Sexual Abuse - Sibling

By:  Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD

What is sibling sexual abuse? Like all forms of sexual abuse, sibling sexual abuse is an abuse of power. If a more powerful or stronger sibling, bribes or threatens a weaker sibling to engage in sexual activity—albeit the aggressor might be younger—it is sexual abuse. It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the victim; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the victim's expense.

"Incest is both sexual abuse and an abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force. Another is using the victim, treating them in a way that they do not want or in a way that is not appropriate by a person with whom a different relationship is required. It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the child; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the child's expense. If the experience has sexual meaning for another person, in lieu of a nurturing purpose for the benefit of the child, it is abuse. If it is unwanted or inappropriate for her age or the relationship, it is abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] can occur through words, sounds, or even exposure of the child to sights or acts that are sexual but do not involve her. If she is forced to see what she does not want to see, for instance, by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced into an experience that is sexual in content or overtone that is abuse. As long as the child is induced into sexual activity with someone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through the perpetrator’s age, size, status, or relationship, the act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated." (E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors).

The aggressor usually reinforces the sibling trust of the targeted victim, and then violates that trust in order to commit the abuse. The aggressor may use force, the threat of force, bribery, the offer of special attention, or a gift to make the victim keep the abuse secret.

In sibling sexual abuse, the victim and the abuser are siblings, half-siblings, step-siblings or siblings by adoption. As in other forms of sexual abuse, sibling sexual abuse does not involve sexual touching. The aggressor may force two or more children to engage in sexual activity with one another. The aggressor may force the siblings to watch sexual activity or pornographic videos. The aggressor may also abuse them repeatedly watching them dress, shower or using the toilet.

As in any sexual abuse by a family member sibling sexual abuse is harmful for the following reasons:

• The victim feels pressured and trapped by the abuser. This pressure includes bribes, sexual stimulation or physical force. Self-esteem is impacted immeasurably.

• The victim feels betrayed, because someone they expect to love and care for them is harming them in the worst way possible. In addition, because children inherently believe a parent will protect them from all harm, and when they are harmed by a sibling, the victim feels betrayed twice—once by his/her sibling and by their parents. They might even believe that the parents think the abuse is acceptable—further adding to the emotional harm.

• The victim may feel responsible, bad or dirty—thus engendering feelings of guilt, shame and humiliation about their body, sexuality and personhood.

• Sibling abuse causes more damage than abuse by a stranger. This is because children are dependent for years on their families and on parents to keep them safe. Studies of convicted teenage sexual abuse offenders show that the sibling offenders commit more serious abuse over a longer period of time than other teenage offenders. This is so because the victims—brothers or sisters—are readily available, they are available for longer periods and the aggressors are protected by the enforced secrecy.

If you know or suspect that one of your children is being sexually abused by a sibling, you need to make an intervention by contact a professional who specializes in sexual abuse prevention and recovery. If you allow the abuse and secrecy to continue, because you think, ‘all children experiment sexually,’ or ‘it is just a phase, they will grow out of it,’ you are no less responsible for the outcome of the sibling sexual abuse than the sibling aggressor. Thus, the damage is on-going rather than short lived. Furthermore, by making an intervention, you are clearly and emphatically stating the behavior is unacceptable and both children are given an opportunity to heal.

The majority of sibling sexual abuse is initiated because of a trauma the aggressor has experienced—and it is generally their own sexual abuse—albeit you may be unaware.


For the parents....

 From:  Sibling Sexual Abuse - A Parent's Guide

Sibling sexual abuse is a misuse of power and authority. Older children who sexually abuse their younger brothers and sisters frequently abuse them in other ways as well.

Persistent putting down, teasing, or belittling younger children about their size, gender or other personal characteristics is called emotional abuse. Scaring younger children in dark rooms, telling them that no one loves them, or that terrible things are going to happen to them are also examples of emotional abuse.

Much of the hitting, pinching and smothering of younger children is dismissed by bigger or older siblings who tell their parents, 'We were only having fun' or 'We were just wrestling.' However, this isn't 'just fun' if it's forced on the younger child; it is actually physical abuse.

If you are able to prevent your children from emotionally and physically abusing one another, you are less likely to have to deal with sexual abuse as well. Children who are allowed to abuse their siblings emotionally and physically may use their power in sexual ways as well.

Frank’s Story

Frank was charged under the Young Offenders Act with sexually abusing his younger sister Kathy. His probation officer enforced the court order that he attend counseling.

Frank, who was 15, told his counselor that his classmates were bigger and more sexually ‘successful’ than he was, and that one of them had dared him to have sex with a girl.

He said that he was afraid to even talk to a girl, let alone ask for a date. He admitted that he made his younger sister Kathy have sexual intercourse with him one evening when he was babysitting her.

Then Frank’s mother told the counselor that Frank’s father had forced sex on her in front of the children on a number of occasions. She disclosed that he often beat her if his meals weren’t ready on time. The counselor encouraged her to take Frank and Kathy to a transition house as a temporary measure, while she decided whether or not to stay with her husband.

There are many benefits to court-ordered counseling for sibling sex offenders. In Frank’s case he learned some social skills that helped him get along better with other teenagers, and he stopped copying his father’s abusive behavior. He also learned to take responsibility for his own behaviour and to control it. Other outcomes of the family crisis included his mother being able to leave an abusive relationship and Kathy starting to see a sexual abuse counselor. Following his conviction, Frank’s father was charged by the court to seek counseling and to change the way he treats women and children.

What Factors contribute to sibling sexual abuse?

An older sibling, usually a boy, is given too much responsibility

It’s an important part of family life for older children to learn to take responsibility for the care of younger children. It’s just as important for children to understand that this responsibility has limits. Responsibility allows older children to make decisions while taking care of younger children. But it doesn’t give them the right to boss them, put them down or threaten them. As parents, you must help them see that having responsibility doesn’t mean that they can do whatever they want. Frank’s story is a good example of an older brother who is given responsibility and misuses it.

Children who have witnessed or experienced sexual abuse

Children who have been sexually abused, either by family members or by adults or older children, sometimes react by coaxing, manipulating, or forcing younger children into the same kind of sexual behaviour. Brothers and sisters may become the victims of this ‘second hand’ abuse. Sexually intrusive children who act out their own abuse in this way are sometimes called ‘sexually reactive’. It’s important for you to know that children who are being sexually victimized may become sexually intrusive.

Access to pornography

Parents who leave pornographic videotapes or magazines where children can look at them run the risk of having their children imitate adult sexual behaviour.


If children are neglected, either physically or emotionally, they might engage in a full range of sexual activities. They might try sexual activities they have learned from other children, or they might experiment, on their own, to learn how to get sexual pleasure. Part of their behaviour might come from their need to give and receive comfort when they’re getting non from their parents.

Sexual activity between siblings which begins in this way might, at first, appear experimental and mutual. However, because o f the power differences between children, it rarely is. If the behaviour continues, it can become abusive, especially if one of the children wants to stop and the other doesn’t.

Lack of sex education

Children and teens who are not taught in an age-appropriate way about their physical and sexual development are more likely to engage in sexually intrusive behaviour.

Inadequate socialization

Children who are not allowed to play with their peers, and teenagers who aren’t allowed to date, dance or socialize outside the home, are more likely to sexually abuse younger siblings, just as Frank did.


We often tend to see our own families as free from the trouble and tensions that other families have. When you do this, or try to explain away unusual behaviour or pretend it isn’t happening, this is called ‘denial’. In some situations, parents may wish to deny that abuse has taken place because it brings back memories of their own abuse. While denial doesn’t cause sibling sexual abuse, it may contribute to it’s continuation.

Feeling overwhelmed

If you feel overwhelmed by your own problems — which can include emotional stress, illness and unemployment — you might not be able to detect the abuse even when it’s happening. At times like this your extended family or a social service agency might be able to relieve the stress, and give you a chance to look at what’s really happening in your family.

Why might it be difficult to recognize sibling sexual abuse in my family?

As a parent you might find it hard to see that one of your children is being sexually abused by a sibling. There are several reasons why parents of sibling sexual abuse victims have difficulty recognizing that it's happening:

While the abuse is happening, the victim might be too young to know it's abuse. The victim may believe that the abuse is something that happens in all families.

The abuse might be happening when the abuser is in a position of authority; for example, when an older sibling is the baby-sitter.

The abuser may be enforcing secrecy by threatening the victim with physical abuse if he or she tells.

Victims blame themselves, especially if they experience pleasure while they're being abused, so they may not tell you about it.

Children may want to tell, but not know how to talk to you about what's happening. Also, many children are afraid to upset their parents.

You may see some of the symptoms of sibling sexual abuse, but tell yourself it isn't happening.

Parents who talk to their children about what has happened during the day and who ask about their feelings may be more likely to recognize sibling sexual abuse than parents who don't.

If one of my children is abusing another child in my family, what should I do?

If your child is sexually abusing another child in the family, you report the abuse to your local child protection agency. While the way you do this may vary from province to province, the child protection agency in your province is responsible for helping both the victim and the offender. If your child is 12 or over, the child protection agency must report the abuse to the police. The police will decide whether or not to charge the child. If your child is under the age of 12, he or she cannot be charged with a sexual offense.

Admitting to yourself that sibling sexual abuse might be happening in your family can be hard. Admitting it to someone else can be even harder. The important thing is to get help. It is often helpful to get support from family and friends, but you might have to rely on others. Often these others are professionals. As a parent you may feel in a state of despair and confusion when you realize that one of your children, is abusing their sibling. You may feel disappointed and may feel that you have failed as a parent. Joining a parental support group may help you acknowledge and accept your feelings.

No matter what your child's age, there are options as to what happens after you make the report to your child protection agency.

Under 12

Many counseling centres that treat victims of sexual abuse also have programs for "sexually intrusive" children. These are children who have been acting in sexually aggressive ways towards other children, but are under the age of 12. In many cases these children are sexual abuse victims themselves. They need counseling for this as well as to change their behaviour towards other children.

12 and Over

There are several advantages to involving the police and the criminal justice system when the offender is a child over the age of 12. By using the court system:

We make a statement about how seriously our society views sexual abuse.

The victim knows he or she is believed.

The offender can get the help he needs.

The judge can make plans for the offender's treatment.

Treatment can take many forms. One option could include placing a teenage sibling sex offender on probation with an order to have counseling while living at home. In this case the teenager will have a probation worker who will make sure the judge's orders are followed.

If offenses are serious enough, the teenage abuser could be confined for a period of time in a detention centre. These centres are staffed by counselors and social workers who specialize in treating adolescent sex offenders. Treatment could include attending groups where the offender looks closely at his behaviour, and receiving individual counseling to help him understand it. The offender may also be taught basic social skills, such as how to make friends his own age, or how to ask for a date and learn appropriate sexual behaviour. Most important, compulsory counseling can help prevent the young offender from growing into an adult offender.

For more information, please read,  "When Children Act Out Sexually:  A Guide for Parents and Teachers" from Vancouver Family Services.

Help from police, DSS, judges and treatment?

I do not know what state you are from, however, in my state they do charge children younger than 12 with a sex crime. They've also been known to remove all children in the home - including the victim(s). Further, eliminating parental contact/visitation until "clarification" or - leading to TPR and adoption. The perpetrator children ate placed in residential facilities with no proven effective treatment - and again - family contact is limited, controlled, etc. I can't tell you the damage I've seen due to involving the "authorites". Not that I disagree with - it has to be stopped, all get their needed treatment, all be protected, etc - it's just in my state I know this is not often the case.

Effective treatment

This post brings-up an interesting point.... ineffective treatments for the sexually abusive and their families.  In the past, I have read about the various ways sexual predators are treated... from locked-down facilities to chemical castration, but all approaches have received criticism because to date, there is no 'cure' for sex offenders.  At best, it seems treatment regimes can only reduce rates of recidivism for certain types of offenders, not prevent future sexual offenses.  [Interesting related reads:  The John Jay Report (2006) and Sex Offender Treatment (1991) ]

So while many would strongly agree, it (sex abuse) has to stop, we, as a society, have yet to learn what can be done to ensure sexual assaults will NOT go repeated in a home with children.  

This is the sort of stuff I would love to discuss with a forensic specialist, because based on my own personal experience, I have learned a sex-offender may in fact stop molesting young children, but after a period of 'latency', that person can easily be triggered, and escalate... in a different sort of way.  For instance, the child/teen who does non-violent fondling to a younger sibling can stop that 'habit', but develop another sexual addiction, (like porn, or sex with strangers), which may or may not initially include violence.  The thing is, this 'growing development' can be kept secret from family-members.... easily. Again, using my own case, one person who used me when I was a child developed a love for go-go-dancers and violent sex.  This aspect of his life was kept hidden from family members... and it became a disturbing shock to friends.....friends who decided they wanted nothing else to do with him.  <shaking head>  Why some predators decide to go after adults (people over the age of consent), and other predators decide to go after children.... it's a mystery to me and I'd like to know more because I do believe the person sexually abused as a child will develop a need to abuse, (one self, others, substances and/or sex) too.   [I see it as a hate-issue... one that needs peaceful resolution.] 

Meanwhile, I'd like to learn what others have to say about treatment/therapy programs used on sexually abusive children.... do any approaches seem to work?  Also, I suspect foster/adoptive parents are easy prey for new service providers offering exaggerated rates of success/improvement... has this been a problem? 


This is a very important post! Thank you.
Beth Fehlbaum, author
Courage in Patience, a story of HOPE...
Ch. 1 is online!

Incest among siblings

It's been my experience that most people assume incest takes place between an adult parent and a child.  It's my opinion this type of adult-child sexual relationship fits under the realm of "pedophilia".  Sex between siblings, especially as it relates to adopted and bio-siblings, is an incest-issue that's altogether different, making incest for the adopted even more complex and confusing.

There is a difference...

A child molester is not necessarily a pedophile; but a pedophile is a child molester.  A child molester molests whoever is available while a pedophile only molests children.
Sex between siblings is, I agree, an issue altogether different.
My husband is not a pedophile.  He was very interested in adult women as sex objects; his daughter (and I use this term very lightly) was available; if a woman had been willing, he would have been with a woman.  It was an addiction to masturbation and not that he was a pedophile. 
Teddy retches and gags...

What did I ever do to deserve this... Teddy

Further definition

I have to agree with the statements: “A child molester is not necessarily a pedophile; but a pedophile is a child molester. A child molester molests whoever is available while a pedophile only molests children.”

“Sex between siblings is, I agree, an issue altogether different.” This statement needs to be further defined.

Does the term “sex” refer to: sexual contact between consenting adults, passing sexual curiosity among children, or is it the atrocity of rape?

Does one sibling have more power over the other sibling (age, size, strength, developmental level, gender, etc)?

Does one sibling use some form of force, manipulation, or intimidation?

The following is taken from the Victorian Sexual Assault Crisis in Melbourne. The website is at:

In most cases, sibling sexual abuse does not occur in isolation but alongside physical and/or emotional abuse.

Sibling sexual abuse is as traumatic as sexual abuse by a parent (or any other form of sexual abuse) and has a lasting impact on the victim. Studies have shown that sibling abuse often includes the most serious forms of abuse.

However, in spite of this, sibling sexual abuse is more likely to be overlooked, normalized and discounted by families and the wider community. This minimization by others can mean that survivors themselves are less likely to view their experiences as abuse and also find it more difficult to talk about.

Survivors of sibling incest often describe spending their childhood in fear, unable to tell anyone of their abuse for fear of being blamed, not believed or suffering retaliation.

This fear, along with shame surrounding the 'incest taboo', can mean the victim's silence extends over the years of childhood, and for some, continuing into adulthood.

For those who did speak out, many report being further harmed by their families response, with the abuse being ignored, excused or worse still, the victim blamed.
Sexual abuse by a brother or sister is not uncommon, with studies suggesting it is more common than parent child incest. Some studies contend it is the most common form of child abuse.

Sibling sexual abuse can have serious immediate and long term effects on victims. Some of these include: : Feeling responsible, Sense of betrayal, Shame, and Grief and loss

Many survivors state that they feel they were in some way to blame for their abuse. This can be particularly so when they were close in age to the abusive sibling. This feeling of "being in it together", of being a co-conspirator rather than a victim, does not acknowledge the power dynamics that existed, and further adds to feelings of guilt, shame and embarrassment.

Some survivors may feel responsible for the "fall out" that follows a disclosure of sibling abuse, or may feel responsible for keeping the family together.

Sibling sexual abuse is a gross abuse of trust. Survivors often reveal feeling betrayed by their sibling who they feel they should have been able to love and trust. They may also feel betrayed by parents who failed to protect them.

Many survivors describe their childhood as a lonely time, with their experiences of abuse leaving them feeling isolated from, and different to other children. Survivors will often reveal feelings of shame and deep embarrassment connected to being sexually assaulted by a brother or sister.

Adult survivors can wrestle with especially shameful feelings if they feel they did not fight off a sibling's sexual advances or if they sought out that affection. These feelings can be particularly strongly felt if the age difference between the siblings is not great.

It is common for survivors to express feelings of sadness over the loss of a normal healthy sibling relationship. Feelings of grief for the past and future relationship can be deeply felt.

For some, the realization that their relationship with a brother or sister, their closest genetic relative, is not as they wished or hoped it to be, comes with an enormous sense of sorrow.

Thank you for this post! It brings further awareness to this horrible family tragedy.

Speaking Out on Sibling Sexual Abuse

There is also a new organization just starting out called Speaking Out on Sibling Sexual Abuse SOSSA.

Check them out at

Sibling Sexual abuse

Thank you so very much for this information I have read through. My nephew who is now 47 was abused by an older brother when he was 11 it lasted for 4 years. He has never spoken about the abuse till now he has confided in me and has told his Mother who is now 80 years old.His Mother does not understand as she asked him "What will you gain by bringing this situation to light? This explain a lot about his behaviours, he is so tormented, angry and I am worried as he is looking for his brother to take accountability 37 years later( His brother has a family). Legal procedures may follow...

No foreigner to this topic of conversation

As one who has received many personal/private letters regarding sibling sexual abuse within an adoptive family, I can understand fully why many fostered/adopted people would not want to openly discuss their own sexual experiences.  Guilt, shame and fear of losing a parent's love/relationship can be very good reasons for a victimized person to keep this as their own personal, private secret.

Perhaps AP/PAP's can tell me, is this topic covered/addressed in Adoptive Parenting classes?


not one word...

The "parenting classes" were very shallow and really, that's the way PAP's wanted it.  NO ONE wanted to hear anything negative about adoption.  ALL we could see was that little baby's face and nothing more.  And, realistically, this was just so much deceit when in actuality it would be months for a referral and then months before the child came home.  That picture, stuck in the minds of PAP's never is realized since, even adopting special needs children where you get a picture up-front:  the picture is months old and by the time you get through all the paperwork and get the child home, that child is way older than what the PAP's had visualized.  The clothes do not fit.  The child has gone through many adjustments and losses and doesn't know you from Adam.  And let me be the first to break this to you:  MANY of these children are sexually abused in the orphanages and foster homes overseas before they even get to America. 
Parenting Classes for PAP's is a joke in most cases.  Of course, dad can tell us about his experiences but I dare say his are NOT the norm.  I remember the last ones I went to with our last adoption.  My husband had to work so he was excused... (isn't that a kick in the head).  They showed a film of older adoptees who were teenaged.  I remember thinking how much prettier my adopted children were than the ones we saw....  (we are all delusional).  Then they gave us the speach:  "Remember, you will hear that ALL Korean/Asian boys are geniuses and ALL Korean/Asian girl are beautiful little princesses.  It is not true... "
But we ALL thought it was true.  These were going to be perfect children and we were going to give them ANYTHING and EVERYTHING and we would all live happily ever after.  There was NEVER anything negative discussed.  Sibling sexual abuse was not allowed.  snicker...  But it WAS a fact of life even 6 years ago and it was a well kept secret.
In the past ten years there has been a lot of changes made because of the disrupted adoptions that have been rampant.  The adoption agencies have changed the wording on their agreement paperwork to read:  We will NOT, in any way, shape or form be held responsible for ANYTHING that goes wrong with your adoption.  And it went on to list several pages of legalese that NO PAP took the time to read or even think about.  The agencies knew what was taking place, but they were not about to reveal it or take responsibility for it.  There was just too much money involved and things were flowing pretty fast and easy at the time. 
They knew.  They did not tell.  They have the signed papers that show they are NOT responsible.  Why would they discuss the possibility of adoptive homes being a breeding ground (pun intended) for sibling sexual abuse? 
even Teddy signed the papers...

What did I ever do to deserve this... Teddy

To some extent I'd say it

To some extent I'd say it was discussed in parenting classes, homestudy, and in required reading.(2000's) Most certainly it is a topic often discussed on adoptive parenting groups I am on.

It is a major consideration in ages of children which would be a good fit for a family.... for instance adopting an older child from an institution is very high risk if you have younger children at home... because the older child may have been abused and become an abuser. (Many more situations are also risk factors.)

I wouldn't say we often discuss sexual relations between say, a 15 and 16 yr old both adopted as infants.
Does that answer your question?


Sibling sexual abuse was absolutely addressed in our parenting classes (1994).  For the reasons Silent1 has already stated, one of the biggest mistakes adoptive parents can make when adopting older children from foster care is to adopt out of birth order.  It doesn't matter whether the abuse is sexual or physical, placing a child who has been abused into a family with younger children is like leaving a loaded gun on the family coffee table.

It was the reason given for why our daughter had one disrupted adoptive placement before she was placed in our home.



We adopted through Holt.  In 2002, there was no mention of anything pertaining to "bad stuff" that could happen.  I am glad to hear from others who were given the opportunity to make an informed decision.  In our case, it was as if, when we showed interest, they came running with: adoption subsidies, reduced overseas fees, and extreme help in making our adoptions happen.  Doncha think it would have set off SOME red flags for us?  No...
Teddy was very gullible...

What did I ever do to deserve this... Teddy

Yes, you were...

We started researching adoption issues perhaps a year before our first placement (1994) and we've never stopped.  Unlike Teddy, we were truly fortunate in that we started with an agency who was experienced, ethical, and brutally honest.

My wife is a voracious reader.  She has perhaps 100 or so books on adoption and adoptive parenting.  I'm not the book reader that she is, but I've been lurking / reading / posting regulary on adoption forums since 1994.  First it was on AOL adoption forums, then alt.adoption newsgroups, now SofA and sometimes here.

I prefer unmoderated newsgroups and forums where there is no underlying agenda (pro or con) and people are free to debate all sides of the issue.  PPL is different in that respect, and I struggle with that sometimes.  I have no use for forums which blindly promote adoption, nor do I pay much attention to forums which demonize adoptive parents and adoption to such a degree they would abolish it completely.

Adoption Legalized Lies used to sell bumper stickers that read:  A Biological Family Or None At All.

Thanks, but no thanks.   JDB should stick to writing sales scripts for sex toys.

The point I'm trying to make here is that adoptive parents should open their minds to all kinds of information on adoption and not simply rely solely on what their agency feeds them.  The information is out there for those who want to find it.  I've been reading and posting about attachment, bonding, sexual abuse, reunification, open records, CPS, international, domestic, etc. for almost 15 years.

The good, bad, and ugly.  It's all out there and since the advent of the internet, it's not that difficult to find.  But despite our preparation for most issues adoption, we've still had some very rough sailing.  At least we had a map and compass, and continuing counsel and advice from those who have been there done that.


Interesting assessment

Like I mentioned earlier, over the years I have had many people tell me about their sexual abuse stories, and in almost every case, it was the older brother sibling (adopted or not) abusing the younger "sister".  (Only in a few cases was it the older female family-member abusing a younger child).  Admittedly, I'm not the author of a formally conducted study on this subject, but based on what has been shared with me, I have seen certain trends that seem to be very consistent with sibling-abuse stories.  First, alcoholism was an issue in the families in which sexual abuse took place.  Second, it was not the adopted child doing the abusing; it was the older biologic child of the AP's acting out on the younger addition.  (In fact, I believe we have several articles posted within our pages that tell the story of a foster/adoptive parents biologic child sexually abusing the foster/adopted children in the house.)  So while I can see how dangerous it can be to adopt an older child when younger ones are already living in the house,  I'm not so sure I believe the only time sibling abuse takes place in a home is when an adopted child is placed outside "birth order".  Surely there are other factors taking place in sexually abusive homes, factors that are not being addressed for whatever reason within certain groups.

As an adoptee who was abused by members in my adoptive family, I cannot help but think lots of adults from very dysfunctional families are able to adopt children because a) they have the money  b) they have the connections  and c) they are able to find an agency that cares more about making money than providing child-safety.  [Thankfully, since we started the PPL pages I have learned there are MANY AP's who do NOT fit this description, however that's not to say pathological parents are not passing the adoption pre-screening process each and every year.  All one has to do is read-through our growing abuse pages to see how dangerous some pre-screened homes/families can be.]

So here's a loaded question I'm hoping others would be willing to discuss:  Does bringing-in a foster/adopted child into a dysfunctional home bring-out the sexual-predator in some?  What can/should the adoption industry (child placement services) do to help stop/prevent the sexual  predation of children?

kind of shocked this is getting so much talk

yup it happens, it happens in all kinds of families, foster kids perp on already there kids, and yep vice versa...
It happens in a lot of just bio families too...

kids play doctor, and then it gets worse than that... and some people don't think it so bad

I went to school with a foster child who had 4 children by her foster parent's son before she was 17 (sick world)

yep, all the foster and adoptive training I went to mentioned the kids acted out sexually and sometimes the kids will seek sex..

you see folks, once people are introduced to sexual activity they often find a part they like about it... and keep seeking it... true, that is only part of a big issue...

heck, I work in public school and have known of at least 7 sexual assults at school in 11 years I have worked there by kids toward kids...

and then there have been dozens of kids doing different sexual things at school when both or the group wanted to participate... I don't even live in a bad school district...

Kerry, I know a boat load of poor white trash that get to foster (and lower social economic people from other races too) who are very dysfunctional and get to foster and adopt from public foster care because they are the only ones who will put up with the shit from social services....

one women had a teenaged drug addict for her bio son, she had tried to kill herself at least 2 times while having kids in her home, etc...


Plain and simple: Yes, bringing a child (who has major problems, including sexual) into an already dysfunctional home
will up the chances of sexual abuse being a MAJOR issue in that home.
Now, after saying that, I will give the examples:
The foster father has had addiction issues with food; causing his weight to balloon at times to over 500 pounds.  His obsession with finding comfort in food should lead one to think just how horrible his past was for him to have used food to such an extreme.  The agency only sees that he has lost a LOT of weight and use this to say he has conquered his addiction and would therefore make a wonderful father.
When in all reality, it just proves that his addictions (and there were many) were always going to be HUGE.  When you quit one addiction, there are always other "things" that a person turns to for comfort; an addict is always an addict of something.
Send in the children...  are these children who are perfect little angels who are seeking a mommy and a daddy?  HELL NO!  These are kids who have seen abuse in many forms; and the worst one was being taken from their OWN parents.  These are kids who have seen a lot and been involved in a lot.  Even little babies have suffered the loss of their mother's bonding.  It makes for a situation where all it needs is for puberty to strike and all hell breaks loose. 
This is just from my own experiences and is in no way to say this is "how it always it."  But it does happen.  There are thousands of disrupted adoptions based on just this scenario.
But, you asked what the adoption industry could do the help stop/prevent the sexual predation of children.  They need to dig farther into the pasts of the PAP's/PFP's and see where the dangers are BEFORE allowing abused and neglected children to enter such homes.  They are so desperate!  They have standard steps to become a foster parent.  All the prospective parents need to do is KNOW someone who is a foster parent and ask questions.  The training program is very long and rigid.  It does talk about the bad-stuff.  But NO ONE was listening.  Except maybe dad and his wife...  We all wanted a family and thought we would go the foster care route which is easier and cheaper than overseas adoption.  But the children who were placed in my home (12) were from nightmare homes themselves.  The ones who were possibilities of healing from the hell they had suffered were ALWAYS placed back in their homes.  So what was left to adopt were the severe cases.  I walked away.
The babies I knew from overseas adoptions were just that: innocent babies with no background.  I bought into this really fast.  The only way to adopt a baby was to go overseas...  and so we went overseas and adopted.   And then I got really careless and thought, I will adopt an older child.  I read the many pages.  I only saw what I wanted to see.  He came home the worst sexually acting-out child of almost 4 that I had ever seen in my life.  You were kind, dad, in agreeing that I was gullible.  I WAS THE STUPIDEST PERSON ALIVE! 
Kerry, unless you have lived what I'm telling you, you really can not perceive just how sexually alive a little abused person can be.  He brought in the open sexuality that would destroy himself, and then his sister, and her in turn as she was prime pickings for her dad's addiction to masturbation.  When sex is opened up in a very young child, it explodes into more and more bizarre sex.  There is no stopping this sexuality once it is started; and the younger it starts, the deeper into bizarre sexuality it becomes.
I know you want me to tell you that the kids are all innocent... and to a point they truly are.  They have no way of controlling the sexual feelings that even adults can't control.  I've seen this with 11 of those 12 children over a period of almost 5 years.  It was a compulsion and they preyed on each other every chance they got; and they made those chances because they were so young and sex was such a driving force. 
I talked to one of my former foster daughters several years ago.  Her life was a nightmare of men and sex; stemming from a young awakening of sex and the opportunities she had with her mother's "friends."   Another foster daughter I have been in contact with has two children; one is in Mexico with the father and she won't ever see her again; the other was 6 years old and acting out sexually...  this mother had met another man online and he flew out here to live with her in a dumpy trailor on her mother's property.  These are facts.
Put these type of children in a home where the foster father struggles with food addiction and addiction to masturbation because of his own abuse as a child and you have sex-predators all over the place: mainly in the making.  It's like a magnet; they were just drawn to each other.
I know where the blame lies.  But to not look at all sides of the problem you will never see it.
Teddy wishes she didn't know these things...

"So here's a loaded question I'm hoping others would be willing to discuss:  Does bringing-in a foster/adopted child into a dysfunctional home bring-out the sexual-predator in some?  What can/should the adoption industry (child placement services) do to help stop/prevent the sexual  predation of children?"

What did I ever do to deserve this... Teddy

in reply to that question

how to stop children from sexually abusing other children...

provide kids who have been sexually abused good real therapy (perhaps not living with other kids if they are sexually reactive... meaning the act out sexually)

really be honest about what goes on... and check out the kids already there..

someone educate older boys and younger teen aged boys to stay the fuck away from the little kids and self serve (which i guess is the problem many were talking about here)

there is no test to really know what some place is going to be like...

My children had an incident.

I did everything right I removed my child from the home & at the advice of DCFS, I was told he could come home. He returned home after a year. Now my son had been in my home for 4 months ( nothing has happened). Now DCFS decided to remove all of my kids but one. The worker has lied to me, my family members, my kids counselors & her supervisor. I truly don't know what to do. I watching my kids every step of the way. I don't know what to do I'm stuck in the in between

Pound Pup Legacy