Fulfilling Needs

When I was placed for adoption, I was fulfilling the needs of a growing industry rooted in infidelity and infertility.  [For some, this has turned out to be a really sick "Social Service".]

The man and woman who relinquished me needed freedom from accountability and responsibility.  [It is what it is, as I see it.]

The woman/wife who adopted me needed to have a (perfect, smart, loving, affectionate) daughter.  [Her own mother was seen as such a huge failure and disappointment... at least that's how the daughter always saw it.]

The man/husband who helped her adopt me had his own private need:  shut-the-woman-up.  [I can only imagine how much he wanted an end to her constant chronic complaining.]

The family memberS within that adoptive family who used me sexually had their own needs, as well. <silence>

As I got older and showed promise and talent, the Aparentals had new needs and desires.  [A few years ago I found papers that show just how much my life was being mapped-out for me and my future success.  What a huge disappointment I must be.]

When I started dating, I learned the needs of my boyfriends didn't differ much from the needs of the family members who became my first-teachers. ["(You) do as I want, and (you) don't complain, or I will leave and/or hurt you."]

I got married to a man who had his own special needs:  please his mother and sisters, and put an end to their worry and concerns.  [Seems good Catholic boys must relinquish the fun/crazy bachelor days because they have to get married and have babies before Mom passes away.] 

I need sleep.... but I can't get it.  [At least the house is finally dark and quiet, and nothing is needed from me... but that will soon change.]

The man I married refuses to give me the divorce I've been wanting for years.  <more silence>

I'm awake because all my life, I have been fulfilling the needs of others, only to realize.... all those years, no one was there for ME, when I really REALLY needed it.  <now I lay myself to sleep... >