Length-of-stay in a foreign country

As a female who has gotten many lines in my life, the inner-cynic had to laugh when I read,

He himself seems to be a very different sort of man. One that helps young mothers

and

 fortunately (for them), it’s only very, very few people who have such suspicious minds.

I for one don't buy into the story that adoption helps the birthing mothers in any real positive way, with foreign adoption being the least helpful for all family members involved.  Adoption, the act, unloads an unwanted baby, without the guilt abortion brings.  Unloading is unloading, dumping-off is dumping off, walking away is walking away, and a sin is a sin in my book.  That being the foundation to my 'doing living mothers a favor' theory, how, again, does adoption benefit the child and 'other mother' -- through the adoption agency and it's many wonderful services? As I have seen it (as it has been brought to my attention), many many BIG name adoption agencies have had reps lie to the APs about the children, and turned a blind eye and deaf ear to the pleas for help.  There are many AP's with children going down the tube, but the response given by well-paid adoption agency executives "concerned about adoption issues and the best interest of the child"?  Ah, yes, the paid middle-man's first claim, a classic, is "More money is needed for better services".

Of course, more money is needed...(um, wasn't that the original problem?  More money was needed, so proper child-care could be provided?)

Same game, different victims.... why more do not see it is well beyond me.  Seems deaf ears and blind eyes are rampant in Adoptionland.  Seems people prefer to remain in the dark, and not see how generous donations and gifts given through abortion-alternative adoption services help the already wealthy, and NOT the poor.  [Ah, God must reallllllllly love the infertile, with cash!] 

The more I learn, the more I realize very rare is that adoption agency that does come close to meeting the needs of the parents with difficult needs, spelled "difficult child".  The director of an adoption agency, the one who proves year after year he/she truly cares about long-term outcomes?  Very rare.  Maybe some good-guys exist when an adoption agency is small and limited, but the effect money seems to have on people... it changes people in negative ways... making them less concerned about the little guy who needs more than an average amount of care and attention. [Time is money, folks].

I think the money + supply + demand  equation explains why so many adoption agency directors love the infant programs so much... it's EASY to outsource baby-makers and pediatric services.  The doctors and programs are a dime a dozen, the poor, guilt ridden pregnant females are plentiful, and there is very little liability when a "trained professional' takes over the case.  Besides, who doesn't want the primal wounded baby to mend and nurture, (compared to care for the more"difficult", complex, older child)? If adoption agency directors really cared about the mothers and children, they'd focus more on the older children, leaving the mothers with birthed newborns to health professionals/services that help promote and encourage the natural bond that develops between birth mother and birthed child.  [An example of such an existing service is Nurse-Family Partnership programs.]

Here's the glitch most people don't want to admit -- services for the poor (and single/unmarred) cost money, and few really want to fix the social problems that lead to "unwanted pregnancies".  Few want to "waste" their hard earned dollars on those that can be seen as lazy deadbeats or not likely to raise themselves out of their social class.  Instead, people want to "donate to charity", provided they get to receive a small token that tells others, "LOOK at me... look how great I am... look at all I did and all I spent... all on losers who could never get any better without the likes of me to raise them out of the gutter.  And LOOK, I help minorities, people with a very different color than me!  See how NOT racist I am!!  See?  I have proof, too, just to show those who doubt what a great generous non-narcissistic person I can be.  LOOK at my beautiful rainbow colored children I collected, while on my travels!" 

AUGH!  Can there be a more annoying "altruistic" adopter saving gestational orphans ("relinquished/abandoned" infants) found in places like Kenya, Ethiopia, Haiti.....?

But tell this to adopters who insist they adopted for all the right reasons.

And then ask them how/what they think when truth about key players in the adoption process hits the news:

The chargesheet says that Bhasin had started treating the Preet Mandir trust as a "money-spinning organisation" after realising that there was tremendous potential to make money in inter-country adoption.

Bhasin, it says, procured children by violating rules and regulations.

Preet Mandir also ran the rehabilitation centre Sai Dham at Kanhe phata in Mulshi taluka to help poor women in distress. The object behind opening the institute was to counsel unwed mothers and impart training to distressed women in various fields.

The chargesheet says the centre had admitted unwed mothers, but had not given them counseling, nor had it provided training to distressed women. It was revealed that 69 surrender deeds were executed to keep the children of unwed women at Preet Mandir on Dr Coyaji road and at Kalyaninagar. The centre was used to procure children and the CBI has held Bhasin responsible for running the centre in an unethical manner by violating Central Adoption Resource Authority (CARA) guidelines.

On June 26, 2002, the department of women and child development in Pune had handed over the management of the government's Shishu Sadan in Aurangabad to Preet Mandir. According to the chargesheet, between June 2002 and June 2006, a total of 402 children were admitted at Shishu Sadan through different child welfare committees (CWCs). Of these, 232 children were transferred to different institutes and 199 children were transferred to Preet Mandir, Pune, as per the orders of the CWCs.

Of the 199 children, 65 children were given for inter-country adoption, 11 for NRI adoption and 51 for in-country adoption. The Shishu Sadan was given a licence for adoption, but no adoption had taken place till June 2006. The CBI has said that the Shishu Sadan was used to procure children for Preet Mandir, which had a licence for inter-country adoption.

The CBI has discovered that distressed parents had temporarily entrusted the custody of their children to Preet Mandir due to compelling/financial circumstances including incarceration of the parents. Preet Mandir made parents sign permanent relinquishment deeds of the children fraudulently, without their knowledge. The parents genuinely thought that their children would be in the safe custody of Preet Mandir and they would be able to get them back after their situations improved.

According to the chargesheet, the CBI found that 39 children were directly transferred to Preet Mandir from Navrange Balak Ashram in Pandharpur in 2009 after bypassing the CWC. There is a mandatory provision that only those children who cannot be sent for in-country adoption can be given for inter-country adoption. In order to show that the child had been rejected by Indian parents, Bhasin had fraudulently obtained rejection slips and non-acceptance slips from the parents and then forged these rejection slips with a motive to use them to send children for inter-country adoption.

The CBI has discovered that Preet Mandir used to maintain a credit account of their guests, including J K Mittal, former chairman of CARA, to facilitate their stay at Hotel Aurora Towers in Pune Camp. The chargesheet reads that Bhasin used to spend lavishly as he used to generate money illegally by extorting money from prospective parents on the pretext of collecting donations for Preet Mandir. Government of India and Supreme Court guidelines clearly prevent voluntary agencies from receiving donations for inter-country adoptions. The chargesheet has highlighted various instances of how Bhasin had collected money from prospective foreign couples.

[From:  Bhasin used kids to make money: CBI, March, 2011 ]

I still maintain one of the most heroic men of our times was a man who went back to his homeland to help his own-kind.  [See: Haing Ngor, Orphans, Orphanages, Cambodia  ]  Such a damn shame he was killed... but that's how things operate in this world -- the good guys go first, leaving the rest to fight over who gets the children and the women.