Pound Pup Legacy

For myself, Adoption Issues didn't become real until pregnancy changed me.  That's when the world changed and I became my mother, with Me.

For the first time, I started thinking more and more:  What was it like for HER to be pregnant with ME?

This was when my adoptive mother could not replace my original mother, and the more she tried in her own way, telling me about her own pregnancy with her own son, the more it bothered me about my own pregnancy.

I remember when my first daughter was born, and she made no sound.  I remember thinking:  THIS is not how it's supposed to end.  I'm supposed to hear my own baby crying.  A few minutes later, I heard her cry, but it meant nothing to me.  Not really.  It was a sound.  A confirmation of life; a job... a task, completed, but I felt no real heart-felt connection.

Ok... <whew!>

Now what?

I hold her, right?

ok... <ewe>  She's warm, she's looking back at me, and she's moving.  She looks like ET.  Take her away.

That was fun.  I did what I came to do. Can the Dr stitch my gaping hole now?  [It took two hours to repair my third-degree laceration.  Yes, a truck could drive through my tunnel.]

That next morning I was stunned to see how beautiful that baby-girl looked.  The ET creature I saw the night before was dark purple and bloody. 

BUT...this little beauty brought to me... she was pink, she had blonde hair and blue eyes.  She was stunning... she made no sounds, as she was as peaceful as could be,  and she was all mine.  I did not want to let her go.  She nursed easily, and she was happy.

And that's when it hit me.

"I get to take her home with me???"

"She's mine?"

TO KEEP?????

For the adoptee, those are very tough words to swallow.

very tough, indeed.