'm amazed you weren't raped by all of them.  Is there more to this story than you are able to tell right now?
I know the humiliation of being controlled; which is what that guy did to you.  Even if there was no real sex, he was getting off on controlling you.  Sometimes it's not about sex, but the damn control HIGH people get and want.
I hear your terror. I've felt your terror.  But for me, I learned to dissociate myself and survive; always going right back into another situation where I allow another person to control me.  Can we say RAD?
Were there other times you found yourself in such situations?  Mine was a compulsion to be hurt because I didn't deserve anything better.  Why did you really go?

What did I ever do to deserve this... Teddy

Yes, I found myself many

Yes, I found myself many times getting myself into situations that were extremely dangerous simply because the word happiness and I didn't associate very well.  I flirted with danger as a way to express alot of anger in my life. As for some underlying motivation to go to Florida. That's a pretty simple equation (With no underlying motive)

  One horny guy


" The very survival mechanics RAD Adult's use to survive slowly kill them" M.S.

Calling Mom and Dad

The notion of calling mom and dad when I found myself in trouble REALLY made me laugh!!!

I was more of a lead-with-candy sorta chick.

I never followed unless I was given a treat, first.

Alcohol, pot, coke, pills, a little "something" to slip under my tongue.... after all, by the time I was 17, I wasn't stupid.  Unfortunately, it took me a long time to realize the sick twist to Bait and Switch and, "doesn't that feel good?"


There was never a time when I could/would have called on my mom or dad for anything; knowing I would hear:  you reap what you sow, dear...  with a smug look of all-knowing on their faces.
The time I went to my mother and told her about her wretch of a brother and how he had hounded me for years for sex (which I did NOT comply at all), she went to my dad and this is what she came back and told me:  "Your dad says you probably egged-him-on; you asked for it so just don't make a fuss because he (brother) is all I have left!  ONE and ONLY time...  I learned a dear lesson.  And when I was four and went to my mother and told her of my dad's abuse of me, she went off the deep end and rejected me; I paid for years for that mistake.  And yet, at age 16 I gave it one more try because I was so sick of it!  Being put in your place at your most vulnerable low is life changing.
 MIKE:   Do you have a diagnosis of RAD?  Were you on medication?  What is your relationship to your mom and dad now?

What did I ever do to deserve this... Teddy

I was on every medication

I was on every medication under the sun, and nothing really helped me. I was diagnosed with R.A.D at an RTC I was in along with a social agency here in Ohio, later in my life. I have a massive blog about my life with RAD over at Blogspot, I don't want to spam this site with my blog address, so if you want to email me, I can give you the address. My email is:

" The very survival mechanics RAD Adult's use to survive slowly kill them" M.S.

So you went to a RTC, and

So you went to a RTC, and after you got out, you hooked-up with the wrong crowd. It happens. Pervs can smell the vulnerable a mile away, but you can't teach this to kids. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do until it's safe to get out. (Can we say survival?) How old are you now? Who told you have RAD?

Logic (in crisis)

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do until it's safe to get out. (Can we say survival?)

I agree... for those who have been forced, face-down with ass-in-the-air, (and threatened "...or else")... compliance does indeed seem to be the logical response... the response that leads a victim towards "freedom" and "safety".

Ironically, non-compliance works just as well:  "You want a fight?  I will not fight.  I will remain passive... (that way you will look like an ass for hurting me... just in case someone with half-a-brain is watching, and seeing what's really taking place)."  Reverse psychology.

Cute tactic, isn't it?  Using logic with a perceived lunatic.

Survival of the fittest.

Sometimes it works.... meaning,  logic allows the victim to escape without being touched.  Other times, it fails.... meaning, logic allows the victim to get screwed.


I was always passive; I never fought back.  If I would have fought, would it have then been rape?  Or was it rape because I was passive and didn't want to die?

What did I ever do to deserve this... Teddy

Mike you are not RAD

check out wayward radish on word press... the real wayward radish not the fake one Ron F. put up...

RTC in almost all ways suck...

Kerry, I was watching and reading tonight about Angela Shelton (talking about child sex abuse.. and being real about it)... some real cool stuff then she had a link on her site for Linda Farkus :( and her adult RAD shit... but only one small link

I like Angela Shelton's view of therapy... save youself the money and stop telling your self you suck... you'd have to watch the stuff to see what I am saying

and Mike... I am happy your dad cared enough to get you out of the situation... many of the RAD cult parents would have not thought you were telling the truth and sent you back

Wayward was shut down :(

and the RAD cult wins again... I guess.... someday I hope they look back on all this and see how wrong they all are... :(

ways to really help


in topic message subject and write a nice letter to

[WordPress #352210]:

write nice letter about why you'd like to see waywards site stay up....

if RAD cult is so nice, why do they want all of us to shut up and go to such lengths to silence us?

Kerry, please

place the info somewhere it might get seen more... thank you I tried to log on and make a new message post... no luck...

and sorry Mike you probably have no idea what I am talking about...

trouble signing up?

If you have problems signing up please contact

I just couldn't fine my old info

I usually post anon... I did get a new account w/o problem


RAD Diagnosis

"Mike you are not RAD"?? I don't understand this at all.

Reactive Attachment Disorder of course is as always a hot topic. I don't know if saying that I didn't or do suffer from R.A.D is really fair on your part. I was diagnosed with R.A.D numous times (Both RTC and Agency) stemming from 9 foster home placements with sexual assualts in those placements during my first year of life. To suggest that I am not "R.A.D." would be kind of flying in the face of everything that I am fighting so hard to bring to light and the years of hell that I and other's endured because of this disorder.

Whether or not we have a theological difference in points of view, I am glad that the subject has come up. :-) Debating is really great, bickering, however isn't. I am glad that we are having this convo.

  Do I believe R.A.D. exists? Absolutely. I am living proof of it.

  Glad to meet everyone on the board!


" The very survival mechanics RAD Adult's use to survive slowly kill them" M.S.

Making claims

Part of the danger that exists in ALL health-care is this simple truth:  some people will make all sorts of claims, just to keep a job and generate a revenue.  [How many people in this world are treated for something that has been given a wrong diagnosis?  How many people are given a placebo, simply because "it works"?  A lot of money is made because people like to make false claims.  It happens every day.]

I do not doubt for a second, based on the RAD criteria, you fit the mold/diagnosis.  Key points being, you were removed from your mother, did not have a stable, healthy consitent, nurturing environment during the trust/mistrust stage of development, and you suffered various types of abuse.  Quick 5-cent analysis based on what the good book says, you have RAD... no questions asked.

For many of us, that presents a problem.  Medicine/healthcare, as I learned it, is not about saying what something is -- good quality health-care is about ruling things out, and proving what "it" ISN'T.

No personal attack or offense, but for many, the RAD-label simply does not stick.

In my case, I was formally diagnosed with PTSD and major depressive disorder.  You know what?  I realized after time, I could live and work with that.

No offense taken, Kerry. I

No offense taken, Kerry. I truly believe R.A.D. exists. It's my belief that if you are truly RAD, you should speak about your
experiences and empower other survivors to share their storys. Our communities deserve education on what R.A.D.
is and how horribly destructive it can be to all involved.


" The very survival mechanics RAD Adult's use to survive slowly kill them" M.S.

Gee, imagine that! A RTC/

Gee, imagine that! A RTC/ agency getting paid big money to take care of foster kids with RAD!

I have a bridge to sell, if anyone is interested.

BIGGG money

When all was said and done, my parents paid nearly 200,000 dollars for my treatement.

  I don't have 5 bucks for gas money!

" The very survival mechanics RAD Adult's use to survive slowly kill them" M.S.

how many times...

Kerry said, "  I agree... for those who have been forced, face-down with ass-in-the-air, (and threatened "...or else")..."
My heart started racing when I read this statement.  The times when I found myself in this very situation and the thoughts that went through my mind: don't breathe fast, lay still, just cooperate, pretend you are not even here, it will be over and you will live.
Many will not understand the "do not fight" stance I took, or they will say, like my mother's words, "you asked for it, now take it."
When things turn bad...  when you realize you've put yourself in another dangerous situation and you have to get through it one more time; what that does to you is this:  it justifies, in your mind that you are not worth anything more than the abuse you suffer.  Being used over and over instills in your heart that this is your lot in life.  And if by chance you grow up and want something different, you find yourself picking the very same types of people who abused you as a child.
I want to break free, and I have in some ways, yet I struggle daily with the fact that I do not trust anyone.  Anyone who gets close to me in any way soon finds out that ANYTHING can trigger me into a rage if it concerns them not telling me the whole truth (my interpretation of whole truth).
Long, long ago, a friend of mine found out about the abuse in my home (which I knew NOTHING about at the time) because I told her (I am truthful until it hurts).  Her immediate response was this:  "I know where you live and you better not hurt those children any more!"  In my mind she was my mother saying, "you sorry child!"  Can you see how that made me run and hide from this person?  But I know this person ever better now, and she knows me... and for that I am thankful because this person means the world to me, now.  I understand her response, and she understands mine.  And that's what people like us need to do HERE, be there in an understanding way for each other; being accepted even though the world would call us whack-jobs.
We speak a different language; and when someone comes along pretending to be one of us, we hear the bells ringing and the red flags waving in the wind.

What did I ever do to deserve this... Teddy

Whack job? Naw!

Either fence you stand on (Pro-RAD or Anti-RAD) doesn't mean your  whack job, you simply have a different point of view! :-) And I respect that point of view!


" The very survival mechanics RAD Adult's use to survive slowly kill them" M.S.

Survival is right, I didn't

Survival is right, I didn't know what was going to happen until I got out out the situation completely. It was very odd in many regards. It was a cold kind of detachment I felt during those last hours on the way home.

  "Was this person gonna kill me and dump me off on the side of the road?" I had no clue.

  Very, very scary stuff.


" The very survival mechanics RAD Adult's use to survive slowly kill them" M.S.

Kidnapping aside...

I'm curious... what got you put into the RTC, in the first place... and how/what did you feel back then?

Dear Kerry,  I was placed

Dear Kerry,

  I was placed in the RTC I was at because of the following:


  • Suicidal Ideations and Attempts
  • Multiple Animal killings
  • Self cutting
  • Depression
  • Stealing
  • Constant Rages
  • Sex abuse issues
  • Fantasies of death and gore (I almost killed my brother, held a kitchen knife to my dad)

  How did I feel back then?  Thats really simple. All the way into my late 20's....All I wanted to do was watch the world burn.


" The very survival mechanics RAD Adult's use to survive slowly kill them" M.S.

my suggestions

check out Angela Shelton's movie and Wayward Radish's blog....

write Linda Rosa and Jean Mercer of Children in Therapy......

get there take on RAD.... I am sure you have your issues and I really don't mean to come off harsh... but RAD is used to make it out as all kids from foster and adoptive homes are TRASH... that you all will never be any good... and many cons of the RAD cult get rich off of this crap....

sexual abuse issues along can call all of the above.... all of them....

I have done both

 both resources are listed :-)

" The very survival mechanics RAD Adult's use to survive slowly kill them" M.S.

Pound Pup Legacy