An era gone by ? Another perspective ...

Picture this scene:

Sitting outside in a nice street cafe, with some casual friends, small-talking about whatever.
Questions coming up, like: Jared, what have you been doing lately?

Jared admits that he´s been reading l o t s about adoption.
Gives lots of explanation as to why, and what ... Talking a bit about family matters and younger (adopted) brother's current crisis.

One of the friends knows someone who adopted internationally.

<Follows lively report on how the child's been doing.>

Friend says his friend payed about $25,000 in fees for the process.

Jared states that these huge sums of money are the turn key to corruption issues,
and that it is really annoying in any case that people get payed (and rich) for assisting in matters of adoption and family.
Friends all say good work must be payed well enough, in a world where money matters.
Everyone agrees.

<Follow multiple efforts by everyone to bring back a happy tone to this conversation, by changing the subject.>

An hour later, same friends, walking back to the library in this beautiful European town. Shows up a tourist, in his mid fifties, not exactly what you'd call attractive, with very young, very slender and very pretty Asian girl, probably his wife.

Same friend as before: "I always thought it is so disgusting, when old European men go get themselves a young Asian woman!"

Jared, staring at friend, quietly - friend, staring back - sudden disbelief on both sides.
What did he just say?

Jared, still wondering: How can the very same people, who don't see any issue in paying huge fees to some "mediator"(faciliator/ agency owner) in adoption, have a problem with marriages arranged by a "mediator" (faciliator) in marriages, who is payed well enough for his good work?

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Arranged relationships

a tourist, in his mid fifties, not exactly what you'd call attractive, with very young, very slender and very pretty Asian girl, probably his wife.

Same friend as before: "I always thought it is so disgusting, when old European men go get themselves a young Asian woman!"

Jared, staring at friend, quietly - friend, staring back - sudden disbelief on both sides.
What did he just say?

This reminds me of something I wrote a while ago...

I saw a tall skinny white man with red hair play with the long black hair of a young Asian girl.  The girl could have been no older than 8 or 9; she was wearing a stunningly beautiful holiday dress,  a matching ribbon in her hair, and very lovely black suede shoes.  No other "related adults" seemed to be around these two, so I accepted this as being an adoptive dad out holiday shopping with his adopted daughter.  I'll be blunt, the image of a white man stroking the hair of an Asian girl seemed a bit creepy to me, but then, I happen to know quite a few men who find Asian females exotic and the whole East-meets-West relationship-theme as being very erotic.   By no means do I suggest this was the case between this man and child, because I believe this was nothing more than a mere moment where the man was caught admiring the large curls put in his adopted daughter's long black glossy hair.  However, I'd by lying if I said the thought of impropriety did not cross my tainted mind. 

[From:  comment, Taking away the difference ]

As one who knows how sexual abuse can (and does) start within the family-dynamic, certain pairings, (and visual associations), become obvious, in a tainted and disturbing sort of way. 

Sometimes, when around others, I will let my inner thoughts known.  After such a confession, I liken the response I get from some people to the "deer in headlights" look... a version of WTF ("Did she just say that?")

<clearing throat>

Um.... yes... yes, I did.

<crickets chirp>

Those uncomfortable moments... donchya just LOVE them?

<sigh>

I honestly believe there are similarities between mail-order brides/marriages and cyber-adoption, (as we are now seeing more and more "service" agencies on-line).  I think at some point, the question needs to be asked in either situation, "How can anyone guarantee the new care-giver is a quality human being?", because I have to say, the money being spent on such arrangements can be totally insane.

I myself wish more would see how huge fees paid to "attain" will, and should, bring question to the motives behind those seeking an arranged relationship.  In the meantime, maybe more in Adoptionland will find themselves in small social circles, and have at least one person make the sort of remark that stops the flow of conversation, and drives others think, "What did he just say?"

Pound Pup Legacy