Many years ago, I had many discussions with a first-mother who lost her son, first through adoption, then later to suicide.
Our phone conversations were especially hard because I could hear the sob in her voice. Her voice sounded like that of a child... yet her words written on adoption forums read like she was a very well-informed profoundly strong woman. Like me, (at the time), she was a warrior in words, but a weepy child in private.
All children have parents; some have abusive ones, others have loving ones, and all adoptees have at least one missing parent set aside to haunt in unremembered memory. If a child is told he's adopted, he will wonder what brought him to a new set of parents. If a child is not told he is adopted, I'm sure the child will have ways of knowing a lie is being told and a secret is being kept. Children watch their parents very carefully; we have to... that's how we learn. Nothing can be done to change who our parents are; adoption just adds more confusion to that absolute fact.
Search and Reunion is a huge business that gets tied to a major milestone in the life of the curious and brave lost family-member. Reunion in my mind implies a sense of closure and completion, yet how can it be so when it comes to Original Family Members?