Finding families for children

Niels you asked, "I wonder if your agency advertized with statements like: "finding families for children"."
The answer sadly, is yes.

We were told that the reason that the biological mothers relinquished is because they could not take care of the children nor care for them.

At no point did we ever imagine that 7 years later we would find our children's biological family, intact and doing well, albeit poor.
Which brings to mind the question of when is poverty ever a criteria to give up a child for ICA?!

It is interesting to note, the mother and extended family are good people and mothering other children, even ones born after our children's relinquishment.
None of the children show signs of malnutrition nor abuse. So what happened to our child?

One cannot help but wonder HOW did this relinquishment come about in the first place?
When did the placement occur? Is the orphanage responsible for the abuse and neglect?
Was the child transferred to another orphanage when she was referred to us?
These are just a few of the many many questions swirling around in my head.

And now we grapple with the duty to tell our children their true history. You cannot hide the truth, especially when you find out the birthmother loves them and has worried about them and...misses them. When the investigator found her, she collapsed in tears. She had prayed all these years to hear from them and know that they are ok. She asked for nothing, just to be reassured that they were ok and to be shown a photo of the children that she can keep.

One child wants to know, the other doesn't fully understand. A child deserves to know their true identity and their true history.
We cannot keep this from them.

Did the agency ever care about the effect that all of this would have on the adopted children growing up and trying to make sense of this all?
Did the agency ever care about the effect that all of this would have on TWO families?

Dear Adoption Agency-
Our children had a family and they were placed for adoption. How?

AMom Anonymous


I have to respond to this...

This update really saddens and concerns me.... for all touched by a private adoption agency.  So if you read anger, please don't take it personally.  My anger is directed at the adoption industry, not the individual family-members involved.

Like you mention throughout your post, I too wonder why an ICA plan had to made, in the first place.

If an ICA -plan is done because one or both the first-parents believe it's the only way their "chosen child" can receive an education and tangibles (as seen in America), don't these first-parents realize at what price and cost their plan for a better life might be?  Do these parents NOT KNOW what takes place in orphanages?????

Oh, that's right... most first-parents are NOT given updates, as promised by the adoption agency recuiting children for adopters.  [See: Fly Away Children.]

Sure, you yourself may be a very brave, loving, attentive, concerned aMom... (I personally applaud you for coming to PPL to post this...) so my following questioning is rhetorical: what about all those unfortunate adoptees sent to live with APs who discipline and punish to death?  What about those poor adoptees -- WITH families --  who are forced into quack therapy so frequently found in attachment therapy?

It's not fair to say all foreign adoptive-home environments are loving, better, OR safe.... or "in a child's best interest".

But let's put the private unmonitored and unchecked home-front issues aside for a moment...

For decades we in Adoptionland have learned what it's like for the foreign-born adoptee to assimilate to American Culture.

Don't these first and adoptive parents have any idea what 'life in America' can be like, for a foreign-born adoptee, NOT accepted by it's local community?

Add the grief and trauma adoption - and the adoption process -  itself can bring a child... why would anyone think such adoption plans are "in the best interest" of the child?

Even under the best of circumstances, how does a child cope knowing she was given away... but didn't have to be?

How do the first and second parents caught in this nightmare respond?

What do the folks who profited from this trade have to say?

Pound Pup Legacy