Single, male & an adoptive dad

Swati Deshpande | TNN Mumbai: It was his impish smile that drew them together. That was about three months ago. On October 4, little Arjun, all of two-and-a-half years, got a new father. And Sandeep Soparrkar, who brought Arjun home, has become the city’s first single adoptive father in a decade.  

For the 33-year-old unmarried Soparrkar, better known for his Salsa dance moves, it was the culmination of four years of perseverance in the face of uncertainty, including an yearlong process of detailed scrutiny and evaluation of whether or not he was fit to be a father.  

“I had to give certificates on a whole lot of things, from my bank balance to my physical health. I was told to take an AIDS test. Besides, I had to give letters to state how the child would be taken care of if something happened to me, how I would take care of the child, how I would spend time with the child and so on,’’ said Soparrkar in an interview with TOI. The adoption agency visited his house and those of his friends and family. Even his parents had to vouch for Soparrkar’s good conduct—“separate letters from my father and mother to get a fix on my character and other attributes’’.  

The agency he chose was Bal Anand, based in Chembur. He is all praise for the thoroughness of their investigation. Although the same agency had initially discouraged him from going ahead, the social workers, once convinced of his bona fides, were happy to help. Soparrkar says he understands their reservations: “They did not have any single male approaching them for adoption before me.’’ Sulochana Carlos of Bal Anand said, “We felt positive about handing over the child in adoption to Sandip. This was our first case of an adoptive father. In India, given the father’s role of being a bread-winner they are often a little hesitant to singly go in for adoption.’’  

Arjun, who now has picked up a few words in Hindi, was found abandoned by the police in the city some 18 months ago. Make adoption easier for men, says single dad Sandeep  

Mumbai: Why did Sandeep Soparrkar, possibly the city’s first single adoptive dad, want to adopt? “I grew up in a family where there have been some adoptions and I thought it is a beautiful thing to do. So when I felt I was financially capable of looking after a child, I decided to go ahead,’’ he said. The dance master wanted to adopt a girl child but learnt that Indian law does not allow a single male to adopt a girl. “For single women, the age bar is 21, for a single man it is 30 before he can adopt. A woman can adopt both girls and boys, not so for men. The scrutiny is not as detailed for a woman,’’ he said, smiling. “I hope adoption laws become more liberal for men.’’  

Rakesh Kapoor, his lawyer who specialises in adoption cases, said he could only recall one other case of a single adoptive dad in Mumbai’s courts but that was a foreign national, several years ago. He also remembers a Delhi case about eight years ago. “It’s difficult for a father to also don a mother’s mantle which is perhaps why single men are not ready to adopt, even though adoption law in India does not bar single men from adopting children,’’ said Kapoor. Agencies too prefer to give a child in adoption to a couple rather than to a single parent.  

Since the law demands it, Soparrkar has now filed a plea before a city civil court seeking its stamp of approval on his fitness to be a father.  

Social psychologist Anjali Chhabria said Soparrkar’s decision was a good one as long as it was not impulsive. “It is a good thing that an individual is mature and has a support system to look after the child. So far, adoption has been associated with women, coming as it does from a maternal instinct. So if it is a well-thought-out decision, the child definitely stands to benefit. It also shows that society is becoming more mature, with men evolving and going beyond their traditional role.’’  

How did Soparrkar decide that it was to be Arjun? Gushed the firsttime father, “The only baby I saw was Arjun, and after meeting him a couple of times at the adoption agency, I was hooked. I did not want to see any other child. Both of us did not want to leave each other.’’  

And yes, he does want to marry. “It’s just that my wife-to-be will have to accept me and Arjun. I have a friend who found that he did not want to adopt since he felt that he might be partial to his natural-born child, and I don’t want to be in the same boat. ’’ A FATHER IN LAW: The unmarried Sandeep Soparrkar with his adopted son Arjun