Been reading a bit more on your site and I thought I would share some more with you. Although I don't think I was necessarily abused by my Aparents it certainly never stopped me from realizing that the whole chosen/ grew in her heart not in her womb thing was bullshit created by a pro adoption agenda. Kinda like an engagement ring made out of a cubic zerconia. Beautiful and yet still fake. You may want and wish it was real but it's not.Also it is the pain of being separated from our mothers that is our true and ultimate abuse.
Adversely an abused adoptee at least is spared the lies and false hopes that a true family bond has formed when I find that to be a childish and wishful notion altogether. I found myself thinking of apes today and what happens when the babies are removed from their mothers. In watching such footage it nearly brought me to tears in empathy and yet it wasn't till today that I actually realized that we generally treat apes and kittens better than humans because that's just animal abuse to do such things lol.
Secondly I noticed there are some adoptive moms looking for solace that maybe they'll be different because their intentions are different and they have so much to offer. Well as I said I'm not here to stop the process just to try and heal myself into the super human I have the capacity of being if I am able to overcome the hole in my soul and to gain a family out of the brothers and sisters the shitty system keeps pumping out for me.
Here's my story of support for your perusal when I was in the process of finding my birth parents and also finding out that my much older fiance of four years at the time was a high price call girl lol. I went to an adoption support meeting open to all members of the adoption triad, it was all birth moms and an adoption councilor (obviously paid for by an agency). Well low and behold this meeting was all about telling these women they were doing the right, selfless and brave thing for their children. Wow they did not see me coming bahahaha.
I still wonder how many children I saved from my fate that day by telling these women the truth. The only problem is that the adoption agency could see that I was lost revenue waiting to happen so I was sent a letter asking me not to ever return to their meeting lol.
Also I am very amazed and somewhat glad for you that you gave up your search for your AP. I found mine and I will tell you this much for now. One day as an adoptee I realized that I was a branch ripped from one tree and duct taped to another. When I fell away from that tree and found the tree I belonged to I also found the spot where I fit perfectly into place and yet I was still just a branch broken from that tree and there is and was no way for me to re attach myself. At the end of it all I'm just a dead branch ripped from a family tree and unable to be grafted to any other and in that I am not alone.
Your Bastard Brother and Broken Branch,
- Flake28's blog
- Login to post comments
- 23889 reads
Damage done by adoption
When I first joined adoption.con, back in 1998,I honestly thought a group of members of the entire "triad" would be very helpful and healing for me.
I quickly learned this group wanted only happy experiences and loving conclusions. They wanted general forgiveness for child-abandonment, and they wanted the story of a child growing in the heart, not the uterus, to be the modern-day acceptable form of procreation.
The more I read the rah-rah rhetoric, spewed from those living in the adoption fog, the more I wanted to become the spit-ball flying student hanging-out in the back of the class. ( Back then, as a very angry adoptee, I found the ever-so-happy grateful and loving adoptees most annoying and difficult to read.)
Eventually I got banned from the community that "welcomed" all sides of the adoption-story, but not before I establish my own private collection of contacts who agreed with - or at least appreciated - the thoughts I shared, (and made public), based on personal adoption experience.
I think most surprising to me was, among the private groupies I had collected, was the group of birth mothers who didn't understand why their adopted children committed suicide in their young adult lives. For the life of me, I could not understand why they themselves could not see why support groups with fellow birth-mothers and rah-rah adoptees (still hungry for a relationship with "mommy") can never answer that age-old question, "What went wrong?"
I recall one particular birthmother who learned her son committed suicide on his birthday. I believe she was one of the "lucky" mothers who got this news from the APs, themselves. ("lucky" in this case meaning, even after many many years, she still got updates about her son.)
Much speculation went into his need to end his life. Was it because he couldn't live knowing he was gay? Was it because he was mentally ill? Was it because he hated his APs? Was it because he hated his Bmother?
Only that young man knew at the time what was driving him to end his life, in his Adad's car, at the tender age of 17. But I know as one who had made multiple suicide attempts, myself, there is a pain many of us adoptees feel, and no matter how much adopters and the adoption industry try to sugar-coat that pain that goes with forced family separation, that artificial sweetening cannot completely overcome the strong visceral bitterness many adoptees feel, for decades, if not for life.
The start of this thread.
I've been struggling with my adoption my entire life. I'm pissed off about it and I won't get into specifics but at the end of the day the government knew that my bmom wasn't doing the right thing and my aparents were never able to provide me a better life. A bad joke that has no laugh at the end. What makes it worse is that when you are looking for understanding or support you are bombarded by pro adoption bullshit at every turn. Anyways I've recently quit drinking and been going to AA (surprise surprise) but lets face it even there I feel different than most and realized that there is no healing my resentment when I do my step five. I was robbed of my past, plane and simple. I want a support group for us. Anyways maybe you can point me in the right direction. I'm currently in Courtenay, BC, CA.
Your Bastard Brother,
Selfishness turned into selflessness and all for the simple cost of my identity, silence and gratitude.
Since I myself found no angry Adoptee Support Group out-there in the real-world, when creating PPL, I wanted to make sure we would have a section made exclusively for us angry pups. You obviously found it; feel free to use it.