Buddy-Body System for a Large Family
I have four kids, and an absent husband who likes to think of himself as the Sports Hero Coach-Man of the Year. I'm sure he's a great coach to all the boys on my oldest son's football team... but I often feel between his job, his overtime, and his volunteer-time coaching football and baseball and attending my oldest son's hockey games, as well... well.... there doesn't seem to be much left for the other three left home waiting for daddy.
Since my head-injury this past winter, I had to develop a new strategy in family-planning in terms of working and cleaning around the house. Four kids, two adults, a dog and dirty sports is not easy clean living. Especially on a single income.
I've become simple-minded, by default... so I developed a Buddy-System based on our own natural design, and oddly enough, it works!
The way I see it, each one of us is capable of taking care of ourselves... especially if we have a partner helping us. In my house, that's easy, since each child has a built-in partner. My oldest daughter is buddied with her youngest sister; my oldest son is buddied with his youngest brother and I supervise until I collapse!
Meals and cleaning have gone much better, and homework will hopefully won't be too bad for us.
I'm hoping the sports season won't be too long so I can get extra help with that.
<sigh>
Comments
The simple-plan ain't so simple
It seems kids don't respect the stay-at-home Mom-with-the-Migraine approach. My boys and six year old daughter do, but my 13 year old teams with hub-man when it comes to "why can't you be like the rest of the women on the block, and not like HER?"
HER, meaning the woman they fear I've become, my adoptive mother.
Ain't life a bitch?
I don't work outside the house anymore for several reasons. The first was, when I did, the pay was not worth the disruption it caused. In order for me to get a salary worth the effort, I would have to go back to school, which would cost money we don't have, and take time away from my kids. We can't afford babysitters, so it's all a moot point to advance myself the way the Nursing Profession requires me in the state of NJ. The only option I saw myself was working retail. The hourly wage was a joke, and hub-man hated it. Lots of arguments were had as a result.
The second reason for my stay-at-home status is simple: I feel it's critical a parent (or other family member) is home for the children when they come home after school. When my oldest was little I used to bake and sit with her and do her homework and have lots of "play-dates" scheduled for her. Now with the other three, they each get a "Hey, how was your day? Do you have a lot of homework" and "Don't forget to clean-up your mess after you eat". They make their calls and plans to play; snack like they haven't eaten all day, sometimes the girls will sleep, sometimes they all watch TV, always there is an argument. That's why a responsible adult needs to be home: to make sure all is safe and sound, and no one gets hurt.
Last year I found some disturbing documents, and I did a stupid thing. I smashed my head on the kitchen floor out of sheer frustration, and as a result, I damaged myself enough change the way I speak and read numbers. Hub-man was there, not saying a word, because he could not answer any of my questions, " What does this mean?!? What did they do?!? Why did they have to choose me?!?"
It took weeks for me to regain control of my speech, but I'm still really bad with numbers, and I get frequent cluster-like migraines. I'm afraid work for me in the future will be difficult to find, and that's terrifying, because hub-man retires in less than two years, and we have four young children.
We live a simple, life with modest luxuries. I don't get my nails or hair done. Hub-man and I don't buy clothes for ourselves all that often. We lease a car. We maintain where we can. I fear what will become of us, but I fear more about what will become of our kids if they don't learn how to take care of themselves. I think the third and best reason to stay home is how else will children learn how to problem-solve? Parents need to lead by example and show that not everything is perfect and easy in life. These are tough times, for everyone.
I believe the greatest gift given a person with questions is to offer a few answers, based in reality, but given with enough room to dream, so work towards a better future can be made, independently.
One of the things I envied
One of the things I envied most growing-up was how some of my closest friends all became especially close during really tough times. It seemed as though that's what really bonded them together, and became the times they would talk about during the happier times, too. Even now, I will sit among friends who are best-friends with their sisters, and I know, I will never fit-in with them like that. Even if I have known these people all my life, "blood is thicker than water", and for me, that's always been deeply personal, too.
In that sense, it always made me sad being adopted, and not knowing if maybe I had a sibling who got separated from me. I would have loved to have that sense of closenes with people, during the good and bad times, knowing nothing can ever break a real family apart.
Siblings
Growing up as an only child, I've never really understood the concept of having siblings and for most of the times I can't say I ever missed having them. Though I felt lonely most of my childhood, I never longed for brothers and sisters. The idea of even more people monitoring me every single move I made didn't look promising to me. Maybe if I had had really rough times I would talk differently.