Babies Are A Gift - By Anita Doberman

Date: 2008-02-01

Babies Are A Gift

By Anita Doberman

had two miscarriages after my first daughter was born. Although they were early in the pregnancy, I felt a deep sense of loss and despair for the babies I lost, and it took me a long time to recover and move forward. I hated telling everyone that the baby didn't make it. I dreaded the uncomfortable silence and awkward conversation when I saw a friend or bumped into a random acquaintance at the supermarket. After our losses, my husband and I decided we would wait until the second trimester to share any future pregnancies. Perhaps it was the fear during the first trimester, or the emotional roller coaster of not knowing if I would be able to carry to term, but I always expected family members and close friends to be excited or at least supportive about our pregnancies.
With baby number two or even number three, family and friends were happy for us, but as we added more children, we increasingly saw puzzled looks and heard disapproving comments. I shouldn't have been surprised by the lack of excitement for my pregnancy with baby number six (due at the end of the spring). I realize that some people view big families as impractical, slightly insane, and not something they would want to do, but I was a bit sad about the outright disapproval some family members expressed. My husband's parents told me that they felt depressed by the news -- I am still wondering how grandparents could be depressed about the prospect of many grandchildren -- and several of our friends seemed to want to offer condolences rather than congratulations.

People only seemed to focus on our ability to provide for our children financially. "Are they destined to share a room?" Yes, they will have to share rooms until we win the lottery. "What car will you drive?" I am happily adjusting to the idea of driving a large and utilitarian looking van. "How will you pay for weddings?" We have four girls and a boy but he is adopted, so we'll probably have another girl and haven't figured out the solution to this issue yet. "Can we be a large military family?" Yes, it's the same lifestyle whether we have one child or 10 children.

These are all issues that my husband and I have analyzed, and if we were that concerned about money we wouldn't have a large family. But, we are very excited about this pregnancy, not only because we love children, but because I really couldn't imagine growing up without a large, noisy but close knit Italian family. A new life should always be celebrated: It's an amazing gift. I thought about Jamie Lynn Spears, Brittney Spears' sister and the star of the popular Nickelodeon show "Zoey 101" and the criticism she has been under since announcing her pregnancy. I, and most parents don't approve of the behavior that led a 16 year old to become pregnant, but I didn't hear a lot of support and encouragement for her decision to keep the baby -- a brave and admirable one for such a young person.

A new life is an amazing gift no matter the age of the mother or the number of children. If we can't rejoice in such an event, what can we look forward to?


Then Why Did You Give That Gift Away?

How sad that you chose to treat this amazing gift of a new life the way you did, Ms. Doberman.

Huffpo, The Today Show, and the world know you as Anita Tedaldi and your adoptee as "D."

You ditched him on another family after writing this paean to adoption and to having more kids than you could deal with. Shame on you.

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