Sounds, Sleep, Silence
It's been another sleepless night. My son can't sleep; he's worried about school. I can't blame him, so I stay awake with him, reassuring him it will be alright.
My oldest son is the victim of bullying
It has cost us many many sleepless nights, and now that school has started again, it's reign of terror has begun it's haunting path. Again.
In our case, it has been the school and counselor who has tortured me and my son the most.
How?
Last Spring my son was questioned for hours by a counselor for hours, alone, because she saw his isolated behavior as anti-social and "suicidal".
He was being bullied by big kids... a problem that was well-known in the school by myself and many of my son's friends... but my son was questioned alone, interrogated by an adult who kept asking leading questions that finally forced them to call my house after school was over, because he was so emotionally distraught. I was "asked" to come get my son and take him to the ER to have him evaluated by the Crisis Intervention Unit, just to make sure he was in fact, not suicidal.
I was told by a school counselor, "he has a plan to kill himself".
My nine year old has a plan to kill himself?
I had three other children at home, and my spouse was at work with the NJSP... and my nine year old son had a plan to kill himself? Are you INSANE?
"Your son has been cutting himself". A case of self-injury? Does she KNOW what self-injury looks like?
My son cut himself with a pocket-knife, playing army with his friends. Boys play army... at least MY boys do. My sons have bruises all over them... cuts and scratches, too. Not one was a "hesitation" mark or self-injury mark; and not once was the school nurse called-in to evaluate my son's body to confirm this school counselor's assessment of this situation.
Instead, she called the state authorities, and voiced her strong opinion based on her educated guess and my son's emotional reaction to HER response. I took my son the the ER, sat for four hours, was seen by a social worker for five minutes, and was discharged soon after with an apology saying, "the woman at the school should not have reacted as such". I knew that the moment I saw my son's face in the guidance counselor's office. Fine guidance at an elementary level. We have yet to receive a written apology from the "counselor" and/or principal.
It's 5:33am My son finally fell asleep. Today will be his third day of school.
My response?
My website.
There is Abuse... there is Neglect... and there is Ignorance.
All three require Education.
I intend PPL to be a starting-point.
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Comments
wow kerry!
wow kerry!
BULLYING
As school is about to start again and I am reading this very upsetting story, I want to ask, as a mother of a son and a daughter, How do you deal with bullying? We try to teach our kids to take the high road, but Kerrys story is an example that is very scary to me. What some consider walking away and letting off steam, some crazy school "counseler" labels as disturbing behavior. And before you know it your family is caught up in the mess that is DYFS. So what is the proper way to handle bullying, we all know it happens but what can we teach our kids to do or say to avoid it spinning out of control?~Jenn
Open discussions
One thing I learned from this "parenting-experience" was, when it comes to school-staff conversations, a child should ALWAYS be allowed to have a parent present so he/she doesn't get overwhelmed by an adult who is assuming the wrong things. Since that incident, my son has been told by both me and his father, if he is ever called to that counselor's office again, we are to be called by him, so we can be there with him. In other words, he can refuse her conversations without a parent present.
The other home-side to the bully situation is a bit more simple, but sad, none the less. I can't imagine any bully situation that doesn't involve jealousy... so as a parent, if your child is being bullied by others, I would suggest you sit down and discuss the situation like it were an investigation: "What is it that you have that this other person wants?" [Of course, much of this has to do with the nature of your relationship with your child, and how easily you can discuss these sort of things. In my case, my kids tell me everything that's upsetting them, so they have no problem with me asking 50 questions.]
In my son's case, he was being picked-on because of his size, and yet, what seemed to get the other boys angry was his ability to play so well in sports. Once my son knew he "owned" something they wanted, he was able to re-gain a sense of inner-pride. He can't do anything about his size, but he can make sure each time he's in a sporting event he can kick ass.
As parents, we can either teach our children to feed into jealousy, or rise above the negative influence so they can be the best that they can be. [As a parent, is there anything more nerve-wracking than waiting to see which route they choose to take?]