PTSD blankets my emotions with numbness. It's hard to feel any emotion, I think them more than I sense them. Unexpected strong emotions tend to cause an automatic whole-body shutdown response. But this was so unexpected it blew through my automatic defenses like they weren't even there.
It had been a few weeks since I was told that my results would be ready in a month and a half. I checked the site everyday, but the expectation of seeing anything had long since slumbered. I almost forgot to check that Saturday when I remembered it before running off to do some outdoor work.
I logged on to Ancestry.com, expecting to see the now-familiar white page with a tiny "come back later" notice. Instead I saw colors. There were greens, beige, browns, oranges, blues, pinks, blacks, and even a few tiny full color photographs. Some of the colors formed words, but I couldn't read them, too shocked to see that there was something -- quite a lot of something -- there at all.
Been reading a bit more on your site and I thought I would share some more with you. Although I don't think I was necessarily abused by my Aparents it certainly never stopped me from realizing that the whole chosen/ grew in her heart not in her womb thing was bullshit created by a pro adoption agenda. Kinda like an engagement ring made out of a cubic zerconia. Beautiful and yet still fake. You may want and wish it was real but it's not.Also it is the pain of being separated from our mothers that is our true and ultimate abuse.
Adversely an abused adoptee at least is spared the lies and false hopes that a true family bond has formed when I find that to be a childish and wishful notion altogether. I found myself thinking of apes today and what happens when the babies are removed from their mothers. In watching such footage it nearly brought me to tears in empathy and yet it wasn't till today that I actually realized that we generally treat apes and kittens better than humans because that's just animal abuse to do such things lol.
I took a DNA test to learn about my biological relatives and found out some things.
Let's start with the basics, shall we? I found out I was a human being, homo sapiens sapiens (at least mostly, I haven't compared it with the non-human samples yet.) This actually was a concern for my younger self. There were no people around who looked or acted like me in my adopted family or in the society around us, and everyone was quick to point out how weird and alien I was. So what's a kid supposed to think? Where was the evidence I hadn't fallen off a UFO? I became sensitive to attempts to "other" me or anyone else.
My oldest is leaving for her second year of college this Sunday.
I have been bracing for this week, since May.
Thankfully, last year's experience was a very positive one. My daughter made frequent home-visits, and made Dean's List each semester. She made the loss and absence easier, because she not only came back, she came back as a better individual.
But the departure... the going-away... it has never been easy for me.
Letter #1: I read this thread http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/45548#comment-25698 (several times). I feel that I have to chime in, as I find myself in a position I never thought I would find myself in. I have no help, no one to turn to, only a few close friends to hear me out. It has been a downhill roller coaster ride for awhile now.
I wanted to leave a link, but forget my way around here. i have been following a few threads on City-Data -Forum . And see first hand how many adoptive parents have a feeling of entitlement, and seemingly "mental health issues"
Recently, the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF), a government-funded group of independent experts, addressed a comprehensive review of the available data on ways to detect maltreatment of children.
Instead, the clinician's focus and example was based on the sexual dynamics and dysfunctions that develop when the child of a biologically intact family is raised and nurtured (?) by a depressed or sexually inappropriate care-taker. But I believe many of the same sexual-related fears and anxieties can be repeated in thematic style for the adoptee put in similar dysfunctional (unhealthy) hands. Stella Resnick, PhD from Los Angeles wrote:
The other day I was reviewing some articles about gendercide in China, the practice of forced abortion, and child trafficking, and I was thinking how these types of events help create complex adoption issues many foreign born adoptees have to face, especially if one was adopted from a chauvinistic society like India or China. It seems there is a sad irony that exists when foreign social activists fighting for human rights come to America seeking support and assistance from American politicians.
I've decided to go public with some personal information about myself because the topic I've been discussing in private has touched many aspects of my life, including PPL.
I'm going through some difficult times in a few personal relationships. This is not new for me; maintaining a close (loving?) relationship has always been difficult for me. But long breaks, caused by normal every day events, like work or school, have made me keenly awareness of an odd inability in me, a characteristic I'd like to change.
Today marks my 43rd year, and as birthdays go for the adoptee, it's a bitter-sweet day.
I'm not one who likes to celebrate the day my mother agreed to send me away. And yet, I am able to acknowledge my life has meaning and has brought much happiness and comfort to many others. [Therefore I do recognize my life is not a waste; it does have worth.]
Not too long ago I discovered a sales-pitch found only in Adoptionland, and I openly admit, I find this pitch incredibly offensive, for reasons I will gladly explain later, if asked. For now, I wish to re-showcase the marketing tool used by a hotel in China and the toy company, Mattel. There is an exclusive give-away given only to adopters who choose to adopt from and stay in China. What's the "free" give-away? A white Barbie Doll, named,