Russian Adopted Child needs more than AP has.....please respond if you can give her help

This is a true account of what an AP is going through right now.
We only need constructive assistance.
She has done all with him
Were not looking for another Jesus Christ,,told me to save him or a Joseph Smith, follower who wants to add to their brood!.

Thank you to Niels and Kerry for posting this.
Lets all put our differences away and help this AP.
He is in Northern CA.
What resources are there, that she may get some help for her son and herself.
She needs no judgement.
Just Help.

I'm afraid I'm only seven months late replying. Tha'ts not just because things were going better with ______ at the time, . This is how I found your email now ... I knew it was during one of the worst months, so I searched April and May and found it. I'm much better, thankfully, due to medication that's finally helping, although the injury is still there.

In any case, I'm writing because I've been completely out of the adoption loop for literally years, and I don't even know whom to contact for help. I moved from ---------- since, so I don't even have my old notes at hand. They must be in some box in the garage somewhere. And now of course I'm in a crisis again with no one to call. (New computer and all.)

Things have gone up and down with my son for the past two years (when he had that summer of continuous psychiatic hospitalizations). But for the most part he was doing ok and I though we may pull through. He was even helpful during the worst times this year, and I almost thought he really cared after all. He didn't.

Things started unraveling over the last few months. He stopped taking his medication for no reason and decided I'm the devil incarnate and keeps lashing out at me. All he does is try to hurt me, both psychologically and now physically. For the second time in two weeks he was taken by force to the psych ward. The first time it happened in school after he threatened to kill himself and me (after getting into a fight with some kids, go figure). Now he started collecting dangerous knives and threatening me. I took away the only knife I could find (a switch-blade) and he started threatening and kicking me. I had to run to a neighbor's place to call 911.

Bottom line is that I'm afraid to live with him but I see no options out there. He's grown and he's stronger than me and refuses to take his meds, which kept his mood stable. I should have disrupted long ago, but I just didn't have the heart for it. Now he's almost 14 and I don't know what will happen after they send him home.

Any suggestions or contacts would be welcome. Thanks a million for reaching out to me after such a long time.


Send me private message

Send me a private message if you need help for this friend (inbox).

First things first...

As a dear dear fellow adoptee once told me when I would get so upset and FREAK over my own adoption issues, he'd remind me, "Kerry, breathe."

Funny how during a stressful crisis so many of us forget to do that....

<breathe...breathe... breathe...deep slow breath>

First, thank you for sharing what looks like a very complex multi-faceted situation.  We at PPL are not out to crucify; we are here to help any way we can.  There are too many critical adoption issues taking place, with so few with really good answers.

I can empathize with the pain with not knowing where-the-hell to go.

With that, my first questions for the Amom are: 

  • The boy is now 14, (correct?);  how old was he when he came to the USA?
  • What adoption agency was used, and what support services have been offered for all involved?
  • What meds have been prescribed for him?
  • Has anyone suggested he should be sent to a RTC?

I undertand the need for privacy.  I can be contacted either through PPL, or private email.

Crisis hotlines

Here are some California crisis hotlines.

National Crisis Hotlines:

Alcohol and Drug Helpline - Provides referrals to local facilities where adolescents and adults can seek help. Brief intervention. 1-800-821-4357

Child Abuse National Hotline, call 1-800-252-2873, 1-800-25ABUSE

Child Abuse: To report call 1-800-4-A-CHILD

Cocaine National Hotline 1-800-COCAINE

Children in immediate risk or danger 1-800-THE-LOST

Covenant House Nineline - Crisis line for youth, teens, and families. Locally based referrals throughout the United States. Help for youth and parents regarding drugs, abuse, homelessness, runaway children, and message relays.1-800-999-9999

CyberTipline for reporting the exploitation of children. 1-800-843-5678

Domestic Violence Resource Hotline - referrals for shelters and
counseling in your area. 1-800-799-7233 1-800-787-3224 (TDD)

Elder Abuse Hotline 1-800-252-8966

Friends of Battered Women and Their Children, 1-800-603-HELP

Kid Help - Children and adolescents in crisis will receive immediate help. Referrals to shelters, mental health services, sexual abuse treatment, substance abuse, family counseling, residential care, adoption/foster care, etc.1-800-543-7283

NAMI Helpline National Alliance for the Mentally Ill 1-800-950-NAMI

National Youth Crisis Hotline 1-800-448-4663

National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-25-ABUSE

National Mental Health Assn. Provides free information on specific disorders, referral directory to mental health providers, national directory of local mental health associations 1-800-969-6642 (M-F, 9-5 EST)

National Institute of Mental Health Information Line: Provides information and literature on mental illness by disorder-for
professionals and general public. 1-800-647-2642

Runaway Switchboard - National - Provides crisis intervention and travel assistance to runaways. Gives referrals to shelters nationwide. Also relays messages to, or sets up conference calls with, parents at the request of the child. Has access to AT&T-Language Line. hours. 1-800-621-4000

SAFE (Self-Abuse Finally Ends) 1-800-DONT-CUT, 1-800-366-8288

Youth Crisis Hotline: Crisis hotline and information & referral for runaways or youth in crisis 1-800-HIT-HOME, 1-800-448-4663


I am not "recommending" any of the services... just trying to do some legwork on what might be out there.

NACAC has 70 parenting groups for california, just a search and then call some in the surrounding counties to find resources.

California Post Adoption Services Project of the Humboldt County Council on Adoptable Children
Partner Agency:California Department of Social Services, Adoption Bureau
Location: Arcata, CA
Respite Services: Respite subsidy program to determine the level of respite services needed

This looks like Southern california, but they may know someone

Post-Adoption Service Programs:

Lilliput offers a variety of support groups and classes for families in many of the communities we serve. Check out our community calendars for events in your area. 

We are fortunate to have solid partnerships with our public agency partners, offering comprehensive Post-Adoption Service programs through our Napa, Redding and Sonora offices. These services are open to all adoptive families living in these counties, regardless of whether your adoption was completed through Lilliput.

When in an acute crisis/emergency situation...

The list offered is quite impressive, so thank you Silent1 for taking the time to dig, plough and post as you did!  However, I would like to add, it cannot be said enough times:  if/when a person feels as though a life is in danger - whether it be through attack, or threat - if in the USA, a call to 911 is best.

Where each state may have it's own specific laws and guidelines, in most cases, the caller  - (the parent, for instance) - can ask for a 72 hr emergency psych evaluation of the child, at a local hospital/treatment facility.  This type of intervention buys time, which is very much needed for the family involved.



Agree so much that 911 is the number to dial when in a crisis!

Pound Pup Legacy