My people

  "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

As my eyes opened, the smell of over 20 leis filled the air. I opened up my eyes and closed them again quickly, only to re-open just to see if it was really real. I was really here, in hawaii, and my mom really did pick me up at the airport the night before.

I sat up and walked around the room holding each lei and taking in every ounce of its aroma. The most beautiful aromas I had ever inhaled and i can almost smell them still, as I type this, 5 years later.

I walked outside onto our balcony, the wind blew in my hair as I stepped out onto the deck and looked out onto the ocean. Diamond Head in the distance I remember watching a turtle in the waves floating his way out into the deep blue sea.

I was home. There was no question about it. For the first time in my life there was an ease inside my body, a comfort, an inner peace, yes, I was home. I was with my people. I could finally rest after all these years.

The night before I had arrived to the island of Oahu for the first time in my life. As I unboarded the plane w/ my boyfriend we were greeted by a man holding a sign with my name on it. I remember him telling me that I had a LOT of people waiting for me through the doors he was walking me too. Then he asked me, is it true, you're meeting your mother for the first time? Just by my tear filled eyes, he knew, it was true. I stopped, and used the restroom, tried pulling myself together but it was impossible. We continued on and just as we got onto the escalator he told me that through the doors at the bottom was my family.

As I walked through the doors more than 20 people greeted me with ballons and leis, pictures and then there she was, the most beautiful woman I have ever seen still even to this day. My mother. She reached her arms out to me and embraced me and we hugged and cried for so long. I can still smell her perfume and if i close my eyes long enough, i can feel her arms wrapped around me.

The next 10 days were some of the best 10 days of my entire life. We made each minute special, each minute a chance to make up for the 21 years we lived apart. We spent my birthday together on the beach eating salmon on bagels with capers to the sunrise over diamond head. We drove around the island and she gave me a tour of her favorite places. Her husband at the time and for most of my entire life was a professional surfer, he took me to the best surfing spots and pointed out all of his favorite places. They would point to places that reminded them of me throughout the years, places they would go and think about me, places they'd looked forward to taking me when i found them and now, here we were at those places. It was SO healing.

I cannot explain the peace that came over my entire being the day I arrived and finally held my mother but it is still with me today.

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Scattered

Your reunion reads like it should have been filmed for one of those Reunion shows featured on The Learning Channel.  In your case, I can actually write it's most appropriate that you got leid by your natural mom!

...

I used to have dreams of meeting my mother.  Those fantasies always involved an ocean-scene and large rocks with huge sprays of pounding surf  because I was born on an island.  Of course, the island on which I was born is where Orca whales and iceburgs emerge from the water's edge, so I suppose it's safe to say there would be no balmy beaches for this bastard's final reunion moment.

Funny thing is, my birthplace is not at all where my parents or extended family lived.  In order for THAT reunion/visit to take place, I'd have to travel to the other side of Canada, and meet them somewhere in the middle of  vast farm-land in Alberta.  Poetically speaking, it would be like finding two needles in a hay-stack, since International Adoption has always followed different rules, with little regulation.

It's wonderful yours was a positive life-altering experience.  It seems the beautiful stories are the ones that get shared and told.  I think everyone wants a happy ending, especially when so much emotional mending needs to take place.

I suppose that's why the not-so-lovely scenarios, (that still happen everyday), get left-behind without so much as a public mention.  Maybe many adoptees and parents keep these stories hidden because they don't want to be slammed or banned for passing the news that some family stories are far worse than bad-fiction.  In any case, reunion is a risk that's not at all easily taken, or received, so when it DOES go well, we should share the news that there ARE some people who survive the tides of Loss and Change, and still manage to breathe in the fresh sweetness Mother and Child have to offer one another.

<Cheers!> to your Reunion Story....

so much more...

I think that I hold on to the good moments, so that I don't have to think or deal with the not so good moments. For example, right now, my mom and I aren't really talking, but you won't see me blogging about that much. Fears of the "un-enlightened paps" pointing fingers "See See!! reunion hurts, i'm not telling my child she's adopted"
I feel like when I publically blog about my adoption life, pre-post reunion that it is so easily taken in bits and pieces to confirm or deny truths to readers lurking to validate their own insecurities in their adoption lives.
I hold onto these moments though, that I remember ( which btw, it WAS filmed, and WAS on TV WTF was I thinking? ) they keep me going. They help me believe that one day, we'll talk again the way we did when I first found her. That, we can beat the crap adoption has forced between us and overcome its poison, because even in reunion, adoption still effects every conversation. And not JUST adoption, but separation, loss, abandonment, pain from ALL of that.
I was so naive to think that "reunion" was the cure all for my pain of adoption / separation / loss. I really thought finding her and my dad would "fix" it all. It may have closed the doors of "not knowing" about myself, but from that closure so much more opened....so much more.

reunions

I'll be honest, I don't see much benefit behind the whole reunion thing.  How can a family repair itself once it's been broken through adoption?  I would hate to hear how life could have or should have been, had I not been taken away from parents who were told they were not good enough to keep me.  I'd be furious to learn so much crap didn't have to happen to me, had I only been kept by a parent who loved me.

This is what sucks about adoption.  It's too damn easy for people to think all adopted children were removed from their roots because someone was seen as "unfit to parent".  It's too damn dangerous to think strangers can do a better job at raising a child, especially if there is no biological connection keeping the new family members from doing the unthinkable to the previously "unwanted" child.  Even in nature, the animal left-behind becomes the runt of the new group, if that runt is even allowed to enter the den of offspring.  Acceptance goes both ways, and it usually requires fighting.  I'm sick of fighting, just to belong and be accepted by people who never took the time to get to know the real me.

Who helps the reunited families deal with this stuff, anyway?  ANYONE? 

This leads me to another series of questions.  Are there any adoptees who tried to have their natural parents reclaim their legal status as "this child's parents", or is that impossible?  Has anyone tried to legally change their birth certificate so it reflects the real parents?  Something just doesn't sit right knowing so many kids end-up carrying a first and last-name that should not be. Ya know what I mean?

Adopting back

I know of one website, adoptingback.com, which is dedicated to legally readopting adults who had once been lost to adoption. I all honesty I don't know much else about this group or oganization, but go see for yourself.

annualing an adoption

And I've also heard of some adoptees annualing ( sp? ) their adoptions as well. I'm unsure if once this is done if the records remained sealed or not? I know of one mother / son relationship where the mother re-adopted her son back and he was issued a 3rd birth certificate which reflected his original one. That is so .... i don't even have the words, just wrong isn't it?

I just got the papers to change my name back and once I save the $300 i'm going to do it. For my own peace of mind. I need to free ME.

And she bore him a son and he (Moses) called his name Gershom "for," he said "I have been a stranger in a foreign land." ~ exodus 2:22

The Bloody Fee!!!!

I can't help but laugh at the insanity behind the fact that a person has to pay a fee to be free to have his/her birth-name back!!!

I was told I could pay a mere $400 to get my mother's name.  Amazing how much a name can cost a person, isn't it?!?

<shaking head>

I wonder if Jesus was adopted by a more respected married couple, would they have changed his name, and would his claims of being God's Son have been seen as mere craziness?

Where's that Bartender? 

Pound Pup Legacy