Intimate relationships

let's talk about sex, baby

Kerry — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 04:44:39 -0700

I've been reading some of the posts from the RAD I had help moderate. This one really hit home, for me. HA! Get it??? "hit", "struck me hard"... I kill myself with my inside jokes sometimes... anyhoo.. the topic is Rough Sex and the person with Attachment Disorders. Do they go hand-in-hand? If so, why?

Intimate relationships

Adult RAD's and their baby-steps towards secure intimacy

Kerry — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 05:09:24 -0600

I've been reading a lot of posts on a website that teaches sex/porn addicts how to reform their detached sex-deeds through non-orgasmic learning. The author of the book and website wrote the following post-reply that made me think about the Adult RAD's Response.

She wrote: [In response to a question about the shelf-life of her book's suggested techniques]

Intimate relationships

The Divorce-Alternative

Kerry — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 13:17:01 -0600

I had a very interesting discussion with a good friend today... we were talking about the moral-alternative to divorcing a man who makes a great dad, but hideous husband. Often, a couple will get married because a child is involved, but later divorce in misery because the marriage aspect of the relationship sucked. Specifically... no one was getting sex or feeling remotely liked, "in that way".

Intimate relationships

Touched

Kerry — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 08:28:28 -0600

I'm funny when it comes to touching and being touched. I can easily be around another person's body, and see it for it's anatomical parts, but don't ask me to get personal, because I will have to let my mind out so it can stray. My professional goal, as assigned by my adoptive parents, was to become a R.N. As a nurse, it was my job to take care of what was hurting or causing infection in another person. Picture for a moment, what that job implies...

Intimate relationships

Overcoming the fear that lives inside

Kerry — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 10:52:33 -0600

I think it's safe to say each one of us has hidden fears and insecurities within us. In fact, I cannot imagine anyone being so perfect that deep inside there isn't s single fear related to weakness or personal flaw. [Of course, I could be wrong...!]

My question is, how does the person imobilized by mistrust get over the feelings of fear and angry panic, especially when "change" means "more of the same"?

The Bleeding Grounds

The Big Question: What makes a Nice Guy worth keeping?

Kerry — Fri, 23 May 2008 11:30:01 -0600

I've been coming-down on the opposite-sex in one of my blogs, "What in the world could I possibly be thinking when I read this?" because I feel there is a huge amount of harmful-thinking taking place in the dating-scene.

Truth is, no gender is free from making bad choices or bad moves in the love-sex department. We are all human, and we ALL make mistakes. I believe this is how we learn how to get things right in our lives.

Intimate relationships

In the name of WHAT?

Kerry — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 09:24:48 -0700

There's no hiding the fact that I am a compulsive People-Watcher. I'm completely facinated by the workings of love-matches, and how they work (or don't work).

Working as a nurse in a hospital, then as a sales associate at Victoria's Secret, I've seen just about every dynamic I can think of co-existing between two (or more) people. Nothing shocks or surprises me, other than those relationships that seem mutually happy and satisfying well past the "honeymoon stage".

Intimate relationships

Alone v. Loneliness

Kerry — Mon, 19 May 2008 06:44:21 -0600

I have been reading blog-discussions in a relationship group that discuss feelings of lonliness, and how such lonely feelings lead to the use of porn and solitary sex (masturbation). I think it's easy to see how this secret pattern can cause feelings of guilt and shame which ultimately keeps a person feeling ashamed and unworthy of a loving intimate relationship with another person.

Intimate relationships

Damn if I do... damned if I don't

Kerry — Thu, 15 May 2008 10:38:14 -0600

My first plastic surgery was when was 16. My a.mother agreed, my nose needed improvement. She had said when she saw the first photos of me sent by the adoption agency, I would need a nose-job.... but what she didn't know (?) is how many times my nose was broken between birth and my 16th year.

Intimate relationships

Why the push to become pregnant and have a baby?

Kerry — Tue, 13 May 2008 11:03:08 -0600

I've been reading blogs written by married women who are devestated they can't become pregnant. [See "Infertility Diaries" at http://www.redbookmag.com/your/infertility/ for some funny stuff...]

Intimate relationships

The role of communication in your most personal relationships

Kerry — Tue, 13 May 2008 15:11:21 -0600

I found an interesting study done on intimate couples: The Role of Intimate Identities and Communication Styles in Couple Functioning (http://www.thefreelibrary.com/The+Role+of+Intimate+Identities+and+Communication+Styles+in+Couple...-a0143064815)

Intimate relationships

Adult-children from an asexual marriage

Kerry — Mon, 12 May 2008 10:18:29 -0600

As one who grew-up in a house where little loving affection was shown by the married spouses, I have had a very difficult time understanding what makes a marriage "good and happy". In fact, I was convinced marriage is nothing more than a death-sentence to love.

Intimate relationships

Care for a long-stiff one?

Kerry — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 07:29:53 -0600

Or would the following scene make you lose your appetite?

[Warning: it's funny phallic stuff!]

glumbert - Does size matter?

Bartender !?!

Prince Harming and Damsels Stuck in Stress

Kerry — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:56:45 -0600

One of the most common complaints I hear from people is the frustration a loving person has with an adult with RAD. In a typical therapy session, the counselor will discuss "co-dependency" and if you're really lucky, the Karpman's Drama Triangle might be thrown in there for confusing interest....

Intimate relationships

Seeking Attention

Kerry — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 13:30:08 -0600

How many see personal attention as being an open invitation towards something secret, sexual, or at the very least, physical and affectionate?

Or, does personal closeness, such as touching or hugging, bring out feelings of profound discomfort?

Intimate relationships

The One and Only

Kerry — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 14:46:58 -0600

I've been thinking a lot about the choices we make in partnerships, and I have to wonder if adoptees see Love as being a matter of "finding someone special" or is it more like a race, hoping to be "found among a crowd"?

Intimate relationships

Don't know what to give your man for VD?

neophyte — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 07:58:52 -0700

Intimate relationships

touch deprived

neophyte — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 19:23:01 -0700

I'm realizing how I'm not so much a "love-starved" individual, as much as a touch deprived one.

I don't care so much about a person's talk about feelings and wishes, as it relates to me, as much as how that person touches and treats me.

I want so much to be close to someone. I'm starving for physical affection, but I'm so tormented by my own insecurities of not being wanted and desired - all intimacy seems so inappropriate to me!

Is there anyone who understands this?

Intimate relationships

The Power of Smell

Kerry — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 14:27:28 -0600

Below is an article called "Aroma and Arousal".

Excuse the pun, but I'd like some feed-back on it from those who grew-up with - or without - a mom who cooked for them. Does the smell of certain foods trigger sexual thoughts... or is it more true that the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and "comfort" food?

Aroma and Arousal

By Scott McCredie for MSN Health & Fitness

Intimate relationships

Fear of being "Different"

Kerry — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 09:14:11 -0700

A common theme written and spoken to me by many has been sexual-strangeness, and finding identity among others. For the abused adoptee, this can become further complicated as tons of associations can become made with gender and sex.

I was wondering how many adults relate to being seen as strange or having a sense of questioned sexual orientation, simply because they don't "fit" a certain profile among their own peers?

Are our mothers responsible for our sense of sexual safety -- if not, who is?

Child abuse

Just a stupid family fact

Niels — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 14:38:29 -0700

If identical twins have sex with a corresponding set of identical twins, the children of these two couples, though legally (double) first cousins to one another, would genetically be as closely related to each other as ordinary full siblings.

Incest, without the guilt?

Bartender !?!

Rocky beginnings

Kerry — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 18:47:14 -0700

What if you fell in love with someone with a shady past or criminal record?

Is the love of a good person powerful enough to change the evils of a bad past?

The Criminal Mind

Vasectomies, virility; dating and availability. How does this affect the adult adoptee?

Kerry — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 10:22:05 -0700

For years I have have many-an-email with male Pound Pups who have had their seminal-strings snipped. (spelled "vasectomy") It seems fatherhood brought-out huge personal issues for these guys, sex and fear of future pregnancy being a main concern.

Bartender !?!

Small-Man Syndrome

Kerry — Sat, 22 Sep 2007 19:52:09 -0600

I've always wondered what's the appeal between an American man and an Asian woman. It has nothing to do with race, as much as culture. WHY would an American guy want to venture into a domain so culturally old, vast and uhhh... dominant? After all, what American doesn't know, size matters, and bigger is better -- or is THAT what's he's banking on?

But then, I remind myself: I am ALWAYS thinking as a female adoptee, with a dirty mind, aren't I?

Intimate relationships

WTF???

neophyte — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 04:28:53 -0700

Beer goggles?

He lost a bet?

Just really lonely?

Oh, "supersticious" they say!

Gotchya!

They call it "beastiality" in the States, but to each his own!

Bartender !?!

Top 20 "Celebrate your date" ideas

Kerry — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 02:43:10 -0700

MSN's dating and relating pages has a neat little article on how to celebrate your date.

20 ways to celebrate your date

By Margot Carmichael Lester

Intimate relationships

The Lost Seeking Sexual Ground and Stability

Kerry — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 03:48:59 -0600

I've always been one who loves to see and discuss the obvious, only to learn so few see life through my life-lenses. Is that an Adoption-Thing or is that more related to Abandonment Issues? The way I see it, as an adoptee, often times, "abandonment", "relinquishment", and "adoption" all become one in the same in the trade-replacement game.

Child abuse

Uncharted Waters

Kerry — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 14:07:43 -0600

Far too often, in Group Discussions, the topic of 'personal choice' becomes a matter of hot debate, especially when it comes to the dating realm and choosing a sexual partner. Considering the adoptee's official record of transferred hands in care, it's easy to see how trust in love and craving the loving attention from a new body can do just fine from a replacement-person. At least that's what Adoption Advocates keep selling the general public, right? So... how does this translate later in life, when hormones kick-in?