Making Memories with My Biological half-brother

Here's a photo of me with my biological half-brother and his girlfriend.  I just contacted him in January of 2010.  I've been trying to spoil him since.  He never knew he had a sister.  When I contacted him, and got more information, I found out my biological mother had a total of 5 boys and me, the only daughter.  She was between marriages, and couldn't afford to take care of me at the time she chose to put me up for adoption.  She had already passed away when I received the information I needed to contact my youngest brother, pictured here.  She had shared the secret with a neighbor lady, who I was able to speak to.  My mother had tried to find me after I became an adult and regreted not being able to see me before she died.  The only other half-brother still living is the second youngest. I've also met him, but he has a severe drinking problem, so it has been difficult to maintain a relationship with him.    Both of "my brothers" were very happy that I found them.  They have been very willing to share the memories and photos of our mother with me.  The youngest "brother" calls me "little mama" because I look so much like her.

Making Memories with My Biological half-brother

siblings and half-siblings

Hi Jaquie,

I too was adopted in between marriages, though it was my biological father who remarried, while my biological mother stayed single, even though she had another child ten years after I was born.

Over the years I have met my siblings, a brother 10 years older and a sister 5 years older and two of my half-sisters.

I don't think any of us did really well on the relationship front. Only my brother has been solidly married for more than twenty years now.

My youngest half-sister, whom I yet have to meet, but had some contact with through Facebook a couple of months ago, is even repeating the adoption pattern, having five children, three of whom living with other people.

I often feel that adoption was not the right solution for the situation I was born into and the family chosen to take care of me far from ideal, yet the lives of my siblings and half-siblings is just as messy. I guess instability breeds instability and adoption actually only brings more of that to the equation.

The Perfect Life

Are we really that different?  Is it just that nobody really has a stable or ideal life?  I know marriage is far from the "fairytale life" we all believed in growing up.  Maybe life in general is some preconcieved notion that is not really obtainable.  How many people do we hear say, "I've had the perfect life", and are telling the truth?

Happy with the imperfect

I think there is a strong difference between benign imperfections and gross family dysfunction. 

For instance, my Adad has his quirky personality traits, and yes, he can have a bad temper, but all-in-all, he is a really fun and funny guy.  My Amother, on the other hand has had mental illness issues... and those have created huge problems that have had to be kept secret.  Complicating matters is her need to be "the worst".  No one is allowed to have it worse than she has ever had it.  Her personality has become too much of a problem for so many, and that has brought it's own natural consequence(s).

So I think when we talk about "the ideal" I think we need to establish ground-rules and boundaries.  Some people are more agreeable and easy to be with, than others... I think this truth needs to be acknowledged if we're going to remove toxic influences (and related misery) from our close relationships.

I have found when I strive for (or expect) perfection, I end-up facing disappointment.  Yet, when I establish my own sense of "ideal", based on what makes me happy, (or agreeable), life-choices and decisions I make for myself often become much easier and more pleasurable for me and those around me because I CAN be happy with "imperfect".

After many years of trial and error I have discovered the trick to healthy living has to do with finding happiness and good times with the people I choose to keep in my life.   I have found when I am with those I truly like and respect, even the rough difficult times can be alright and damn close to perfect, in it's odd and crazy way.

 

Pound Pup Legacy