I am the real Kris

I first off wanted to apologize to everyone here for all that happened yesterday due to my "impersonator". I wanted to thank Niels for his prompt response to me and my inquiry and for his assistance.

I am still baffled over what happened and needless to say they are no longer my co-worker nor friend.

So to set the record straight on who I really am.

Yes I am an adoptive parent to two young boys (4 and 2) from Russia (2004 and 2006). Yes, I am a nurse, I have worked in labor and delivery, oncology, research, and education (sex ed essentially, life ed, actions and consequences to teens/college age kids in inner city. Yes I did suffer from infertility and miscarriages. Yes, I have a cousin adopted from Korea, who is now an adult and expressed alot of support for us, no I didn'thave some of the conversations with him, that were expressed previously. Yes I do have friends who were adopted at birth as well as my sister in law who maintains a great relationship with her firstmom and they were all supportive as well and all have active roles in our family's life. No, I did not go to Romania (I have a very dear friend who spends several weeks each year there though and I was always moved by her stories and pictures she brought back). Yes, my husband has family from Ukraine and EE. No, we never offered to give the boys back to their first families. Yes, we do have relationships with them which began this year, but we had sought it out in 2004. Both ffirst families have expressed their happiness to us over the situation, both have told us their stories and why they did what they did and if they could change anything, they would have never gotten pregnant. They both have told us alot more details which were very hard for me to hear, but I respect their honesty. we keep up contact via mail for now, though we are making arrangements for them to have computers. Yes, we had issues with our first agency and left them. Yes my children both had issues but were not labelled special needs, they were turned down by Russian families and also international families due to the uncertainity of their medical issues.. The older one is doing very well , the younger one does have some delays but medically is doing amazingly well. yes we did discuss alot with the social worker over there on our second adoption regarding the first family. Our first adoption we did not. I did not know as much as I do now.

I think that covered it in terms of what the "other Kris, aka Marcy" wrote? If not please ask and I will tell.

How I feel about all of this: Yes I adopted internationally twice. I will be honest and I know most will not agree, but I do not regret it, I do not feel I participated in child trafficking, I did not break any laws, I love my boys to the bottom depths of my soul. Yes we were selfish, we wanted a family. I wanted children. It was all I ever wanted in my life, to be a mom. I am not naieve to think there will not be issues. My kids have been through a great deal in their little young lives between trauma and losses. While they are too young to express things verbally in terms of this, it is my job to look for the signs (and we have had issues especially with our second guy who was 13 months old at adoption, he grieved alot. We talk openly to them about their adoptions, they see the pictures from their first families, we read the letters. I do not share alot of the tough stuff, because as preschoolers they cannot comprehend that. While we are open with them about their adoptions and all who know them and love them, know they are adopted, we do not broadcast. it We don't discuss things while they are in earshot, strangers dont' need to know. It is their story to tell and up to them whom they want to share it with. We don't sit down and have adoption discussions every day. Adoption is a part of who they are, but I don't believe it defines them. They have many special qualities and gifts that make up who they are. We have always planned to be open and honest with them and let them know they can talk to us or express whatever it is they are feeling. I am not naieve to think life will always be a breeze and that there will never be any issues down the road, but I do my best to prepare myself for that.

I do agree reform in adoption is needed. This I have learned having been through it. I never knew another side of adoption, it always just seemed a good alternative to a child living in an institution or being bounced around foster families. My experience with adoption growing up and even as a young adult was always positive. I knew no ugly or dark side. I did get glimpse of that with our first agency who thankfully is out of business. Yes, I believe adoption is too much of a big business, there is too much money involved and many times too many people who are not looking out for the best interests of the child (though I am sure many people will consider me to be one of those people). I believe adoption is a good option when there is nothing else for the child. I believe adoptive parents need to be educated and screened alot more than they are and I have seen that happened between our two adoptions in terms of screening requirements including pysch evals. I feel we were lucky in terms of our education and preparation.

My feelings and beliefs are obviously based on my life experiences just like yours are. Though I have always remained open minded and ready to learn and grow.

So thank you Niels for your invitation and again my apologies for yesterday.

Thank you,

Kris