An adopter's blame-game, and going to war

An AP sent me a link to check-out and read.   She warned me:  "get your barf bucked ready".

The December 10th piece,  An Adoptive Parent Won't Take the Blame, written by Motherlode blogger, (Jessica O'Dwyer ), featured on The New York Times, ends with the following conclusion:

I now compare parents who adopted from Guatemala with soldiers who served in Vietnam. Soldiers didn’t cause the war, but they were misled into believing it was just. Because of that, history doesn’t blame the soldier.

It’s time for adoptive parents to stop blaming ourselves.

<dizzying deep-breathing relaxation technique>

What is this AP thinking?

This is an adopter who, at some point, recognized the signs and ingredients to a corrupt adoption plan and process.  Red-flag ingredients include:  civil war, widespread poverty, domestic instability, a lack of access to family planning, and an absence of recognized rights for women.  She openly admits to the many ways a government will deceive adopters into thinking what is being done is "good" and in a child's best interest, as opposed to being good for business and a multi-billion dollar adoption industry.

This is an adopter who openly admitted her own adoption facilitator was featured in the piece, To Catch a Baby Broker.

As a paid journalist AND an AP who has participated in a corrupt adoption process first-hand, how can she justify others to participate in a corrupt adoption?  I cannot believe an obviously intelligent and enlightened woman/adoptive mother wants to sugar-coat her own role in the very type of adoptions that need to stop and I am bothered that she chooses to ignore her responsibility to readers who follow her and value her opinion on adoption issues.  [Does she not realize one day, her two adopted children will be reading her words when they do their own independent adoption research?  Does she really believe her adopted children will agree that baby-brokering is more than ok, especially if that brokering targets poor women who need compassionate empathetic help?]

Instead of educating others by teaching them the many signs of an adoption that should NOT be pursued, she encourages other APs and PAPs to dismiss the wrongs found in Adoptionland, and to forge ahead,  with cash-in-hand, because that's what's best for child and AP .  In addition, she tells APs involved in corrupt adoptions to not blame themselves for the wrongs that are being done.  I strongly disagree that the desire to have a child, no matter how that child is obtained, or put through, trumps all else in and out of Adoptionland.  I strongly believe illegal adoptions are NOT ok, especially if those adoptions force a child to leave their home-land and force assimilation to an already confused and hurting child.

<panting into barf bucket>

Personally, I DO believe self-serving APs deserve partial blame for the trauma unadoptable (kidnapped/stolen) children are put through the moment they are stolen and then processed by and through an orphanage associated with a foreign adoption agency.  I DO believe these APs are doing a disservice to the many benefits a transparent adoption can bring a true legitimate orphan, (not a manufactured one).  I strongly believe such APs need to be stopped and corrected, for the sake of stolen babies and children put into orphanages and put on the international adoption block.

If adopters like this want to be seen as soldiers, then it only proves one thing:   in order achieve adoption reform -- reform that will, hopefully, one day put a child's best interest and safety, first -- one must be ready to go to war.



The comparison between vietnam vets and adopters is indeed preposterous. Adoption is a voluntary act, in fact one has to jump quite some hurdles to even get on a waiting list, while most soldiers in the war in Vietnam were drafted. It is especially because of the obligation to fight that so many people honor Vietnam vets even when the war itself is by many seen as unjust.

The reverence rightfully paid to Vietnam vets doesn't extend to contractors operating during that war, or to people otherwise benefitting from that military conflict.

The remark made by Jessica O'Dwyer not only belittles the horrors experienced by hundreds of thousands of soldiers during the 1960s and early 1970s, it is also an attempt to clean a slate that should not be cleaned.

Many adopters take a lot of time reading about adoption, learning about the procedure, yet quite a lot of them, avoid learning about the dark side of adoption. It's this willful ignorance that makes adopters are to blame for all the corruption in Adoptionland. 

There is no excuse not to know about fraudulent adoption practices. Certainly, Erin Siegal's work has contributed many details about the workings of the Guatemalan adoption system, but unlike Ms O'Dwyer seems to be claiming, much of the knowledge about Guatemala was known years before the publication of Ms. Siegal's work. If Ms O'Dwyer had spent half an hour of her time reading up on PPL, she would have known enough about Guatemala to make an informed decision not to adopt from that country.

Alas, message boards like Guatadopt discourage reading outside the pro-adoption bubble, and many prospective adopters prefer to remain ignorant until they themselves start experiencing trouble.

Pound Pup Legacy