Absense of fathers on Father's Day
Today is Father's Day. My adoptive father died 15 years ago, my biological father is still alive, desperately clinging onto his fifth marriage (or long term relationship).
My adoptive father tried at times to make an effort, but more often than not, gladly let me be a sort of substitute husband for my adoptive mother, so he could be left alone in his own world behind the newspaper. My biological father never made an effort at all, he just left, never looking back.
I wonder if, on a day like this, I should honor either of these men. For my biological father the verdict is actually quite simple. He never cared about the offspring he had produced in his first marriage, and to this day has never acknowledged doing anything wrong.
My adoptive father I have some good words for. Sure he was emotionally absent nearly all of the time, except when being angry, but at least he never left. He adopted me and accepted the responsibility, at least in the practical sense of the word.
I guess adoption wouldn't be the issue it was if fewer men were like my biological father and a few more would accept their responsibility at least to the extent my adoptive father did.
An emotionally absent father is not ideal, but it can create a sense of stability. A completely absent father without any sense of responsibility leaves children vulnerable and, as I experienced myself, can eventually lead to unnecessary adoptions.
So my question is, why is it for some men so difficult to accept their responsibility, while others accept it even when they actually don't want to?