Tristan's mother was not allowed to breast feed him in case she
Tristan's mother was not allowed to breast feed him in case she
ANN McELHINNEY in JAKARTAHEARTLESS Joe Dowse must have thought it was the bargain of the century.
He told the authorities as he persuaded them to let him adopt a child in Indonesia, that to him and his wife a baby was a "Priceless gift from God".
But when it came to adding up the bill of taking little Tristan from his real mother, accountant Joe found it only cost him a measly EUR500 to settle it.
The Irishman started paying for the abandoned tot's mother's expenses before Tristan was even born.
And when Tristan was a new born baby, Joe paid the pathetic sum to cover "expenses" through a middlewoman.
Dowse also made strict demands on Tristan's birth mother's diet while pregnant as part of the deal.
Today the Irish Sunday Mirror tells the TRUE story of how a helpless child ended up dumped in an orphanage by his adoptive Irish dad.
Dowse ordered Tristan's mum, known only as Suryani, to adhere to a specific diet and forbade her from breast feeding her new-born son, in case she bonded with him and refused to hand him over as agreed.
Joe, from Carnew, Co Wicklow, and his wife Lala, who were living in Indonesia in 2001, found they could not conceive and were put in touch with a woman who helps smooth adoptions. She in turn found pregnant mum Suryani.
But 18 months into the adoption, Lala announced the news she was pregnant with their own child.
At the same time Joe's contract with KPMG was coming to an end and they decided to move to Lala's native Azerbaijan.
But before they left the country they claimed the adoption was not working out and dumped Tristan in an unlicenced orphange, to which they donated $2,000 and left a box of toys for their son.
And tragically, Tristan's natural mum came looking for him, just FIVE months ago, unaware he had been abandoned by the wealthy parents who had promised to love and cherish him for the rest of their lives.
Last night the middlewoman who organised the illegal adoption revealed for the first time how Joe and his wife Lala were able to get their hands on Tristan.
When she met an undercover Sunday Mirror reporter she boasted about how she had organised 50 adoptions recently and then asked: "You want a baby"?
Rosdiana, a middle-aged Indonesian divorcee, runs a home in Jakarta where women give birth to children who are then adopted by wealthy foreigners such as the Dowses.
Speaking from her house in an upmarket suburb, she told how determined Joe Dowse was when organising the adoption of the baby.
She said: "Joe was single-minded in his efforts to ensure that Tristan should not bond with his natural mother.
"He gave strict instructions that the mother was not to breast- feed the baby in order to stop them bonding, putting the whole deal in jeopardy.
"He was afraid if she breastfed him, maybe she could be more attached to him.
"Joe also asked that the mother be separated from the baby to avoid feelings developing between them. It was the first time I had ever been asked for something like that.
"For three months we took care of Tristan. Joe gave everything for him, milk, diapers, pampers. He even gave money for the woman who washed the clothes.
"He also paid my daughter Reta for looking after Tristan away from his mother.
"For the hospital he paid about 1.5m Rupiah, that's about $150.
"He brought two nurses to come and visit. It showed that he had much money."
It is believed Joe spent in the region of EUR500 to cover expenses and the hospital.
But Joe's Azerbaijani wife, Lala did not show as much interest in their new son.
Rosdiana said: "She was very distant.
"She never visited the child while he was in my house, whereas Joe would often come to monitor the pregnancy and the child's progress after he was born."
Tristan's birth mum may not have fully understood the finality of the adoption process and has constantly tried to find out how her son is doing.
Rosdiana said: "Suryani, Tristan's natural mother, has never forgotten the son she gave away.
"She thought he would have a better life with the Dowses.
"Suryani was a sincere woman who was torn between wanting the best for Tristan but not wanting to give up her child."
Rosdiana said she was concerned by the prospect of the adoption and was worried that she might have second thoughts.
She said: "Suryani met Tristan maybe when he was two weeks old. After that she never met him again.
"She told me, 'Madam, it is not that I don't want to see Tristan. If I see him too often, I am afraid that I will fall in love with him'.
"When she left my house for the last time, she did not meet the baby.
"She said that because she was so sincere to give the baby to be adopted, she did not want to be close with him.
"Suryani has asked after her son on numerous occasions. The first time she contacted me was about eight months after he was born. She asked about the baby. I told her he was out of the country.
"In fact, just five months ago she was here looking for him, but I told her he was living abroad with his adoptive Irish family.
"And she said, 'Okay and thank you. The important thing is that he is okay'.
"I didn't tell her that he's living in an orphanage, not knowing where Joe was, because I didn't know."
When Rosdiana heard about Tristan's plight and the Dowses' conduct, she burst into tears.
"How could anyone do that? How could anyone do such a thing?" she said.
Rosdiana says she found Tristan's mother six months into her pregnancy.
She said Suryani was very poor and had been deserted by her husband, Tristan's father and was in great difficulty.
Rosdiana said she organised with Juni Worten, a fundamentalist Baptist minister's wife, to have the baby adopted by Joe Dowse.
She said: "The arrangement was that he would pay for all expenses connected with the pregnancy and care of the baby until it would be adopted by him and his wife.
"Joe insisted on supervising and instructing Suryani's care and diet.
"The total cost was about 1.5m Rupiahs (EUR120)."
Rosdiana said there is a constant demand for Indonesian children from foreigners.
"Juni always telephones me. She says 'Madam Ros, do you have a baby? Yes I have it. She then says 'There is my friend who wants a baby'. For example right now I have three children not yet born who are going to be adopted," she said.
Until now it has been a quiet but much in demand service provided by Rosdiana and her friend Juni, who both deny profiting from the adoptions.
Like so many foreign adoptions nowadays, Tristan's was portrayed as a rescue by Joe and Lala Dowse, a loving infertile couple, who wanted to give a child a loving home.
It was no doubt these sentiments that prompted Joseph and Margaret, Joe's parents, to write in their letter of recommendation that they knew the adoption "will bring benefits to all concerned".
Joe and Lala clearly agreed at the time.
In their adoption application at South Jakarta State Courthouse they promised "to give the child life, health, prosperity and feelings of safety and security".
They also declared that "we will raise our adopted child like our own son because we believe that children are a priceless gift from God".
But tragic Tristan was deserted by his adoptive parents when his new mum became pregnant after years of trying for a baby.
And now the toddler lives alone in the Yayasan Emmanuel orphanage near Jakarta.
Joe claimed in an interview with the Irish Sunday Mirror: "This was not a half-hearted attempt at adoption, it was a properly done thing.
"However, over that time we came to a painful realisation that the adoption just wasn't working out, an extremely difficult and painful realisation, as you can understand, to make and it wasn't something that we felt was in Tristan's best interests to remain with us."
Now the little boy with the big brown eyes is in legal limbo.
He was awarded Irish citizenship, but because of his abandonment he is living in Indonesia without a visa and has no right to Indonesian social services.
He could even face deportation.
Ireland's ambassador to Singapore takes care of diplomatic relations with neighbouring Indonesia.
Now the Government has sent him to liaise with the Indonesian authorities to try and resolve the problem.
It was hoped that Tristan could be readopted, but if his mother is still interested in his welfare and the adoption process was illegal, then the authorities may have to find her before proceeding.
The Irish Adoption Board approved the adoption even though the Indonesian authorities say it should have been rejected because it was allegedly illegal.
But all that is irrelevant to the little boy who won't play with his toys because he's waiting for mummy and daddy to come and take him home.
It is believed the Department of Foreign Affairs may opt to "cancel" Tristan's citizenship, which then leaves the way clear for him to be readopted.
An American couple have already made legal moves to formally adopt little Tristan, who will be four on June 26.
Joe Dowse refused to talk to the Irish Sunday Mirror again yesterday about his abandoned child. When contacted he hung up the phone.
Copyright 2005 MGN LTD
Provided by ProQuest Information and Learning Company. All rights Reserved.